My fiance and I have set our wedding date as June 7, 2008. When we were making our guest list, I chose to leave my grandfather out. I have never had a good relationship with him, and most of his views I do not agree with and he makes a point to argue with me about them every time we talk. He's hinted to me (and actually told my mother) that he does not support me marrying my fiance. My mom called me a few days ago and told me that he called her and is very upset that he didn't get an invitation. I calmly explained to her the reasons for me not inviting him, and she's angry. She told me that if I don't send him an invitation ASAP, she, along with my father (who is supposed to walk me down the aisle) and my 15 year old brother, will not be attending my wedding. Should I give in and invite him to avoid drama, or should I judt ignore it and not have my immediate family attend my wedding, even though I'd really like them to?
2007-07-08 20:17:33 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
blood is thicker than water. give in, or you may have regrets that last a lifetime.
2007-07-08 20:28:50 · answer #1 · answered by TLC 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A wedding is too big a deal to not have your immediate family there. Yes, send the invite to your grandpa, if only just for the peace of mind of your mom. Who says you have to have a good relationship with everyone at your wedding? Grandpa is still family and unless you really hate him, just send the invite, chances are you won't even have to talk to him or see him very much anyways
2007-07-08 20:27:48 · answer #2 · answered by Portango 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nine answers are before mine....and I can't say anything more then all they did.
Both sides with different opinions, I agree with all, including your mom and how she is demanding with a real threat. I love all six of my children and support them in all they do even when I don't agree. Many times they will come ask for my opinion or my approval .... and I tell them I'm very sorry because it is their life and their decision.
They know I'm proud of them.....what they don't know is when I really didn't always see it their way and had indifference ... but I DID respect their rights.
If this was my child, I would be having a talk with Grandpa and not threating my child. It is my child and I WOULDN'T allow Grandpa's mouth to make me loose out on my right.
Like others, I do fear for you and fell you need to assert yourself as an Adult .... starting first with mom! Don't forget, Grandpa has no power and would stand alone if mom didn't GIVE him his power and then your dad and BROTHER! Seems mom has been busy! Just as an example, if your brother claims it was his feelings and had nothing to do with "mom" ..... if mom's response to your brothers feelings were .... "It's your sisters day and not yours" .... Grandpa and others wouldn't be so strong in threats.
If you continue to give in .... your marriage will have problems as your family is already LIVING your life when you haven't even walked down the isle yet!
I suggest there is many months till then .... so pay for the invitations to be printed anyway. Over the next few months, calmly let them know that you want them there and Grandpa too but it is Grandpa who is saying otherwise by the past way he continues to judge you. If they decide not to come then you will be just as sorry for their decission as Grandpa's. He has never accepted you as you are, yet you have always loved him as he is .... not with trying to change him. Grandpa might be hurt by hearing he wasn't getting an invite but YOU were hurt hearing how you shouldn't marry whom YOU decided!
BE NICE and don't raise your voice ...EVER! In the end, send out ALL the invitations, INCLUDING GRANDPA'S! In this way you put the ball in their court all the while letting them see and know you GREW up! During this time over months, don't begrudge them....or let them get you mad or upset. Continue to call as usual and don't allow every conversation end up about the wedding.
Good Luck!
2007-07-08 21:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by CallaLilly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a difficult situation to be in. It's your wedding, and (hopefully) it's the only one you'll ever have. You want everything to be perfect - would having him there make you have any less of a good time? If that's the case - I can see why you wouldn't want him there. Try talking to him first - say 'I want you at my wedding, but I can't have that happen if you keep looking down on me for making the decision of marrying this guy'. Try to reconcile with him, a little bit, before saying 'Absolutely not'.
2007-07-08 20:37:09 · answer #4 · answered by xdiabolicalsound 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may hate your grandfather but he is still family and should be able to see your happy moment! Invite him so that he and the rest of your family don't lose out and if need be ignore him at the wedding at any time possible.
2007-07-08 21:28:25 · answer #5 · answered by sallybinkey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's YOUR wedding. Sometimes parents, siblings, best friends, aunts and uncles forget this fact. If you want to get married on a garbage heap in leather buckskins it's your right.
Your mother got her wedding day...didn't she? How come your not allowed to have yours the way you want it? I would call your parents bluff. Tell them that you would love them to be their. But you wont be threatened.
Trust me, if you give in here it will only get worse. Next thing you know your parents wont be coming to your open house because you wont serve coleslaw....or your baby shower because your inviting that "bad friend of yours"....see where I'm getting at.
As an adult child...you are responsible for how your parents treat you. If you give into their "threats" you will be spending your life "giving in". If you truly don't want your grandpa their. stand up for yourself. It would be better in the long run. Trust me.
2007-07-08 20:32:32 · answer #6 · answered by pinkstrappysandals 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well personally, I think that you should have invited him in the first place. You may not get along with him but he is family, and he deserves to be there. He watched you grow up. And whether or not he says that he wants to go. I'm sure he does. I'm pretty sure he wants to be just as much part of your life as the rest of your family.
Josh
2007-07-08 20:48:55 · answer #7 · answered by Josh J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you need to really evaluate whether or not the conflicts between your grandfather and you have any relevance with him going to your wedding...surely he wont bother you there. If you think he has alterior motives for wanting to come or just wants to come because he doesnt want to be humiliated by not being present, then you should stand where you do. Your immediate family is ridiculous...obviously they are lousy (no offense)...they should love you and come NO MATTER WHAT! I would say, tell them, if they are that shallow, to come or not...they should not do you that way
2007-07-08 20:32:01 · answer #8 · answered by maggi r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!!!! Do you really want your family there or can you live with doing this with out them. Hopefully you will only do this once, having your father walk you down the isle maybe important to you. Your grandfather maybe genuinely upset and may really want to be there for you ...Call him and see how it goes.
2007-07-08 20:28:09 · answer #9 · answered by confussed 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wedding is almost one year away! Give in and invite your grandfather...there are bigger decisions to take care of.
2007-07-08 20:23:21 · answer #10 · answered by Cathy C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
family is family.
let me tell you from experience.
in life. well i hate to say this but...
marriges fail.
family is forever.
you dont have to agree.
but you must respect.
that goes both ways for you and your granfather.
respect his knowlege as an elder.
this does not mean letting him walk over you!
and you dont even have to agree.
we dont have to understand to be supportive.
put it this way.
grandpa. you are my family. i want you at my wedding but i can have you there if you are going to critisize the guy i have decided to marry. If you love me (as his grand daughter) then you will respect my decisions as a mature adult. You dont have to agree with me but you do have to respect me.
and if you say it that way...
well its pretty straight forward.
he should get it
2007-07-08 20:30:26 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋