Is this abuse?

Question

Id done something wrong to upset my bf and i didt know what it was, my bf started messin around pinnin me down and my bedroom floor and then after bit hed get more aggressive and hed start to have this weird look in his eye, i finally got up from him pinnin me down on my bedroom floor and moved to my bed, he then grabbed hold of me agen and pinned me down on my bed for 40 mins, he was touchin my face, and belly, i actually thought he was goin to do somet, but he didt. he let go of me finally after i started cryin cos he was hurtin my arms, sqeasin them more and more if i tried to move, i screamed at him tellin him i didt want him near me and leave me alone. i ran out of my room and into the bathroom, where i cried, this was the second time hed done this, the first time was at his house, but i gave him another chance.

A few hours later we went the park at the park entrace near some trees, he started to get grass n mud n try puttin it in my mouth but didt succeed, i told him id kill him if i could, n then he said right then smak my head off tht post then n i said no, he thn shoved me up against a fencen started shoutin at me, he grabbed my hand n put it around his throat n speashed it so he was makin my choke him i managed to get my hand my free, if it wasnt for this man to come by with dogs, i would of still been their, cos when the man came past i managed to get out of my bfs trap n walk behind the man n to the park where there was people, my bf just followed behind n didt lay a finger on me cos all my friends came n well cos people were there.

ive already been abused by my cousin, and i told my bf about tht, it think he does this because he knows cant fight back and when he does behave like this it reminds me of my cousin n its like shes in him.

his father used to beat his mum up, and its like hes got his dads temper, after he pinned me down on the bed and i got away he said what made him do tht was cos of somet crap what had happend in a relationship months back n hed been thinkin about it.

Answer 1

you really should get rid of him as soon as possible. you deserve respect in a relationship, not this freak who thinks he can get away with abusing you like that.

Answer 2

I've just been writing a post about the reason why you should honour your parents even if they've abused you. It's authority and it helps you learn how to deal with authority. Your boyfriend shouldn't be treating you like this. Is there much money involved in hanging out with him? Are you using this to sedate you about family troubles?

Here's what I wrote:
I've been grappling with the question of how to honour your parents if they abused you. Ecclesiastes 7:7 talks about the value of working with your hands and patience is a virtue.

I noticed this sentence in something I read recently on the subect: "This has the positive outcome to the cult that most family ties are severely weakened, strengthening those to the cult." This is why you can't let go of your honour to your parents, no matter how badly you've been hurt. You'll be letting yourself in for another high-sounding idealistic group, which is how cults first appear. Compare with Proverbs 30:11-14 - "There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers; those who are pure in their own eyes and yet are not cleansed of their filth; those whose eyes are ever so haughty, whose glances are so disdainful; those whose teeth are swords and whose jaws are set with knives to devour the poor from the earth, the needy from among mankind." God is the originator of the family and procreation; money is the main contender for a rival interest in life. This is where cults come into it. There's lots of money in prostitution, drugs and human trafficking. It's organised crime and religion in one. This is from Satan. Hypnosis is socially induced by means of relaxation, suggestion and compliance. Suggestion is a falsely modest alternative to "direction" through authority.

Stick with authority. Don't use moneyed entertainment to sedate you when family life gets tough.

Answer 3

Are you kidding me? What part of - NO RESPECT FOR PERSONAL BOUNDARIES - are you not getting? Your b/f is trying to force you into something you don't want to do and obviously he's coming pretty close to achieving that physically. Have you not noticed he's not listening to you at all? Perhaps he doesn't accept the word -no-???

Your words do not exist to him - move on with your life and get him out of it unless he starts dealing with his issues immediately and positive behavior becomes a pattern.

So what if his father *use to* beat his mother up - what he is choosing to do in the here and now should be dealt with in the here and now. It *MIGHT* be learned negative behavior but it's clearly no excuse to refuse to "learn" how to have a postive relationship with a gal.

Answer 4

From the way you describe it, it's a difficult to tell if this was just playing that went too far or if he was actually trying to dominate and intimidate you. If it was just playing that got out of hand then you need to let him know he was being too aggressive and hurting you.

If you feel like he was doing it to abuse or frighten you, then you need to get away from him because it's only going to get worse.

After reading your additional info, I would definitely say this guy has problems with controlling his anger. You need to get away from him because it's only going to continue and will likely get worse. Knowing he is like this, if you stay with him, it's almost like you're telling him you don't mind being treated that way. Stand up for yourself and let him know you are not going to take it. And if you feel like he might try hurting you even worse if you left him, you need to go to the authorities so they can put a stop to it.

Answer 5

Im not sure what caused him to do this, but it sounds like he was a few seconds from losing it totally...

Sweetie, please believe us when we say there are loving caring men out there who will cherish you and love you and wont hurt a hair on your head. Keep looking.
This guy sounds like he has aggession problems and needs help. if you stay with him, one day, he will hurt you, you need to leave now while you can.

I wish you all the very best of luck.

Answer 6

Well, if you do not like it is where you define abuse or not. Sometimes people have weird relationships. They love the fighting and other stuff. But if you do not like it then, it is a problem. If you aren't into his whole weirdo piece then you should consider what you are doing with him because he seems to be in a different place than you are.

Answer 7

Awww hunny, I wouldnt of giving him a second chance but I don't know how well your relationship was before that but anyway, I'm not an expert but I think it is abuse and I think you should phone an abuse line, because I am still a teen I would phone the child abuse phone number.

Answer 8

It is abuse and it will get progressively worse. You need to get away from him unless you like this treatment. Probably next time he will go ahead and do what you thought he was going to do before he let you up.

If he is willing to try to get help you might give him another chance, however help usually doesn't work.

Answer 9

This guy is a full on abusive jerk who will only get more violent and the fact that you even consider still talking to him makes me think you need to get in some counseling ASAP!!!

Answer 10

It looks like you should ditch this guy - one second chance is enough. Even forced touching can be considered as abuse, as you were pinned down (as you described). Get someone who respects you more.