Please help me! My in-laws are staying with us for a while and my mother-in-law completely disrespects me and undermines my rules of the house! She allows her own children (the same age as ours) to disobey my rules and I'm tired of picking up after them. They are rude and I feel like I'm trapped in my own home. My husband says I'm petty, but I shouldn't have to change just because they're here. I have rules for a reason and they should follow them and respect me, but they dont! What should I do? I'm depressed and having panic attacks everyday from the stress. I'm about to give up and just sit in my room while they take over my house. I want them to leave, but I'm also not rude as to just throw them out with no place to go. I can't take it anymore. Please someone help....
2007-07-08 21:04:56 · 9 answers · asked by leafmistress 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh My, that would be my worst nightmare. Living with my mother-in-law, because she would be just like yours. You need to help her find somewhere else to live, I know it is not your responsibility, but you need to get her out of your home. If she has children, there should be public housing for her and her children. It will be hard for your husband to understand the quirks that are driving you nuts, because it is his momma. You should not be feeling this way in your own home. You need to "MAKE" your husband understand or it will take a toll on your marriage, and you need to tell him that. I have had family members live with me before and it does not work. You have a family and you need time for them and you need a home to feel safe and comfortable in. Your MIL should not take advantage of your kind heart and make a mess of your life. Yea, you need to get her the phone number to the local public housing office and get her own place. Good Luck.
2007-07-08 21:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by ransdoll90 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Goodness me what a horrible situation. Firstly I have some some advice on stress. The following simple steps should help significantly reduce or eliminate your panic attacks and depression:
1. Breathe properly - if you control your breathing, you control panic. As soon as you notice the signs of anxiety, check your breathing: breathe in slowly through your nose pushing your tummy out (to the count of 5 or so). Breathe out slowly and for a bit longer (to the count of 7 or so) through your mouth. Do not breathe rapidly or shallowly (in the chest area). This will soon restore the balance of oxygen and you will feel a lot better.
2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy! CBT is proven to be the most effective thing for panic attacks and depression. It takes a bit of work, but it is super effective. (After 15 years of panic attacks, mine stopped completely). You can take a course for free online at: http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/elear... It has been funded by NHS Scotland and has had great results thus far.
3. Try relaxation exercise tapes (progressive muscular relaxation). They really help if you practise often enough. This site has instructions on how to do it without the tapes (and other useful info): http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resource...
Now, I think you need to get your husband on your side. Tell him that the situation is making you ILL. And make an appointment with a doctor to show how serious you are taking your mental health. Perhaps bring your husband along to the appointment?
Your husband (and perhaps you) need to find a place for your in-laws to live/stay asap. If nothing looks like changing, insist on going away for a few days because 'you can't handle the stress'. Your absence might make your husband realise what is truly important to him.
Good luck!
2007-07-08 23:51:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear your plight about the in-laws but I guess your husband has to say something about this behaviour in the house. As they are guest to your house, they should follow your rules. They should respect you and your husband. I suppose you need mutual consent from them and they need to be convinced that you are the master of the house. With all said, I suppose doing it is another question. Maybe both you and your husband should sit down with the whole family and discuss it after dinner together. I think your husband should lead the conversation and start off with a mutual tone. Stay calm and do not get angry. Don't get emotional over the conversation. Remember to stay calm. Always tell yourselves that for every problem there is a solution. Hope that helps.
2007-07-08 21:11:36 · answer #3 · answered by happy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband again. Tell him these are our rules and your mother obeys them in our house or she can leave.
If he feels you are petty and or does not feel he can tell her this then you have two choices. In case one; pack a suitcase and stay in a hotel send the bill to your MIL. She'll get the picture. In case two tell her yourself and give your MIL an ultimatum Either you live by our rules or you leave by the end of the week. (Make sure your husband backs this. After all he is in the firing line from two sides).
Start charging rent and cleaning money. if they treat it like a hotel start charging for it.
No matter what I know it is a tricky situation, been there done that.
You have to be rude if the polite does not work Give them an ulitmatum hard as it is.
2007-07-08 21:24:07 · answer #4 · answered by MissE 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had to move in with my mother in law for a while. I have never met anyone who can get me mad as quick as her. She just gets under my skin. She tries to interfere in my marriage and I simply cannot stand that. She always undermines me and tries to make me feel like crap. She just does not know when to keep her mouth shut. But that said she does help our family a lot. Of course not because she wants to help me it's all for her daughter and grand children. When it comes to our relationship I find the more distance we have the better I feel. The best thing that happened was getting away from her home where she made the rules. I fully understand what you are going through and truly wish you the best. You cannot agrue and (win) with the mother in law's. They know that and lord it over you. I had to have a real heart to heart with my wife and in fact probably the worst argument of our relationship. I made her aware that she married me and that she had to support me. made it very clear, it was me or her mom. Now we have moved away from her it's better but we still don't get along. She has never (the mother in law) liked me from day one and made me aware of it constantly.
2007-07-08 21:38:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't specify what "rules" they are breaking. They are adults, and they have a lot more experience in life than you do. Unless they are doing something unsafe or abusive, or threatening you in any way, I'd suggest you train yourself to ignore them.
Regarding their kids, go ahead and enforce the rules yourself. Why do you need to pull your inlaws in? Just deal directly with the kids, tell them it is your house, and require that they do as you tell them.
2007-07-08 22:09:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In laws are with you because of your husband and you with them becuae of your husband.
You should discuss the matter with your husband first. make plan and tell your strategy that these rules are for daily routine for members . and you must have rules for guests separate so your inlaws are guest. these will make your mind clear. then your talking with your husband will make your problem very easy . You describe the danger of breaking the rules . Your husband also will agree with your concerns and support you. But fighting will not solve your problem but will make you sick and your worries will get you in deeper problems of health and all will suffer .
Never discuss your worries before ,during sex
only make your plan and talk to your hubby when you have made him happy with food or sex and love...
2007-07-08 21:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by Jhentee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hi dear
i know wat you are going through i once lived with my father in law and he was also the type that wanted to take over the house by controlling wat should be cooked, firing and hiring maids etc and it drove me crazy. The solution is to sit down with your hubby and tell him you can't it any more its time he explained to his mother who is in charge of the house and who makes the rules. Otherwise if you think you can handle them you are fighting a losing battle. Inlaws can only listen if its their son speaking. Its time you told your hubby to stand up for you and make things right. You can only deal with your hubby to sort out this problem
2007-07-08 22:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by cynthia m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's YOUR house, so it's your rules. they should respect that, if they're not willing then they don't respect you. you need to stick to your guns and don't be gutless. are you going to be stressed for the rest of your life whenever she comes over? your husband is an unsupportive ******** and you should let him know. he has an allegiance to his mom, but he should be more devoted to you instead. good luck
2007-07-08 21:22:57 · answer #9 · answered by misterlyle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋