son angry hostile insulting he is a young adult?

Question

I was left in tears and depression tonight. My son has been spending a lot of time with his birth father and he is acting more and more like him. Very critical, hostile accusing me of living in the past when I clearly don't. I believe my ex does and has put this in my son's head. I listened to a one way conversation really a lecture in politics from my son. He got faster and more wound up. just before he left I gave some advice about his boss my husband left that boss recently. He said I didn't trust his intelligence I live in the past I can't believe I lived in the same house with you etc. I said yes I trust your intelligence I'm sorry if you take it that way no one is perfect and I feel the boss is sneaky. He said he knows about business I know nothing. I said I think your attitude is because you're around your father so much. He said I knew that was coming. He left mad no kiss hug nothing. I was crying my husband came hugged me and he heard it all and said he was disgusted with him.

My son can act nice on some visits but he usually will put me down or insult me. He doesn't care to really listen to me he feels I have nothing to tell him that I've never sayed anthing of value to him. Tonight he also said I can't believe I lived in the same house as you - I think what he means by that is your so stupid I'm so smart. I am a very nice patient usually generous kind person. I know I don't deserve this. From the time my son was little my ex did abuse all of us mentally and physically. My son seems to have forgotten or doesn't want to ackowledge this fine that is the past but I do believe my ex has a hold on him now and it would be my ex's dream come true if he could turn my son away from me. I saw it when they were young and I believe he is doing it now. If I even considered saying this to my son about my ex my son would say you're insane you fabricate everything or something similar. My son has uncalled for hatred towards me and my husband agrees due to my ex. solution?

I've read the first for answers. I appreciate them all. I think you all sound nice and I appreciate your advice. I havn't been able to score your answers right the numbers don't seem to chang e much for me but they were all good answers.Please comment on my other question I put up tonight thanks.

enothe : why would I blame myself I let my kids visit anythine they wanted to he rarely showed up. I never spoke bad of their father until they were young adults when they initiated it on their own. I was the responsible parent who involved my kids in sports, clubs (scouts) I volunteered at the school etc. My ex did things with the kids when he felt like it. He spent day one till now filling their heads with hatred to me and insulting and fabricating stories about me. I was responsible my ex was a drunk a womanizing cop a male chauvenist he wouldn't let me work dishonest and made me believe were poor. He destroy my kids and myself I believe but I try everyday to improve myself except like today I know I don't care I will be in bed all day tomorrow depressed. Please read my other note I put on the board tonight about should I run. thanks

Enothe: my children lived with me because on the court papers he only wanted visitation. I had a cop for a husband and a drunk and an abusive person. I am curious why you say I did wrong? He chose women and partying and I was there for my kids to the best of my ability.I was a victim and so were my kids so I don't understand your blaming me. Your comment where is that coming from? My son is in his late twenties and lives on his own. He didn't have rent money or insurance money so my husband and I gave it to him tonight. He was so busy acting mad he didn't say thanks he will later he'll likely phone and say sorry but there is always a but because he is always right. I am tired of being depressed and mis-understood by people. I can see my self in a small town with a lake and only a few people to deal with.

should I pack up a run is my other story I`d like you to read. thanks

Answer 1

I know this will be hard, You need to let your son know that you will no longer tollerate his abuse. If he can't show you respect than ask him to leave, don't give him a choice. Let him know that when he can respect you as his mother than he is welcome to come back. It will take some time, but he will soon learn that his father is the one that caused all the problems years ago, because he will turn it on the kids and his true nature will come out. No matter how much you love your kids, when they don't respect you in your own home, it's time for them to leave. It will hurt, but do you want your ex to abuse you through the kids as he did years ago?

Answer 2

Ok I have read everything from its your fault he's angry to your fault for the problems, to he's a spoiled brat and on and on. So here is some first hand experience.
My son tried the same thing. He accused me of being at fault for the divorce. He accused me of not giving his father a chance. He thought I was antisocial and unrealistic because I refused to see things his way and would tune him out.
First divorce is never just "one sided" but it can be more one persons fault than the other. However, NO ONE deserves verbal abuse and by allowing this behavior you are facilitating his anger. You need to set him down, as a parent would sit down a child throwing a tantrum, and explain to him while he has the right to his opinions..you are still his mother,
the person who stayed to raise him and care for him and under no circumstances will you tolerate his abuse any more than you tolerated his father's. If push comes to shove be prepared to tell him "You are sorry he is so unhappy but you will not take the blame for a situation he knows nothing about nor will you, in the future, allow his disrespect." If that doesn't work be prepared to ask him to leave... even if he goes to his Dad..it wont take long for his father to show his true colors.

Answer 3

Your son's chosen behavior is equal to that of a spoiled brat and I'm not saying you are responsible. I'm saying that all that are into chaos are usually attracted to those that preach chaos. He is making choices to cause his own confusion about women and other issues and so why should he be allowed to tare your world upside down. He shouldn't - deal with him verbally and let him know you will not put up with his abuse ...he's not entitled to having a mother to abuse.

Is he constantly bringing up the past followed by accusing you of living in the past? Has he decided to rewrite your entire personality and choosing to force this on you? Set your boundaries .....he's projecting hatred and enjoys arguing.

Also, you are his mother and no matter what you will always be his mother - he will always be your son. Don't listen to those that give your adult son excuses to treat you like dirt - your marriage or divorce is no excuse and he's playing his parents against each other...oldest trick in the book and is not a marital issue just because "people" define it as such which is pure ignorance. The preaching of that alone has caused nothing but family destruction. We do not have marital relationships with our sons and daughters that's just an excuse - parent/daughter or son period. Parents who are not on the same page / a son or daughter who can't stand personal responsibility has nothing to do with marital status what so ever. We are all responsible for our present behavior the minute we find out what behavior is. Your son is well aware that his actions belong to him and don't listen to anyone that verbally attempts to thwart them off onto you. Don't wear his choices for him either.

Answer 4

I can immagine how hurt this is to you. It is indeed absurd to hear such a thing from your own son. There is no doubt that his father, yr ex is the one pumping such behavious into him, to make him hate you. All the same, do not worry, yr son will remain yr son and yr ex is wasting his time. One day yr son will realise his mistake and he will come you and apologize and may hate his father for what he put him through. You have not told us how old he is, but it seems he is still a teenager. Teen age is the worsed where a child can easily behave the way he is told to do. But when they are about 16-18 yrs, they somehow behave maturely. Do not worry much about him, ignore him for the time being by not communicating at all. This will worry him and with time, he will come back to you and apologise and even reveal to you why he behaved that way. If he keeps coming to insult you, politely tell him to stop it and if possible, to stop coming to your house. He is yr son do not handle him with glove hands.

Answer 5

He sounds like a teen to me. I feel for you. I have a daughter and she is giving me a run for my money! She didnt grow up around her birth fater either. She has so much of his attitude it is unreal. All the kids I am around seem to give their mothers the harder time out of everyone they know. I guess it might be because you are the one he knows he can dump on because most mothers have that unconditional love. I feel your pain. Just know your not alone. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Wow! i became truly shocked that many human beings agreed to this. For the checklist, i'm eightteen years previous. I and dissimilar of the individuals i be attentive to have a rather reliable admire for our fellow people. i think of each and every so often we provide off the impact of hostility because of the fact we are by ability of nature very passionate and emotional. this is a threat that we actually don't understand we are giving off a damaging vibe. i will certainly could desire to provide this some greater theory. we are frequently damaging in the direction of the government or "the guy." yet that happens with each and every era. this is the easy and needed contempt for the way issues are and love for the way issues could desire to (could desire to) be. this is what creates exchange and keeps the international going 'around. yet so a ways as youthful adults having hostility for a majority of persons, we often do no longer. If something i think of we are often greater open to others than older each and every physique is using the fact we are nonetheless finding out who we are and what we are approximately. we are no longer so set in our techniques yet. Please don't be fallacious. understanding who you're and being company in that status is definitely some thing to be respected and in a fashion some thing to attempt for. growing to be up is understanding who you're and being tender and robust in it. possibly we are no longer lots damaging as envious. I hear continuously that youthful adults and youths "think of they be attentive to each little thing." we are very accountable of putting up this reliable front for older generations because of the fact each and every so often we sense like we could desire to continuously. yet we are able to often admit to our acquaintances or the individuals we are close to to that we don't be attentive to what the hell we are doing in existence. youthful adulthood is an extremely dynamic time. i'm sorry you have had some undesirable run ins with my era. we are no longer all depressing and angst ridden. some each and every physique is extremely satisfied and purely waiting until we discern issues out sufficient to make our stamp on the international! sturdy success on your destiny endeavors with youthful adults.

Answer 7

Maybe it's in the genes. There is nothing you can do. Just let it go. Your son is from you but he is not yours. Let him do some mistakes and grow. He will come back.

Answer 8

Well, your son is angry with you because he was raised without his biological father because of your mistakes. It is your fault that your son is hurt and he's taking it out on you. It's inappropriate, but not entirely uncalled for. You messed up. Hopefully as he grows older he'll learn to forgive you, but now that he is older he doesn't need you anymore and can freely express his anger. Don't blame your ex. Blame yourself.

Answer 9

apple doesn't fall far from the tree :(