Ok I go out with this guy and we "love" each other and I have a male friend that I am really kool with and my boyfriend knows about him b/c we went swimming together before. . .but I'm not attracted to him but I think he kinda likes me and yesterday he called me and we went out to eat. . .but I told my boyfriend I went with some friends. . .but would you call that cheating? He was just being nice but I wonder if I told my boyfriend the truth what would he think so what should I do?
2007-07-09 05:27:29 · 68 answers · asked by icyunvme. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
maybe not "cheating" but when you start lying to your boyfriend, you're on a slippery slope.
2007-07-09 05:29:55 · answer #1 · answered by lil_angel64 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
If you are a female in an 'intimate' relationship with a man, and you 'go out' with another male as a 'friend' for 'fun' (of course there's no 'kissing' or any 'physical aspect' to your friendship that is NOT 'cheating' ... but you should 'feel free' to tell your boyfriend that you went out with that male friend, and not 'lie' by saying you went out with 'some friends' ... so I think that you really need to 'think about both relationships' and where you are 'going' with BOTH of these males ... because ONLY YOU can tell if you are 'cheating' or not ... but I'd say that in the case you stated, you did NOT cheat, because you at least 'implied' that you did not kiss or have sex with your 'friend' ...
Yes, it is POSSIBLE to have a 'real friend' of the opposite sex, even if you are married ... but only YOU and your boyfriend really KNOWS if it's 'just friendship' or if something else could be going on. I think that you really need to 'talk this over' between you and your boyfriend, and that you may also want to have a 'similar' talk with your 'friend' and then YOU will have a better idea of what YOU need to do.
2007-07-09 05:35:26 · answer #2 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you lie? The fact that you told your boyfriend that you went out with some friends instead of telling him the truth shows signs that you may have some feelings for your male friend. Lying about it, makes it cheating. If he is truly a friend in your eyes then you have nothing to worry about or lie about. I believe that you should find out if your male friend really has feelings for you. If he does then you need to make the decision about remaining just friends. If your boyfriend where to find out that your friend having feelings; your boyfriend may not want you guys to hang out. What is more important to you; your friendship or your boyfriend. I had the same issue a few years ago where I had a male friend that cared about me and I also had a boyfriend. They knew of each other, understood their place, and at times we would even hang out together (at my place, at a party, etc) but my boyfriend had a major problem with it. I kept my male friendship but I had to keep it in secret. I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend about how my male friend's feelings about me. If I could have a do over; I would have never told my boyfriend how my male friend felt because it made things really hard. I was very lucky that I did keep my friend because my boyfriend ended up getting the ax. I never told anyone else how my friend felt about me. Good luck to you.
2007-07-09 05:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by Kitten 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The important question isn't whetehr it is "cheating", but whether you did the right thing. And you didn't. You lied, just to hide something that is important for your boyfriend to know. How would you feel about it if he did that to you? If the other woman was interested in him and he still went to out to eat with her? I think if you were secure in your relationship, it shouldn't matter. You would trust him. If he trusts you, it shouldn't matter, because he would know you weren't susceptible to the other person's advances.
At this point, shouldn't you be PICKING boyfriends in part because of how they react to situations like this? You made a mistake, and it's NOT an unforgivable one, but you should tell him the truth. See how he reacts to your honesty about a pretty forgivable mistake. If he reacts badly, do you really need him? Is taht the kind of relationship you want?
A good healthy life is full of friends of all types, and is free of unnecessary jealousy over these friendships. It is full of trust and honesty, and real forgiveness when mistakes are made. Shouldn't that be as important in picking a boyfriend as how he looks or how he dresses or how much money he makes? I'm not saying YOU value those things--I don't know you--but many people do, and I think they'd be a lot better off if they looked at character as being at least as important as the other things.
Good luck. I don't know that I know how to check to see if you have responded to this, so write me if you want. I think my email address is available to you.
brad
2007-07-09 05:38:13 · answer #4 · answered by etoo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i don't think it's wrong to have friends outside relationships male or female but what i do think is wrong is that you lied to him
If you weren't doing anything wrong why lie to him You say you love someone and then you lie to them If you tell him the truth now expect him to be shocked and a little angry that you lied to him and don't expect him to fully trust you for a while
So i wonder if you just went out to eat what was the need to lie to him .
He may even feel you have betrayed him and his trust in you which you have
I would suggest you stop the lies tell the truth and accept the conseqences
And if everything was as you say it that he's just a friend that you wouldn't have lied to your bf
Time to Get Honest with yourself Girl anytime you lie it's cheating
2007-07-09 05:34:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not comfortable telling your boyfriend who you actually had lunch with, you are either:
1. in a potentially 'troubled' relationship - i.e.) perhaps you were afraid that your boyfriend would 'start something' with your male friend if he's over-protective or jealous - qualities that can definitely lead to problems
OR
2. you actually have 'feelings' for the male friend - and those feeling of anxiety you are having is your conscious trying to tell you you're walking a dangerous path
I would tell your boyfriend the truth. Be prepared for the worst. He may feel violated or upset. If it winds up not being a big deal to him, then you'll feel better but if things go bad at least you'll be prepared.
In the future, keep in mind that whether you're dating, engaged or married if you have made some type of commitment it is exclusive - that means that you generally exclude activities with people of the opposite sex - unless you have the expressed go-ahead of your beau.
2007-07-09 05:39:19 · answer #6 · answered by amazing_creation 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not cheating yet, but you obviously know that it's not cool or else you wouldn't have lied to your boyfriend. Why did you?! Anything that makes you lie to your boyfriend is going to negatively affect your relationship. I know that it can give you a buzz when you know someone likes you, so you might be tempted to go behind your boyfriend's back but that 'buzz' may lead somewhere else so I really wouldn't do it again if you can't tell your boyfriend. You need to decide what is more important: feeling flattered or your boyfriend?
Oh and why did you put 'love' in inverted commas? that doesn't look good for your relationship!
2007-07-09 05:33:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i see the predicament.
my best friend is a guy, and has been for about 10 yrs.
and its caused a problem w/ every guy i've ever dated.
its no big deal for me, and i dont have any intimate feelings towards him, but guys just don't understand.
they feel threatened when they think their girl would even spend time w/ another guy.
it is their own insecurity issues.
if you think your boyfreind would get mad if he knew you went out with him as a freind , then you shouldnt say anything to him about you going.
and i would sit down with him and have a serious talk.
he has to understand that there is no reason to feel threatened, and that this other guy is just a friend, and nothing more.
if he cant respect that, then you have to make a decision to keep the b/f or keep the friend.
but i definantly wouldnt tell him you went anywhere with him!!!
2007-07-09 05:34:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to lie, it is cheating.
Granted I don't think there was any reason not to tell your boyfriend the truth on this one. You were just going out with a friend. If he can't handle you being friends with a guy, he is not the boyfriend you want.
2007-07-09 05:30:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a way it can sound like cheating.
If you told your boyfriend you were going out to eat with your guy friend, it would make a big difference because cheaters lie.
You should tell him the truth and just say you were afraid to say you were going to eat with your guy friend because you don't want to be accused of cheating and thought he might get jealous.
2007-07-09 05:33:09 · answer #10 · answered by Chels 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the Websters dictionary, cheat means 'to deceive' and lie means 'a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive'.
So, I'd say you cheated. Fess up to your boyfriend (if you plan on keeping him around). Also, out of respect for your boyfriend, your other friend should only be around when he is. How would you feel if he was always hanging around another girl?
2007-07-09 05:38:09 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋