When we first met I fell head over heals inlove with him and imagined us getting married but he was not keen on the idea because his marriage before went really bad. I have been messed around by him over the marriage thing, we did get engaged but after two years and no ring or mention of marriage I found out that he wasnt accually sure. He did propose to me after that but made it clear that marriage would mean nothing to him and he thought he had to do it so that I would live with him which was not true. Last year he said he wanted to buy my house for me as a gift but now he is saying that he feels he has to buy my house or I wont live with him, again not true. I completely went off the idea of marriage and now the same thing is begining to happen about him buying my house. I am afraid to build my hopes up because he seems as unexcited about this as he did about us getting engaged, infact he seems to feel under pressure again. I wish I had more words to work with! your thoughts please?
2007-07-08 21:38:40 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I want him to come and live with me, I have kids, one 11 and one 20 who works. My boyfriend lives 14 miles away and does not want the long drive to work. I get the feeling he is happy for us to live apart even though he says he wants us to live together. I feel like a bad mum because my 11 year old has been unsettled by not knowing if she is going to be living here or moving to his. She sees no point in making friends or decorating her room. I feel like I have not given my daughter a perminant home for 6 years because there has always been the plan for me and my boyfriend to live together. I am a bit unsure about uprooting my girls and giving up my home to go and live with him. My 20 year old cant afford a flat and would have to give up her job, only seasonal work where he lives and she cant drive, me niether. I dont want to throw away 6 years, we do love eachother and have lots of fun.
2007-07-08 23:30:24 · update #1
I think that maybe your boyfriend is his own worst enemy.....
I think that wanting to get engaged and purchasing you a home are things he most probably genuinely wanted to do but then he probably started thinking of negative scenarios that he imaged will or are happening.
The fact that he's saying that he's doing all these things because of you not wanting to move in with him otherwise tends to indicate to me that maybe your boyfriend is quite insecure.
He obviously has the belief that he has to do these things for you to stay with him, i think he needs to deal with the issues he has towards marriage and any concerns he has with your relationship.
My advise would be to have these issues sorted before taking any further steps in marriage or home purchasing.
Chi Chi x.
2007-07-08 21:56:20 · answer #1 · answered by Chi Chi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is a very selfish person and he only says what you want to hear if you want to get married and have kids you need to no what your future is with him ask him where does he see you in another 2 years and if you don;t like his answer tell him you are ready to move on and see if that changes anything but tell him he can;t say whatever without backing up what he has said and showing you he means it because you can hang around for another 6 years but things ain't going to change and your clock will always be ticking so how much do you both care because caring is share all the way.
2007-07-09 04:50:28 · answer #2 · answered by beebee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love him then you'll understand that he just wants to BE right now. BE with him, love him. You don't need marriage to love someone. After he sees that you have stopped your pursuit of marriage, maybe he will relax and think more about it.
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After seeing the additional information I believe more that he is not good for you. If he does not take your kids into consideration then he is not taking you into consideration because you are obviously not going to abandon your kids. The wise choice would be for him to move into your home instead of uprooting your entire family to move with him, but since he is not committed enough to you to drive an extra 14 miles a day to work then he is really not worth it.
2007-07-09 04:43:14 · answer #3 · answered by kissmyanime 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're okay with the possibility that you might never get married, then I'd say just go with the flow and see where things take you. Don't put any pressure on him...if it happens, it happens.
However, if you know that you definitely want to be married one day, I personally (if I were in your shoes) would be having serious second thoughts about being with him. The idea that he would propose to you when he wasn't even sure about getting married, not to mention that he said that he'd get married if he had to but it would "mean nothing to him"...yeah, that should be a real red flag.
2007-07-09 04:45:40 · answer #4 · answered by midwesthoney829 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some guys get scared off marriage - doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you as much or want to be with you. My cousin was married for about 9 years, it all went wrong and he still has nothing to say to her even though they have a kid. He's been with his current partner for about 15 years - she's been a mother to his kid and he's totally committed to her - just doesn't want to get married again.
Hard place for you to be in....maybe you have to make some compromises to be with the man you love? Not an easy decision.
2007-07-09 04:45:25 · answer #5 · answered by Alex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't made up his mind by now you should leave him if your wish for marriage etc is stronger than being with this man. If your happy living and having kids with this guy without a ring on your finger then goodluck to you but if i was in that situation i would tell him to make up his mind or i would pack my bags and be off, i wouldn't wait around for so many years, if he hasn't made up his mind by now i would have left a long time ago.
2007-07-09 04:46:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear!
This guy seems to really be getting cold feet. He says something that makes you feel good, but it sounds like he doesn't really mean it!
I think you should become independent. Tell him you need to have some other relationships!
Other guys are not like this! Prove it by sticking to your guns and expecting better for yourself and you will find that someone else will love you and come through for you with actions not just words!
Grow yourself into a better person by getting out there on your own and following your personal dreams. You'll find a more deserving love in your future! You deserve it!
2007-07-09 04:46:14 · answer #7 · answered by Donna G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that you don't need things, you need his commitment to you. Don't wait 12 years like I did, then find out that it is never going to happen. I knew how much he loved me, so I thought. When I said that I was going to leave if he did not set a date for the wedding, I expected him to say okay. No, he said that he was never going to marry me. Now I am 12 years older trying to start over. He took 12 of the best years of my life.
2007-07-09 04:53:58 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
6 years is an awful long time to be with a man who is still having commitment issues. I hate to be this way but it seems time to move on. If after 6 years he is still not ready I cannot see him ready in 10 or 12. I would hate for you to pass up on love, BEING loved, marriage and children because you kept on waiting for him. He is not going to change. Sorry
2007-07-09 04:43:29 · answer #9 · answered by Petra 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he might be one of those people who will never want to get married. if you need that then maybe you should split for a while and he can decide if being with you and being married is worth it. and if he cant handle that then maybe you need to find someone who wants the same things as you do.
you have to give up a lot of stuff when you get into a relationship, but if you dont feel comfortable giving that up then go find someone who can give you what you need.
it will be hard!! but youwill get through it.
2007-07-09 04:43:54 · answer #10 · answered by Kim N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋