My husband moved out on me and my two kids over a year ago. I am moving on and dating. However, my father in law recently took me to dinner. He said that he wanted to apologize for his part in this. I asked what did he mean. He said that over 20 months ago, his son told him that he was going to start having sex with someone else (he had probably already started by then). My father in law just took the "Heh heh, guys will be guys" attitude because his son was turning 40 and "Well, men sometimes think that they have to prove they still have it. I didn't think that he would take it this far."
I believe that I should not have much contact with them (in laws)anyway but they want to stay friends even though they have the other woman sitting in my chair at their house. What? Why apologize to me?
2007-07-09 02:04:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, not for him but for you. Holding a grudge or staying miffed will not do you any good in fact it will hurt you. Remember that he wants to be apart of your kids lives. That can be very good for you and your children.
2007-07-09 02:10:56 · answer #1 · answered by shadouse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's not get clouded up here....apologies are **never** a bad thing...always proper and always a sign of peace if sincere. I think your FIL has carried that one on his back long enough don't you?
Also: the children....it is the responsibility of both parents to make sure that the children see their relatives and don't be hostile about it. You can't stay mad at other people because your husband and you got a divorce unless they are using the divorce and teaching children they don't have to obey their parents....that is a whole different issue. Nobody had say in your decision to get married so forget blaming others on the decision to get divorced it only wastes time in life. Also: tell us why your ex didn't crop an eyebrow at his father's comment/advice? He was and is an adult isn't he? I'd say his father has moved towards change he's learned how to apologize and live in the present. My guess is that your ex didn't want to stay married and with that said live in the present - it will definately benefit your life. It isn't worth staying all wrapped up in something that creates nothing. Negative past is ok to look at but it becomes a problem if it isn't dealt with by sorting out what belongs to U and what doesn't....what belongs to U and what doesn't belong to others.
2007-07-09 09:35:54 · answer #2 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you have to realize that even though you are not with this man anymore those kids are part of the in-laws family, those are your father in-laws grand-kids and its not fair to keep them away from that part of the family.
I know its hard, you yourself do not have to have anything to do with that part of the family but remember that your kids do have a right. I think you should forgive your father in law as he is not the one that stepped out on you and your kids. Forgive even your x husband because you will have to have him in your life in some form for those kids. Even if its just being cordial to him when you see him, don't speak bad of him in front of the kids, part of healing is forgiving and you cant go on with your own life without forgiving. I wish you tons of luck and patience in this time but you will find that in the end it was worth it and that you are a better person for it.
2007-07-09 09:10:40 · answer #3 · answered by FoxBelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact is that you have two children who want to see their grandparents. A friendly relationship between you and the in-laws would be a great start.
Your father-in-law was wrong about what he did, but he is truly looking for forgiveness or he wouldn't have told you, and you would never have known.
Forgive him, you don't have to be good friends, but a decent relationship is never a bad thing.
And as for them allowing the "other woman" in the house, if they hadn't they would have cut off their son, and that would never happen.
2007-07-09 09:09:46 · answer #4 · answered by paganmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your father in law probally didn't want you guys to separate. Perhaps when he turned 40 he felt the same way as your husband but your father in law didn't leave his wife and things went well after that. He probally hoped that would be what would happen with you and your husband. And now that you two have separated he feels bad about his comment. It sounds like he regrets his advice but felt compelled to be honest with you and would really have you sitting at the family table instead of her. I hope that helps but I am sure it will take awhile to forgive him. But you have to admire his honesty.
2007-07-09 09:14:21 · answer #5 · answered by tig 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your father in law is doing all that he knows how to do.it takes a lot to say im sorry.n matter what he said to your ex would of made a difference.your ex did what he wanted to do,he knew what he would be losing but didnt care.no man has a right to cheat,no matter the age.guys think they can do what they want.your father in law is being the bigger man of the two because he knows that their are children that he will have a life time connection with.tel him you would like to stay in touch for your children.they will see that you like him or dislike him and it will effect their time together.your ex will more then likely do the same to the next girl.hes not happy with himself so he goes loking and more.believe me when i say ive been there and that their are good guys out there.look for a kind heart in a man and leave the over all look at the door.pretty men are out for them self.i found a nice looking man with the biggest heart,who loves me and my children.not what he loks like to other women.he always thinks of me,holds my hand all the time and see me as his equal.
2007-07-09 10:12:59 · answer #6 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it there is nothing to forgive. Your husband had already decided to cheat and nothing anyone would say would change that. Your FIL apparently didn't realize that his son was serious. If he did I'm sure he would have tried talking him out of it and reminded him of his responsibilities to his marriage. Try to accept the apology and don't let this ruin your children's relationship with their grandparents. Your husband is the one that messed up and his parents aren't responsible for his actions.
2007-07-09 09:23:55 · answer #7 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a louse. Why aren't you filing for divorce instead of just moving on? Blow them all off and just make sure that he supports the kids. The father in law? I'd just stay away. There was no reason for him to tell you or get involved.
2007-07-09 09:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could accept his apologies. He might do that because he still wants to be close to the kids, after all, they are his grandchildren!
The "guys will be guys" attitude didn't help to your marriage, but I doubt that saying something else to your husband might have changed things.
Your husband already made up his mind on having sex with other persons and only he could have prevented that from happening.
2007-07-09 09:17:22 · answer #9 · answered by harieta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is not always what it does for THEM; but sometimes, it is what it does for you.
Do you want to be forgiven for doing something totally stupid, especially when you did not know you were hurting another person?
Then you have to forgive them for doing something totally stupid, even if they do not know how much it hurts you.
2007-07-11 00:37:39 · answer #10 · answered by NC_Pianist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋