My Girlfriend is worried her brother is gay?

Question

GF is worried her 21 yr old brother who
has a strong interest in fashion
never seems to have a g-f (despite being date-material)
has a close friend who is very suspect in fashion-design
constantly dyes and changes his hairstyle
is totally pre-occupied with his appearance & very vain
quite feminine
has almost no male friends (all close friends are girls)

and is having a 21st party soon (his invites & the venue are plastered with own baby/childhood photos)?

She's very confused and upset. Her close, very traditional family has drifted apart since her mum passed- her brother was very close to mum- but she wouldn't have tolerated his preoccupation with himself.
GF has gay friends- but having a gay bro is something else.
She's worried it will crush her dad- and we think dad is in denial (eg convinced son is a lecturer- but actually he just marks papers)

Pls useful answers only- I ask again because of so many PC trite answers yesterday.

Do you think he IS gay?
How to soften blow to dad?

Answer 1

I would not presume to make any guesses about the sexuality of a perfect stranger, and your girlfriend should learn to mind her own business too. So what if her brother is gay? He will tell her and his dad in his own good time. And if his dad is "crushed" by the news, it only shows that he is obviously still living in the middle ages. Either way, stay out of it and tell your busybody girlfriend to do the same.

Answer 2

Oh for goodness sake, why do some people make their lives any harder than they already are. What does your g/f's brothers personal sexual preferences have to do with her? what her brother chooses to do is surely not anyone elses business. He's not asking her to join in his fun is he? she should stop fretting so much, nothing she can do about it anyway. She could do a lot of damage if she butts her nose in & makes him feel like something dirty or like even his own family only love him on condition that he fit in with their criteria. With other peoples standards of whats right or wrong.

I had a friend who's parents freaked out over his being gay. He was so cut-up emotionally by the problems & hassle he was already getting from other people that when his mum & dad also started on his "abnormallities" he committed suicide. He was 22 at the time. That was just 18 months ago. Now his parents say, it wouldn't really have mattered anyway & they realise they were more concerned about what other people were going to think of them & they're sorry that they didn't put their only son first.

Your g/f should not be trying to find out anything about him, he's a fully fledged adult now. How would she like it anyway. God, I hope he can't possibly find out that she's posting stuff about him on here.
This isn't a test on her brothers behaviour whatever his sexuality, it's a test of her love for him. No wonder their family has become less close since her mother died.
Maybe it's time she tried pulling her family together through love, not tradition.
As for the dad, if it's so obvious the brother may be gay, No doubt the dad already has his suspicions. Your g/f needs to stand with her brother on this & be totally united, that way her dad will see he's on his own with his thoughts & silly traditions that could cause him to lose his son. Please don't allow another life to be lost because of them worrying about what others will say.

Besides, I'm sure he misses his mum an awful lot & perhaps just prefers mixing with females in an effort to find the lovely feminine qualities his mother had. He may also be a little confused about his sexuality, he wouldn't be the first.
He clearly can't talk to anyone within his family about it. Being united is the only way for your g/f, you & her brother.

Answer 3

No offence but maybe the brother is worried about telling the sister and the Dad because he is also worried that if he comes out that its going to crush his family even more and that he doesnt want to be a disappointment to his mum and dad. Also it sounds as though people are speculating about this gentlemans sexuality!! I know that you are worried about your girlfriend and her brother so from an outsider looking in why dont you speak to him directly, it has to be confidentially so that he does talk to you and explains what the problem is. It could be nothing and the sister and dad are making a hard time for all involved for nothing, the best thing to do is TALK TO EACH OTHER.

Answer 4

Maybe, but there are guys who's like the description above but they're not gay. And if he's gay, for me, there's seem to be no problem. Acceptance is the best way to deal with it. And tell dad-in-denial that it won't the end of the world if he's gay. He's still his son and tell dad that it'll be the wrong turn if he confronts the matter with hostility. And I think it would be best if son and dad talk about it one on one. Son might be able to tell dad better about himself and it would be good if dad learns from the son himself. It shows openness and that there would be no problem once it arises.

Answer 5

What difference would it make to anyone if he was gay?
everyone accepts how vain, feminine and fashion conscious he is so why should who he sleeps with make any difference to who he is?
My bro is gay and to be honest its better then having a brother who is mean and is farting/burping all over the place. you get to borrow their really expensive moisturiser and they tell you honestly if you look like an idiot in a mini skirt and they are great shoulders when your hubby has done your head in.
Your gf has already lost her mum, she needs to keep the family strong and be a support to her brother-maybe her bro is just as worried as she is about it.

Answer 6

Let your girlfriend know if her brother is gay the love between her and her brother should not change.Never be embarressed of it.It is everyday life and the community would not judge her on it.Also the father would eventually accept the fact in the end if the son is gay.No matter what there is a old saying.Blood is thicker then a bit of water.

Answer 7

You girlfriend and her dad should accept him for who he is.
Her brother has a right to be what he wants and does it make him a different person if he IS gay?
Your girlfriend has to talk to her dad and make him understand this. He might even turn out to be not gay. He might just be very feminine.
Has anyone asked her bro this?
I believe that there is no easy OR hard way to tell someone that he/she is gay. You family should love and respect them for who they are or who they want to be.

I hope this has helped.

Answer 8

Just ask him for Christs sake! A very good mate of mine came out last year, even though most of us had known for yonks that he was gay. It does sound like he is displaying a lot of the stereotypical closet behaviour, but he could just be like that (highly unlikely but possible). Seriously though, if you really are that concerned just ask him if he's gay, then give him some support so that if his Dad does hit the roof then he will still have his sister and you to turn to. Please do not abandon him, you will regret it forever.

Answer 9

There is nothing you GF can do about it one way or the other. She might as well accept the fact that he is the way he is and she can't change him.

The father probably already knows and is ignoring it. You could call this denial, however he just doesn't want to be confronted with it.

The best thing to do is pretend everything is fine, let him have the party and continue business as usual.

Answer 10

try not to worry too much about your brother so what if he is gay he is still your brother at the end of the day just support him whatever he does as for dad dont worry either he will come round if it were my son i would be ok with this because he would still be my son no matter what