Can a friendship survive a difference in opinion in regards to the value of an unborn child's life?

Question

Lauren,Casey and I have been friend for over a decade and we're all in our late 20's.Casey and her husband have been trying for a baby for 7 years and tried everything including 6 cycles of IVF with no luck or resulting in miscarriages.Lauren and her husband have no kids and don't wish to have any at any time in the future as they feel they're not worth sacrificing their freedom and life of luxory for.Lauren has had 3 abortions prior to getting married and 2 following even though they've done everything short of a permanant solution to remain childless.Recently after Casey's latest pregnancy test Lauren and I tried to cheer her up.Lauren starting listing all the benefits of being childfree at which both Casey and I took offence as I have a 3 yr old son.Casey pretty much threw Lauren out telling her that a heartless ***** like her who'd abort 5 babies couldn't possibly understand what a miracle children are.They haven't spoken since.Can a difference of opinion such as this be overcome

Answer 1

If youre really as good of friends as you say you are and this friendship is very important to you, you'll all be able to sit down and talk about this. Maybe not fix it completely, but TALK. You're all at different sides of the rope here. You have kids, Casey is trying for kids, and Lauren doesn't want kids. You should all be able to support each other during both hard and successful times when it comes to children and life in general, regardless of where you are on this rope and where you would like to be. Thats what friends do.
I went through a similar situation with my friends recently. I have 2 children, Lina who is 17, and one child with my husband of11yrs, Christopher, who is 5. My husband is a marine and came home in March after 3yrs of constant travel and very little time at home. Things were going great until around May when we found out that I was a month and half pregnant and my son has some learning disabilities. My husband HATES change and wasn't doing well with either of these situations happening, especially since he had just come home. He did want to child (though in the past we had talked about having more kids), became stressed out and just stopped talking to me all together for a little while. I was extremely upset and stressed out myself and turned to my 3 best friends for help. One of them, we'll call her A, is not married and has no interest what so ever when it comes to kids. She had 2 pregnancies, one she had and gave up and the other was aborted. As I finished telling the three of them what had happened and still in tears, A turned to me and said "Jac, stop crying. Have an abortion so the kids don't know. You don't want to start from scratch again anyway. Find a special school for Chris. Adam (my husband) will grow up. Problem solved, case closed. Just stop." The three of us looked at her in shock. One of my other friends who has children and is pregnant got into a screaming match with her and A left.
I talked it over with my friends and we decided that my husband and I should go see someone through the military and worked a lot of things out. As for A, we didn't talk to her for a while and non of us ever really planned to. But after a couple of weeks, I realized that she didn't say the things she said to make me upset. She wasn't thinking things through and we all needed to talk about it. The four of us all sat down and had a talk and worked something out. We made her realize that bash talking children and husbands doesn't fix problems. It's not like when you didn't make the soccer team or you found out your boyfriend was cheating on you and someone would say to make you feel better: "Screw them. You're better than that and deserve better!". Marriage and children are different and she needed to realize that or the friendship couldn't continue. She agreed. Are we as good of friends as before, no. We realized how different our opinions are. But she's still my friend.
I'd suggest sitting down and talking about this, the three of you. Understand that you are all on different sides of the issue and that you all have different opinions. Lauren's not the best for not wanting children, Casey's not the best for trying to had children, and you're not the best for having children. Lauren needs to realize, just like my friend did, who she is talking to when she speaks. "You can't go on and on about how great the Beatles are at an Elvis Fan Club meeting." You can't go on and on about how wonderful life is without children in front of those who have or seek children and vise vera. It's out of respect. If you're really this close of friends and the friendship is very important, you can overcome this and work something out. If it's not, then you need to rethink who you're friends with.
Best Wishes to all

Answer 2

No. It seems Lauren needs to learn a few respectful ways of being a friend before she can try to be one again to Casey.

Casey is going through such a hard time and Lauren is not appreciative nor respectful. In a time like that, she would not go on about "childfree" life speech. That was heartless. Just because Lauren wants that in her life doesn't mean Casey does.

I think Lauren and Casey are better off not being friends as they have such a big debate of one another on life styles. Lauren might never respect motherhood, which can cause rifts in "interests". She won't respect what it takes to be a mother nor understand mother demands that will cause Lauren to not be apart. (raising process for instance)

I wish Casey a blessing in the near future. In the mean time, has she and her husband though about adopting? Maybe that be a good thing to look into while they are trying for their own. Stress and "unsupport" can also cause errors in getting pregnant. I do wish her the best.

I hope Lauren and her husband gets fixed....that is irrisponsible and ignorant. she can only have so many abortions before serious complications form...

Answer 3

It's sad to say but I really don't think a friendship can survive that.

If I were Casey I would honestly not want anything to do with Lauren. If Lauren really didn't want to have children she would get her tubes tied or a more reliable form of birth control. It sickens me when women use abortion as birth control. Especially when there are so many other women out there [like Casey] who just want to have one child.

Then for her to go on talking about how much fun it is to be childfree [after Casey clearly DOESN'T want to be that] is just cruel.

Lauren sound like she is very selfish and self-absorbed. I wouldn't want her as a friend so maybe it's better that this has happened and her true colors are showing.

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear. It's hard to let a friend go but sometimes it's for the best. I really feel for both you and Casey! Best of Luck!

Answer 4

I think that there is probably no resolve to be had when it comes to this. Your friend, the one who has had the abortions, seems a selfish person, who will forever run away and avoid responsibility. She appears to have no heart or care towards what her friend is going through and that is probably why your poor freind, Casey, is so unforgiving.
It is so emotional when you really want children, you try and try and you fail, its utterly devastating and any true friend would handle it with kit gloves and just focus on being possitive and supporting her at this time. Your friend Casey is also angry and upset with the fact that Lauren has had 3 opportunities at children and has given them up.

Thhis is such an emotional situation and it is more than likely that this test of friendship will end the relationship. Sorry.

Answer 5

I don't think Casey should make any effort to patch things up. Casey is right, Lauren is wrong, and it's not just a little spat. Abortion divides the country, let alone a relationship.

If Lauren were sensitive, she'd not talk about babies at all around Casey, and certainly not about abortion. And she'd certainly never give a lecture about how wonderful being childless can be. Casey probably went home and boo-hooed her little heart out. Great way to cheer her up.

If Lauren were to apologize on hands and knees to Casey, and they agreed not to talk about babies, pregnancy and abortion, maybe something could be salvaged. But this isn't just a little difference of opinion. And it may divide them permanently.

Answer 6

While I can understand Casey throwing Lauren out...it may be something that can be worked out...they just should not talk about babies...but that is the only way it could survive...but seeing has though Lauren feel abortion is birth control and Casey is dying to have a baby it will be a difficult topic to stay off of! Just give them both cooling time and then see if you cant re connect!

Answer 7

It would be nice if the friendships could survive and remain in tact since you all have been friends for a long time. BUT everyone needs to remember that everyone grows and matures (yes even in our 20s, 30s, 40s, etc) differently. Our experiences in life change us and mold us into different people than we were 10 or 20 years before. Socially we move on to different friendships with people who are most like us and thats ok! Who better to understand what we are going through than others who have been through the same thing.

Its easy for others to say that you all should be able to sit down and talk like adults and not discuss children etc but is that really possible? It may be for some people it all depends on how hard you all would want to work to remain friends.

To me though it sounds like you and Casey have more in common to share and because of your experiences are more mature than Lauren. I respect Laurens right to not want children but it sounds like me she is not very sensitive to Caseys feelings.

Thats my 2 cents for what its worth :)

Answer 8

Your friend, Lauren, is just using abortion as birth control. I cannot see any contraceptive failing 5 times. Once, maybe twice....but 5? She is just not protecting herself properly and using it as a method of birth control. While there are some benefits to remaining childless, to brag about it to two friends who want children and have a child is cold and cruel. If she chooses to not have children, that is her choice, but she needs to keep that opinion to herself and get her tubes tied if she does not want children.

Chances are, this friendship might not survive due to the fact that you have all become different people. Parenthood and the want of parenthood change a person dramatically versus a friend who has no children, no desire for such, and wants her life to remain as it is as if she were still 18.

Answer 9

In this case I don't know. Your friend Casey is so desperate to have a child vs. your friend Lauren apparently has them - and disposes of them - so easily. It would be easy to get upset at that. They are obviously polar opposites in many ways.

I have to wonder about your friend Lauren that could have 5 abortions. That is a problem. I don't think abortion should ever be used so carelessly.

Answer 10

For the time yes.No more talking about getting/being pregnant/abortion. Once Casey is lucky to get her blessing (hope for a happy ending) You and she will probably drift apart from Lauren.

Answer 11

Lauren has had five abortions. She also has no tact. She really shouldn't expect anyone to understand.

Casey made the right choice to kick her out. Obviously Casey's values are different than Lauren's.

Everyone has the right to choose their friends. I personally wouldn't want to spend time with someone who doesn't value children and family. Anyone who has chosen to kill five babies doesn't value children or family.