This is a long one but...?

Question

…is this morally and ethically correct?
The story. My parents are divorced and my father pays $1200 in child support payments a month for me and my little sister. When I began college last year I had asked my mother to help me out in school. I told her since I wasn’t home for 8 out of the 12 months I should receive some of the $600 when I am in school, to help me pay for expenses. (This was one of the very few times I have ever asked her for anything. Since I was in high school I paid for everything I used, needed and ate because she said we were too poor.) She said no because without all the money she wouldn’t be able to pay for the rented house in an upper middle class neighborhood. I brought up the fact that she gave $200 to the church every month. I asked her to cut down on her spending to help me up at college because I had nothing. She cried and asked me if I wanted her and my little sister to live in some hole in the ground and asked me if I wanted my little sister to get...

less of an education than I did. She said no and I the argument stopped. She gave me $150 until I could find a job.

A few months ago we find out the landlord is kicking my mother out of the apartment because he wants to live there himself. My mother decided she was going to buy a house in the same upper middle class neighborhood: She was tired of renting, landlords kicking her out and she wanted my little sister to stay in the same high school. I found out my mother was able to save up $5000 in a year. I also found out the child support payments are going to be going to the house’s mortgage payments. (Although, I didn’t come across this information until July.)

My father recently asked me if my mother was giving me any money for college. I said no. He got angry because the child support is supposed to help me, and it's going toward my mother’s investment. He said he’s going to talk to my mother about it. If she doesn’t cooperate he’s going to take her to court. He wants...

half of the child support payment to go directly to my bank account.

The Big Problem. My mother and older sister have decided to buy a house and have already put down $10,000 on the house. They would be able to barely afford the mortgage payments with the $600 a month. They have no backup savings because they’re using everything they have just to buy the house. Apparently, my mother is still in $10,000 worth of debt for credit cards. But, my mother refuses to pay rent or settle for anything less than a rented house in her present town. I love my mother and would never want to hurt my little sister by taking away money that is going to be used to house. But then again, how is this fair to me. Regardless, my father is going to talk to my mother and make sure I am getting some money. But is the outcome morally right? Is the money I receive more important than my little sister getting a attending the same high school and not living in a house and my mother having to sell the house...

because she can’t afford it? What do you guys think?

PS. According to the argeement, my father is to pay my mother until the age of 23 or until I finish college. Which ever comes first. I'm 19 and it looks like i'm going to be in college for another 5 years.

PSS. My mother is a cake decorator making $38,000 with a B.S. in Computer Science. Go figure?

Answer 1

Sounds to me like your mom is quite selfish and used to getting her own way. If she can afford to save $5000 in 1 year and give $200 a month to the church, she can afford to give you your child support. She is living above her means and it's not your (financial) responsibility to keep her in a middle class neighborhood. (By the way, does she work???) You are off attending school so that you can better you life and she doesn't help you. That's crazy. And to make you feel guilty for asking for some financial support is absolutely WRONG. Just to let you know, the law states (in my area anyway) that once you turn the age of 18 and/or move from your parents home to attend school you mother is no longer able to collect child support for you. The support is to go to the child. She can't collect child support for a child she isn't supporting herself. It takes one phone call to the local child support office to have it all changed.

Answer 2

I can not say what is 'morally right', but obviously the intent of 'child support' is to support minor children.

You don't state your age, so I don't know if you are a minor or not. It appears that your mother's desire to buy a house is stronger than her desire to support her daughter in college.

Your mother saved enough money to make a down payment on a house equal to her credit card debt, and did NOT pay her credit card debt? That behavior reflect s a decision that does not seem financially responsible, regardless of whether she is buying a house or not.

You likely can not stop what action your father is taking to redirect child support payments, so there is already some likelihood that the courts will reduce the money your mother is apparently fraudulently receiving to "support children" but she is apparently using to support her lifestyle.

I'm sorry you are stuck in the middle. I suggest that if you don't already have a part time job, now is the time to start looking for one - no matter what happens.

Answer 3

I think your mom should stop being so zealous of money that doesm't belong to her, it's " child support" not "mortgage support" if she wants to buy a house, in the same neighborhood and cant afford it, she should get real and either get a second job or move to a place she can afford. If she has so much in credit card debt she should not be buying anything, its clear she cant manage her money or yours for that matter. Your older sister should not get involved because her credit might be in jeopardy.
Finally, if you worked through high school don't you think its fair your little sister gets a job to help out with her things?

Answer 4

How old are you? If you are old enough to go to college, you may not be entitled to any childsupport money. That ends when you turn 18. You are old enough to get a job and go to college. does your mom work? My husband pays childsupport. His ex and he split the cost of their daughter's private school tuition. Maybe you can find out from the divorce papers what was agreed upon as far as what your mom and dad pay and for what. I do agree that she needs to have a house to live in . But i don't agree with the way she is handling her finances. You can get grants and loans for college. that's what alot of people do.

Answer 5

Morals and ethics are two different things. Ethics is based on law. You should see about some advice from a Legal Aid group. The college can help you find some inexpensive or even free aid. Look on the web.

Answer 6

I think your right your mom should at least help you out with what ever your college would cost she shouldn't just depend on that money for the house payment, does she have a job herself ? You could make things simpler and move out making yourself more independent and that could possibly cut her supply from your dad and open up oppurtunity to get better assistance from your dad when you need it.

Answer 7

Im assuming you are over the age of 18 now that you are in college. Why not just ask your father to send the money directly to you?

Answer 8

The only thing that matters is that you've had a home where you were loved for your whole life. Don't let money come between that love. Even if you have to start with nothing, feel blessed you were provided for all these years and help your family in any way you can. You've already grown up thanks to your parents help. Don't piss and moan over peanuts. Move on to be a bigger person. It's the only way to be happy if you fend for yourself...

Answer 9

Talk to your mother again before your dad takes her to court ask her again for the money if she says no then let your father take her to court .I don't have the same problems but my parents are divorced to .