I feel that one of my bridemaids is unsupportive of me getting married. She thinks I am too young, and she seems to think that I don't know that marraige is hard work sometimes (which I know). I have been dating the guy for 4 and 1/2 years and she and her fiance are very close with us. They are getting married in May and we are in Decemeber. She may be a little jealous or frustrated that we are marrying before them, but I am struggling with the thought of my friend and bridesmaid not supporting this big part of my life. I was thinking of confronting her and telling her that if she wasnt supportive of my decision, then maybe she shouldn't be a bridesmaid? Is that too harsh? I am just really upset about this. Help!
2007-07-09 01:41:50 · 12 answers · asked by HeLovesMe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well, it is still early in my wedding planning process, so for the record... I havent asked my bridesmaids to do anything except get fitted for the dress. So I dont mean unsupportive in a wedding sense, I mean unsupportive of the timing of this marraige.
2007-07-09 02:38:39 · update #1
i got married two months after my best friend and i do not think there were hurt feelings, we were happy for each other.
you need supportive people right now, not a debbie downer. i would wait to see if her attitude changes before confronting her. be supportive for her wedding and maybe she will see that she should do the same.
2007-07-09 05:02:31 · answer #1 · answered by Christina V 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, you cannot control other people. You can only control yourself.
I don't mean to sound like I'm picking on you personally. This is for all brides and people in general (me included): Bride or not - no one has the right to be rude or demanding or mean. Your "special day" isn't so special to others - so it's good to get over yourself really quick.
SO, what are you doing to antagonize the situation? What do you mean by "unsupportive?" Are you expecting her to cow-tow to your every whim and be there at the drop of every hankey? Are you a demanding, picky spoiled brat? Do you expect everyone to kiss your foot because you're the bride? Do you totally dismiss any of her suggestions? Are you behaving like a typical "bridezilla?" If so, then she has a right to distance herself from you - especially if you're acting in an immature fashion.
And I think she means immature - not too young. Unless your friend is like 10 years older than you are - etc.etc. So, check your own actions and such - and see if you didn't create the problem in the first place. Be honest. Be really honest.
Then, after some serious honest reflection, you should meet with her at a nice bistro and discuss her concerns about your marriage. And if she feels you've treated her badly - then apologize and promise to do better in the future. Don't get mad - just realize that you may have really stepped on not only her toes - but your other bridal-party members as well.
And offer her the option of doing something else besides being a bridesmaid - which can be alot of work and expense - especially if she's getting ready for her own wedding. Perhaps handing out programs or just making sure your veil is on straight or something like that. But not because she's unsupportive of you - offer this option in the light that she's preooccupied with her own nuptuals and it would be really unfair to distract her from planning HER perfect day.
But first, look in the mirror etc.
2007-07-09 02:24:02 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts when people criticize you for your choices in marriage, having children, and career choices. But these are YOUR choices. Anyone who wants to be a part of your life should just support you and help you along. When people say I shouldn't get married it upsets me and puts me on the defensive. I would definitely talk with her and just explain that for her to be a bridesmaid, standing up there with you is for support and if she isn't supporting you then she should be sitting down. It's an honor to be part of the wedding party. If you are chosen, it means the bride or groom really loves you and trusts you. But you can't go through your wedding day with this in the back of your mind. So, get it resolved ASAP! Good luck!
2007-07-09 03:13:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if it really is early in your planning/engagement you need to give her a bit of time to get over it. It may be jealousy as you suggested and she just needs some time/space to get over it.
But if it's something that persists or other friends or family have similar feelings you should at least hear them out and take them seriously. The person who said she may mean "immature" not just your age, is probably right. The length of relationship is not always an indicator of the strength of relationship or your readiness to get married. I'm not saying you need to take their advice or that thier feelings are correct, but if this is coming from a life-long friend the concern may be valid and you should consider the possiblity that she has your best interests at heart.
In both good and bad ways, people outside of a relationship often see things the people inside do not and vice versa. No one but you and your fiance can truly know what your relationship is like but people who care about us often don't show continued concern over a situation out of jealousy.
2007-07-09 03:21:58 · answer #4 · answered by tnk3181979 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds very unusual. Why could she no longer take your calls? this is a real secret! deliver her an email, as you have already suggested, and tell her you like her nicely, yet you're assuming, based on her loss of communique, that she should not be attending your wedding ceremony. you already know that some thing has replaced. this is all genuine. Get in touch in case you ever pick a buddy. Then proceed to make your wedding ceremony plans different than for her. we don't be attentive to each little thing that is going on in her existence. probable this is undesirable. this could relieve her of dissimilar the stress she could be feeling.
2016-10-01 05:07:29 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point, don't kick her out of the bridal party. She's merely expressed concern that you might be rushing things. That's what friends are supposed to do. Next time, just tell her nicely and politely that you really appreciate her concern, but that you are positive that this is the right decision for you. As the time goes on and she keeps it up, or it gets worse, then it's time for the ultimatum of shape up or ship out.
But make sure you make the final decision BEFORE she orders the dress. Otherwise, if you kick her out of the bridal party and she's ordered the dress, you will be responsible for paying for it. Also know that friendships can be utterly ruined forever if you kick her out of the bridal party. Just be prepared for that.
2007-07-09 03:45:49 · answer #6 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should sit down and have a little talk with her. Your bridesmaids are supposed to be supportive and be there to help you with the wedding preparations. If she is not fulfilling her position in your wedding party, then you are not obligated to keep her on as a bridesmaid.
2007-07-09 01:51:12 · answer #7 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you should be too harsh right away... talk to her about it and just tell her you don't feel she is being supportive of you and you really need her to be. Are you being supportive of her? If so make this point....there is no reason for her not to support you unless she sees something in this guy that you dont, something that would make her unsupportive. Talk to her, woman to woman and find out the real reason why she won't support you. if it's petty then tell her to just support you or step down....if it's serious then consider her reason's.
2007-07-09 01:52:14 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is YOUR wedding. It's supposed to be YOUR day to be completely happy. I myself am tying the knot in September. I recently switched one of my bridesmaids, simply because she was being uncooperative with getting fitted for her dress. She is one of my best friends and has been for years. However, I do not want anything to cause me stress or angst on my big day.
You have to make this decision yourself, but I recommend finding a replacement, then gently telling the unsupportive bridesmaid that you no longer need her.
If you think you can resolve the situation, go for it. If not, don't let her ruin your wedding day.
2007-07-09 01:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by hopefromcrystals 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I think you are being a little harsh. She's not telling you not to get married, she's making you think.
If you want to surround yourself with mind-numb people that "Atta Girl" you from here on out, that's fine. You have one that looks at life from a little different perspective. Nothing wrong with a different pair of eyes.
2007-07-09 07:43:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋