My manager at a small restraunt is really friendly one day and wants to be everyone's friend and then the next day he is a real jerk and will follow the servers around just to find something to yell about.
When he is in a good mood though he is a little too friendly. He feels he needs to be touching me or extremely close to me to talk to me. One time he even cornored me and bit me ear. The problem is I don't want to say anything to him that is going to make my job difficult there. I also don't want him to reverse into jerk mode either. I've tried a couple times to laugh it off and tell him my boyfriend would be upset but it hasn't gotten through.
What can I say to him to let him know that I don't like him getting so close without making it into a bigger deal than it has to be? Also, please don't say report it because sexual harassment cases protect the harasser not the harassed and that is not an option for me. Thank you.
2007-07-09 07:09:52 · 12 answers · asked by dalbana5 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
My sister is a lawyer and has explained that those laws protect the company and the harasser. If the case is truly bad then on occasion the victim will get money and then lose their job.
I don't want to file a law suit I just want to find something powerful to say that will let him know I don't like what he does.
2007-07-09 07:27:15 · update #1
I would like to see you find a new position.
However, for today..................
If you don't want him to be so close to you, it really is okay to kindly say that you are uncomfortable. Say it so he can even think it's YOUR problem Who cares if he doesn't touch you anymore?
He shows you an appalling lack of respect either way. You are being abused by your employer.
To get more of the upper hand, when he yells, you could say, "thank you so much for pointing that out. You are so much smarter than me." or something that lets him know that his jab really is ridculous. I wouldn't be sarcastic though......
NOW, go find another job!
2007-07-09 08:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by fanofchan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you must have had a bad experience with the "sexual harassment protects the harassers" - because if that were true, then why even put the laws in place? All you have to do is get proof. Then you'll have a solid case.
And if harassment really protects the harassers, I guess you'll have to jump to the other side. You need to firmly tell the guy the next time anything similar happens that you don't like it and you won't accept him doing that to you anymore. You'd be surprised what a slap in the face will do to a guy - seriously, a physical slap in the face - especially in front of other people...Carry pepper-spray. Protect yourself. It doesn't seem like a good situation and I think other people closer to you need to know what's going on, just in case (like a room-mate or family). You could also try keeping a diary of his behavior - that can also be used as evidence in a court case.
2007-07-09 14:18:26 · answer #2 · answered by CHRISTINA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are wrong to imagine that sexual harassment protects the harasser and not the harassed. What you are describing IS sexual harassment. If he has not gotten your 'clues' then you need to pull out bigger resources. And that would be invoking sexual harassment.
You say you don't want your job to be difficult there. I can assure you that if you don't do something to stop this inappropriate jerk in his tracks that this behavior of his will continue and, most likely, get worse.
Sexual harassment policies and laws exist to stop people from this guy using their positions of authority to be inappropriately close with employees. What he is doing is illegal. You need to use the law to stop him.
The first step to not being a victim is to realize the power you have. And in this case, that includes involving sexual harassment laws and policies. Use them. Tell him once to his face that if he does not stop that you will report him. If he doesn't stop, then report him.
This guy needs to be stopped, and you have an opportunity to do it. Don't lie down and be a victim here. Claim your power. Use it.
***
You need to get a second opinion. If you're looking for some kind of clever 'revenge' tactic, that will most likely blow up in your face.
Again: invoke the sexual harassment policies. Don't be a victim.
2007-07-09 14:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by pasdeberet 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
don't laugh it off when he does it. Let him know you're serious about not liking it, irregardless of how upset your boyfriend would be. Tell him outright that you do not appreciate his moves, or if you are uncomfortable with being so straightforward, you can physically show your discomfort by removing his hands from your body/ moving away the instant you feel threatened. If he doesn't get the hint, then you will have to speak up. Also, it would be helpful to have the boyfriend make an appearance at work and tell of your manager for being too physical - if you lose your job it's not the end of the world - on to better paying jobs with less slimy bosses! Don't fool yourself into thinking that this situation is acceptable. Act now before it's too late.
2007-07-09 14:21:33 · answer #4 · answered by Ginger 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to the owner about what to do and make sure to say that you want to not be identified. Tell the owner or whomever is this rats boss about what is going on and that your concerned that it is going to affect other employee's job performance. This shows that you are not really complaining but trying to fix something that is wrong. If it keeps up quit or consult a lawyer.
2007-07-09 14:15:42 · answer #5 · answered by Hoptoad City 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why not just get another job?I wouldn't put up with that you shouldn't either.Get a job where everyone likes working there.Ask some of the people at the next place you apply.Or just watch them work..good luck and put a stop to this,it will get worse.
2007-07-09 14:37:44 · answer #6 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you think that reporting sexual harrassment protects the harraser you are a fool. And as long as you let this harrassment go on, you are an ENABLER. Someone has to blow the whistle on this jerk or he will just get worse.
2007-07-09 14:13:34 · answer #7 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your knee or heel of your foot into his crotch will do wonders to get him to realize he should NOT be biting your ear.
Frankly you should report him for sexual harassment to the main office asap! To not do so is enabling him to do this, and if you threaten to report him and don't, then he'll know you are just blowing smoke up his butt and he'll continue or do worse.
Report his butt!
2007-07-09 15:24:27 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
File the sexual harrassment suit.
2007-07-09 15:48:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to put a stop to this TODAY!! It needs to be as big a deal as necessary to make this Mike Tyson imitator respect you. You don't do it now, he'll just keep at it. Don't enable, disable!!
2007-07-09 14:24:01 · answer #10 · answered by RickNY 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋