My 10 year old just asked a question that I don't know how to answer!?

Question

My 10 year old just asked me this question:

"Mom? When people get divorced, why do the kids usually go with the mom? Do dad's not care as much?"

How would you answer this?

Answer 1

Be honest with him/her.

Some mom's and some dad's don't always act or do the things that a mom or dad is supposed to do, or know how to be a good mom or dad.

The Judge learns more about both the mom and dad and then decides if it is good or bad for a child to be with both the mom and dad, or if it would be better for the child to be with only one of them.

Also tell him/her that the judge is only human and sometimes makes a mistake.

Sometimes the mom and dad both love the children, but one of the parents have more money and so sometimes the judge considers that too.

Simple reasons; your ten year old is mostly wanting comfirmation that just because a parent isn't there, doesn't mean they don't love their children.

Answer 2

Well....to start off let her know that each divorce is different and then just tell her that people sometimes get divorce b/c 2 people can still love eachother very much, but not get along and so for the sake of those around them its best for them to live seperatly! Also let her know that it is the law the decides where the children go....not necessarily the parents! Most the time the judge lets the mother have them unless the mom is a druggie or something really bad....so no its not b/c the dad cares any less for his children!

My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mom has since been thru 2 more divorces....so thats what I would tell my child if they wanted to know!

Answer 3

Well, that's a little scary.

You're going to have to tell the truth in 10 year old terms:

The courts can only pick one parent. Since mom gives birth, usually the kids go with mom.
Dads pay child support. Usually Daddy has the higher income. So the courts pick Dad to help with the expenses.

You can also tell her that there is a trend today where Daddies are not just taking this anymore. Kids can go with mom and dad for equal time if the dad requests that.

She's seeing the drama her friends go through when Dad abandons the family and concedes to a one weekend on one weekend off per month visitation. Its optional and unenforceable and it leave the kids, usually, without a father.

Reassure her that Daddy loves her and that he will always be there for her, providing this is the truth.

Good luck with this one, dear.

Answer 4

First you should tell your child that divorce has nothing to do with the child but the parents aren't getting along very well. Than you can explain how moms carries a child for nine to ten months and it's harder for moms to let go of their child because there is a special bond. Explain that dads love their child just as much but does not what moms to be sad.

If you have always been a bit forward with your child let them know that the system is set up to favor moms in such situations and dads don't always get the best treatment when it comes to divorce.

Honesty is always better that way when your child becomes a teen (which will be soon) they will reflect on that and be honest with you.

Answer 5

Theres no definate way to answer this. While it is true that the courts tend to favor the mom, thats not always the case. My husband has custody of his 12 year old son from a previous marriage. I think the courts tend to favor the mom based mainly on tradition, it seems that most judges think that moms are needed in the kids lifes more than dads. With anthony he tells me that I'm more of a mom to him than his real mom. I'm always telling everyone that hes my son, and no one really knows the differance.
I guess if it were me I'd explain it that some times dads are not as able to care for the kids as moms are, and so the judges give the kids to mom so that they are well taken care of. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

I would say "Even if it seems that way, that is not always the case. There are times that the mom or dad are not able to fullfill their duties due to an issue where one child is more stable with one parent over the other. In a case of children, some parents make an agreement of custody sharing while some parents of multi children, allow their children to choose who they want to live with. Mostly boys will live with dads as they need that development while girls live with mom as girls need that development. Divorce is very complicated for some parents and parents try to find the best solution for their children. there is a lot of daddys who care, but might not be able to have full care while others are able to more so than the mommy".

Answer 7

Well honestly, whether the mom works outside of the home or not, she usually does most of the care for the kids, the laundry, cooking the meals, help with homework and so on and that is generally why. I would tell her that most of the time the dads love the kids just as much as the moms, but it is the moms who carried them for 9 months and it is more in our nature to take care of our children. My husband is a great and involved father, but I am the one who gets every drink they want, even if he is watching TV and I am doing laundry, I am the one who stops what I am doing and helps them. You could try to explain it in that way, but nicely, its just nature for the mother to take the children.

Answer 8

That is a hard question and a lot of the prior answers of "that is the way it has been" are probably correct. In Washington state, the courts have started leaning more towards Parenting plans where the children are split up between both parents equal time if possible. Although it can be a strain on both sides of the parenting family and the child(ren), if both parents want to have a say in the childs life and are not deemed unfit, custody will be shared.

Most parents these days both want a say in their childrens upbringing and it is not healthy to have absent parents.

Answer 9

I had the same question asked to me... I explained that it's not always like that. The mom and dad make a deal and usually let the child decide who they want to live with. And a lot of children like living with the mom and spend the weekends with dad....

I hope this is a solution to the problem

Answer 10

Wow! That one tugs at your heart huh!! I would of course tell them that just because people get divorced doesn't mean either of them love their children less. Most of the time it's easier to go with the mom because of where she lives, considering the majority of the time, the dad moves out. My son is only 18months old, so I guess I really haven't started to think about all these hard questions he might ask in the future.