My boyfriend of 5 years is always telling me that he wants to have kids before he gets married....to me that seems kinda funny... i don't know why he would want this.. when i ask him why .. he just says "just because i do" ... we don't plan on getting married for another 5 years anyways ... but ... still .. it confuses me ... is this normal for him to want kids before marriage?
2007-07-09 05:43:01 · 19 answers · asked by *Isabella's Mommy 7/23/11* <3 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
we have a great relationship!* it couldn't be better! ... i can't wait until we have children but i always wanted to get married and a few years later have kids ...
it would be nice to have the children in our wedding though ... ..
haha i don't know .. i'm confused...
2007-07-09 05:50:10 · update #1
we have been dating ever since i was 13 i am 18 and he is 22 ... i'm going off to college for 2 years and he's going to college for his second time for 4-5 years ... thats why we are waiting for marriage ... but we plan on having kids when i'm out of college .. he is great with kids ... and i know he would love being a father.
2007-07-09 06:10:16 · update #2
it sounds a little strange but unless the both of you were 13 or 14 when you started dating he may not want to wait that long before starting a family. after all, you have been a couple for 5 yrs already and plan on getting married but not for another 5 yrs. i'm sure you have your reasons for waiting to get married just like he has his reasons for wanting kids sooner.
2007-07-09 05:58:05 · answer #1 · answered by Neka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say as long as you have decent insurance that would cover prenatal care and childbirth (and trust me, it's VERY expensive without it) then that's a personal choice. It's more important to know that the father will be there to take care of you while you're pregnant and the children when they are born than to have a certificate from the government saying that it's okay. My sister has been witht he same guy for 9 years, they have two children together, and are very happy. But they have no immediate plans to get married.
People are going to lecture you on this question, but don't let them pressure you into their version of morality.
That having been said, it does seem a bit strange to plan on getting married, but specifically want kids first. I would demand a better reason than, "I just do." I'm sure he has good intentions, but I can't blame you for wondering about that.
2007-07-09 06:46:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That does sound a little weird to me. Personally I think you should be married to have kids. Me and my husband waited until 2 years after we were married just to enjoy being married for a while. I'm so glad we got that time alone first. Even if you're planning on getting married in the future, a lot can happen between now and then so it's safer to just wait. Of course, the decision is up to the two of you. If he really wants them as bad as he says, and you're okay with it too. My brother was engaged to this girl for 3 years - they were going to get married this year and she just up and left him for another guy. I found out after that they were talking about getting pregnant before getting married. They were so in love - don't know what happened but just because you're engaged, doesn't mean you'll get married. I don't mean to sound negative - I HOPE you do marry him but I'm just saying things happen so don't rush anything. Good luck!!
2007-07-09 05:54:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think it's a big deal, because i want to have kids before i'm married.
it can be different for a guy though. I know my boyfriend wants to have kids before we are married because he has trust issues and he thinks that if i am willing to have kids before we are married, then i am really serious about being with him and having a family with him.
Also, marriage is a big deal. having a child is less of a deal because if you and your boyfriend are amiable, even if there is a problem in the relationship, he only has to pay child support, not alimony. This is kinda cold, but a lot of guys think about money a lot when it comes to relationships and children.
Co-parenting has a large emotional commitment, while marriage requires a large economical commitment.
For you, it would be best to wait because you would reap the most benefits from marriage and children should your relationship run afoul. Also, having that time together as newlyweds without children is a very special time. it allows you two to really get to know each other, spend real quality time together and travel and just be together before adding a child to the mix.
2007-07-09 05:51:26 · answer #4 · answered by Malina 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should go to school and get married before you have kids. If you havre kids before you go to school or get married then your plans are going to be put on hold because you will be too busy taking care of kid(s). Go to school and better your eduaction and get married before you have kid(s). Kid(s) take alot of work. They need your attention all the time, and if you have them first there will be not be much time for anything else. Ask him why he is so anxious to have kids, when he don't even want to get married for another five years. If you have kid(s) before you get married, he may leave you and want nothing to do with you, and then you will be stuck raising the kids on your own. I am not saying that it will, because I don't know him, but it is a possibility.
2007-07-09 06:26:42 · answer #5 · answered by boonslilsis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm not married to my girlfriend but we have a 2-year-old son together. I'm proposing this month hopefully. hehe don't tell her. No, it is fine. As long as you can see a future with the guy and have been together for a long time then there is no reason why you shouldn't. Although some people might say that you should get married before so you know your husband/wife won't leave you. But they still could!
2007-07-09 05:50:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know I am an older person, and my views are old fashioned.
However, I was taught that you get married first. Why would a guy want to get married at all when he gets it all for free?
What about having a baby and then the father not wanting to help take care of it, or even pay support for it? Hard to get a guy to live up to his responsibilities if you're not tied legally to him.
Do what you want, but if it were me, I'd say if there's no marriage you don't get the rest of it, either.
2007-07-09 05:50:12 · answer #7 · answered by kiwi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you're comfortable with it then do it... times have changed and people (most) accept the fact that sometimes people don't want to get married but want kids or they haven't found the right person yet but got pregnant. whatever the situation is i think it's fine as long as that's what you want as well. but i would at least ask him for a good reason as to why he is in such a rush to have a baby now and "just because" is not a good enuf reason.. good luck!
2007-07-09 06:01:12 · answer #8 · answered by cheeka2162 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do Not have children before marriage. If this man is willing to make the scarifice and commitment that children bring and is not willing to make the commintment of marriage to the women that he wants to be the mother of his children I suggest you take another look at this wonderful relationship. Children need and deserve the solidarity of a family.
2007-07-09 05:56:21 · answer #9 · answered by Theresa H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go get the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt.
He wants kids, as a way to achieve immortality and to physically realize his virility.
But, he wants you to be disposable. Why have you been together for 5 years without getting married? Usually when things go on like this the guy keeps hoping something better will come along, but sticks with what works because he doesn't want to be alone and it's generally guaranteed he'll get lucky on a regular basis.
Time to give him the ultimatum: marry me or get out. Don't have kids with him without legal papers. He'll dump them on you and use visitation as vacation rather than exchange of parental responsibility. He'll be the fun dad who brings gifts and takes them to amusement parks on his weekends and you'll shoulder the brunt of the hard work. Don't get stuck like so many other women out there.
Just listen to all the love advice shows on the radio. It happens ALL the time.
2007-07-09 05:52:34 · answer #10 · answered by mom2babycolin 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋