I fell in love with a married man who left his wife 4 months ago for the 2nd time. He is 51 years with 3 grown up children in their 20's. I have 2 grown up children & have been on my own for 2 yrs from the last relationship. He's a catholic & Italian which means the whole family is involved. He has sisters who all divorced and encorage him to leave her as she has been abusive throughout the marriage. They have had counselling & it hasn't worked. However recently he decided to meet his wife to talk things through as he said he didn't want to start a relationship with me while he felt confused about his wife & wanted to see if she would make it work. He says this then says that I am everything that he is looking for in a woman. I have not had any sexual contact with him as I feel that this is for two people who are going to be together long term. My gut feeling is that his marriage will once again fail & he will want to be with me but I can't help but feel upset, bewildered & in limbo.
2007-07-09 00:03:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just to add to this he had an affair in the first place way before he met me and that's why his marriage disolved as he wasn't getting the intimacy he wanted from his wife. He had an affair with a lady who was over 60 years old and loved her. He realised that his wife was never going to change her ways and sort an affair with the first woman who paid him some attention. I love this man and have been a friend to him only although we have become more than friends but no sexual intimacy at all as I will not be the cause of his decision to leave his wife as I have gladly wished him luck.
2007-07-09 00:36:32 · update #1
It's sounds like you are both confused. If he loves you he will be with you. You might love him, but you are damaging your self-respect to love someone who wants to try to be with someone else, no matter what the motivation is. He's basically said that he doesn't want to start a relationship with you because he wants to try and patch up his marriage. Sorry, but that sounds like your answer. He doesn't sound like the right person for you to be with. I haven't met the love of my life, but I'm assuming he would pick me over another woman. In your case, he's picked his wife instead, and it doesn't matter how abusive she is, but it does matter that he is confused. Someone is out there that will love you first and foremost, where the decision is a foregone conclusion, instead of being confusing. When you are wishing to be with a married man who's heart isn't with you, the one who will really love you won't be able to find you. Let the married guy go, if he was meant to be with you, he would be.
2007-07-09 00:22:17 · answer #1 · answered by chriscomposer 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some things dont make sense just dont break your head over them we are dealing with a guy who hasnt got any guts a bit of a turn off actually and if it is out of religion issues he is back then the wife is Maria and you can never win.You always be 2nd best.......you dont deserve that.It could just be that he was trying to make you feel better as that is the nice guy he is but what is he doing next give you the cold shoulder a lousy excuus about his wife he is not being honest despite being a catholic shame on him.......for now be a friend and tell him you are always be there for him most important dont pressure him it is not your decision he has to find out for himself who will be the one to go for but probabely he will keep on leaving his ex wife some do have weird habits
2007-07-09 07:21:38 · answer #2 · answered by ajal 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im afraid you will have to wait. It may sound strange, but I think hes doing the right thing, by making sure his marriage is really over, and by not having a sexual affair with you, so he is a real gentleman and sounds as though he is worth the wait.
By the sounds of things, things wont work out. If hes serious about his marriage he would lose all contact with you. but It does sound like he loves you, but it is hard to leave a marraige even one that is not going well.
I hope it all turns out for the best in the end (and that you get the guy) Im not really sure what your question is, but I really feel for you.
Goodluck
2007-07-09 07:10:21 · answer #3 · answered by Dani 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck! I 2 hope he'll soon have her as an ex-wife & u'll have him 4 urself! Believe in love & give him space...
Don't b 2 pusshy but just keep checking on him every day so he won't get obsessed w/ guilt or something, or try 2 save the marriage 4 the kids eventhough he's unhappy w/ her & kids r old enough... sometimes men can do stupid things...
I wish u the best w/ ur man!
2007-07-09 07:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by mallika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to step back and let him try to work things out with his wife with out you interfering in their marriage. if he wants it to work with his wife then you need to give him time so that he can make clear decisions without having to consider your feelings as well. his sisters have nothing to do with his marraige wether they think it will work or not. this is a family do you really want to be responsible for him regretting his decision to leave his wife. sorry but your feelings for him are going to have to wait until he has sorted his family out first. besides do you think that he will be ready to have a relationship with even though he had just been divorced{if he does}?
2007-07-09 07:19:15 · answer #5 · answered by bluebutterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man is keeping you on the side, sorry to say. And I think he likes the emotion comfort you give him which is worse than someone who is only looking for one thing, because now your heart is wrapped up in it. Be firm and be ready for him to choose his wife over you. You don't deserve this, after he makes his choice make it clear that you won't be held in limbo and stick to it!
2007-07-09 07:15:54 · answer #6 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a someone who's husband has cheated on me....just remember....there are two sides to every story...from the sounds of it, you are only hearing his.
You have no idea what he is telling his wife and what he could be telling you is all lies.
I think you are very smart to withhold the sexual intimacy.
2007-07-09 08:06:11 · answer #7 · answered by Catryem 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you got involved, you knew this man was still married and willingly messed with a married man. You need to back off, let him work things out with his wife. He made his choice and it obviously wasn't you.
2007-07-09 07:16:32 · answer #8 · answered by green_clovers66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please keep away from him as early as possible while nothing happen with you sexually and that married guy. He has still married and respect their family to save them for good for their kids. It also advantage for you considering you have also your own kids.
But, however, if he has still problem with his wife and their differences will never been settled, and he is still looking for you, then it's up to you to be with him for your hapiness and start building your own family.
Have fun with him....
2007-07-09 07:12:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
relax and sort it out in relationship=honor will come to those that live in honor-it may take time-either way -yet do right even if the stars fall-the way to honor is in true friendship that leads to Marriage. Relationship with another is a gift from God, if you truely love someone you commit to them. Marriage is to put it into writing telling the whole world that you are legally together in honor-lots of guys or women (not ladies-but Jesus can change anyone) will say they love someone and dishonor another person.
this helped me as raised a Jew to see the deaper truths to believe too=Christian means a follower of the Messiah-who came as a Jew- the believer in Jesus-has power over the mind to control their thoughts, thus when Jesus says to forgive and let Me handle it, or about lust is adultry against God, or hate is murder in the heart, we have the calling to cast down all imaginations that exault themselves against God which brings true peace and joy to our heart in all situations (Philippians 4:4-20).
My Jewish people believe in the comming of a Messiah, and his fulfillment is in Jesus. The laws of Judaism were given specifically to the Jewish people to be kept and to guide them to the promised Messiah.
Isaiah 9:6 the child to be the Son given, the mighty God and the prince of peace..
Isaiah 52:13-53:12 To be the exalted one. To first be marred more than any man, and to lay down his life to make atonement for our sins.
The way I came to know him is by believing what he spoke to us from heaven (Revelation1:1 chapter 1 verse 1 & 3:19&20 "I love you and ask you to repent of your sins (even one lie) quickly. Behold I stand at your heart door and knock If you hear my word and open the door, I will come in and be your friend."
so I prayed "Jesus I am sorry for my sins, come into my heart and help me, be my friend, amen."
Its all good and now as a Jew who has come to know Jesus is my Messiah, savior, and best friend giving me joy beyond words and power to live right. And someone said this for me telling them this too
Praying the best for you in every way, David
2007-07-09 07:10:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋