My story.... what can I do about it? Should I tell my mom??

Question

Ok so my parents used to be together. Now they’re about to get divorced. They can't stand each other. So they don't live together. My mom, my brother, and I live together. So my dad comes over occasionally and we go places. My mom gets annoyed.. And my dad is a truck driver. My mom will have a drink every so often. and sometimes if she's really pissed then she'll start drinking and get really drunk.

So like I said my dad is a truck driver. So I went one of the trips with my dad. We went to Texas. And it was a lot of fun. My mom stayed home. When we came back, instead of driving me back to my house my dad drove me to his house. Which I've never been to before. He lives with the woman who he lived with when he came to the U.S My family is Polish, we used to live in Poland. My mom and I didn't know about this. Neither did my brother. So when I went to his house she was there. And I didn't say anything. I mean I was a couple miles away from home and I didn't have a cell phone. What if I got kicked out for saying something stupid. So I just stayed quiet. When I got home I didn’t tell my mom. I mean if I told her she would get depressed. The woman supposably stole my dad from us. But technically if my dad cared he would have stayed with us. So I’m just angry with my dad.

Now one day my mom was drunk, I hated when she was drunk. I couldn’t stand it. I mean she acted stupid and she kicked the doors and it was a mess. I cried sometimes and it was horrible now its not that bad. I got a phone call asking if I want to go to my dads house so I look at my mom and I just wanted to give her revenge. I mean I looked at her, she was drunk. How could she be drunk?? I just went for the heck of it. But then I got home. She wasn’t drunk anymore. I felt awful about it. But then I went over there regularly. Like it was o big deal. Now its all starting to bug me.

Now this is what’s bothering me. I’m hurting my mom. If I told her I’d hurt her more…..

I'm 13...... my brother is 18 years old

Answer 1

Yes, you would hurt her more. Don't - if you did tell her it would just be you acting out your *father's* disrespect which he showed by bringing you over there and requiring you to meet & greet the woman he cheated with. I mean, not that your dad is evil -- but he put you in this position inconsiderately. He probably just desperately wants to know you will accept him living his "new life," and you should deflect this pressure by telling him explicitly that you want him to be happy but you are still adjusting to your feelings about his leaving your family, and that going over there does not give enough space for you right now... Your guilt & resentment are justified, and he owes it to you to understand if you won't go visit him at home and strike up a relationship with the woman, just yet.

Your poor mom. How could she be drunk? Well, good grief, what that woman has been through. Being left for another woman, with 2 kids to care for -- that's beyond harsh, and very hard to cope with. She's struggling at probably the lowest point of her whole life. She should not take it out on you, or act out in front of you, and it's not too much to remind her that you need her to moderate her drinking. I suggest you just tell her calmly how you feel when she gets drunk -- disgusted, afraid, betrayed, angry, whatever you felt, just so she will understand that -- and say that you still love her, and you know it's very hard for her. It does not matter where you went when you needed to get away. You don't have to tell her.

When you feel angry at them, remind yourself that you have every right to feel angry, and communicate with them directly about what things hurt you, how they hurt, and that you need them to stop doing it.

Answer 2

Love your parents for bringing you into this world! When your Mom is drunk don't talk about important things. I wouldn't mention about your Dad's living situation. It's actually not any of her business now that they live apart, unless your Dad tells her. Talk to an adult like a counselor at school, or just a friend's parent that knows your situation, if you need to talk. Parents don't always know how to handle a situation and it seems as though your Mom's at that point. If she was not drinking before your Dad left, then she will eventually (hopefully) stop. She's hurting because your Dad left and doesn't know how to handle it. She's hurting herself, you and your brother. You may have hurt your Mom, but telling her what you saw won't help her it will only hurt her more. She obviously still loves your Dad, at least to some degree. If you are out of school, see if you can stay with some relatives and give your Mom a break and yourself. If all you can stay is 2 nights that can help both of your spirits! It's not an easy situation in any regards. Good luck to you and your family! Stay close to both parents. At least until you understand both of their stories and see their actions in the years to come.

Answer 3

you still got 5 more years of living at home, that is a long time to be dealing with this BS, i would suggest waiting for your mom to be 100% sober sit down w/ her and calmly sincerely explain how you feel about her drinking, that is no way to live and its not fun to be around someone u care about getting wasted, get her to say she will try to change & give her an honest chance to, but if she ends up still drinking then wait again for her to be 100% sober and tell her that you can't stand to be around her drunk, if she still drinks go to your father this is the best i can offer i wish it could be more, remember to only talk to her when she is sober DO NOT engage in any form of conversation when she is drunk or it will have BAD results

Answer 4

I don't think you should tell your mother as she can't do anything about it and it doesn't sound like she's dealing well with things as it is.

I believe what I would do is find an adult that you trust and explain the situation to them. Your mother shouldn't be allowed to be drunk around you and needs to get help to be the proper parent that you deserve, and your dad seems more interested in his other life.

You need an advocate for YOU. Remember, they are supposed to be responsible, not you being responsible for you. They're the ones that are doing wrong, not you.

Answer 5

divorce is a hard issue, and its even harder on kids like you, but if your dad already has replaced your mom and you feel you need to tell her, than don't do it alone, but you have to realize if you tell her when she is sober,she is eventually going to get drunk again, she will be asking how long you knew about it, your probably better off, not knowing, and let your dad tell her when he's ready, and no matter when you or what you decide. your mom will be hurting either way.. and its not going to stop her from drinking..

Answer 6

Honey,you are a kid trying to take on the job of being the adult in this family. Your dad doesn't sound that bad,but your mom has lost it.Ask her to quit drinking that it is making you sick with worry and, you don't like her when she drinks.If she will not quit maybe you need to stay with your dad for awhile or until she quits drinking.Don't hate or blame the woman your dad is living with.There marriage was not strong to begin with.Give her a chance,try to like her.Its not your job to tell your mom,if she asks dont lie,but try to hold your tongue.

Answer 7

What your mom and dad do is none of your concern unless they are hurting you. You should not feel guilty for not telling your mother. You know in your heart that it would her her. Just love both of your parents. Your dad probably left your mom because she was violent when she drank. I hope that you will quit worrying so much about their lives and start concentrating on your own.

Answer 8

Maybe your mom secretly knows. I'm sorry but there isn't much you can do except trying to have your mom and dad go on some sort of "Friend Date" and see how that works. I'm sorry but this is hard to figure out.

Answer 9

wow its like looking in a mirror my story is the same except i don't have a brother its my sister and her 3 kids mabye you should just tell her and tell her how you feel about her drinking keeping this secret from you r mom won't keep her from being depressed

Answer 10

aww im sorry sweetie.
im 13 too.
my parents got divorced also.
i know how you feel.
not fun at all.
im not sure if you should tell your mom so soon.
maybe wait?
or try and get her to be with people that she enjoys being around and let her have fun for now.