my boyfriend, death, and his ex?

Question

in 2004 my boyfriends girlfriend died in a tragic car wreck, they were together for a couple of years and loved each other dearly.... he told me when she died he thought he would never love anyone like he loved her until i came along...he along with a lot of his friends tell me i am just like her...one time when we were arguing he said "you are playing games just like mandy"(that was her name)...he tells me he misses her a lot(which i understand i am not jealous)......i love him a lot and i know it is normal for him to miss her but i wanna make sure he loves me for me and not because i remind him of mandy....is this healthy that i am so much like her? your opinion please!

thanks in advance

Answer 1

First of all, if you can hack it, I think in time her memory will fade somewhat as you two are together longer, and YOU will be the one in the forefront. It is tough to follow up someone who has been lost through death as it was not by choice.

I would request that he not compare you to her, at least verbally to you.

Answer 2

If it doesn't bother you and your not jealous of her memory,then just enjoy being in love and,having that love returned. Some people never find this,there whole life.She has been gone 3 yrs.She will slowly fade away.Your man has loved 2 ladies and its natural to com pair.You have probly compaired him to some past boyfriend. It is also normal to remember only the good times between them and, completely over look the bad times.I'm sure she was no angel so don't make her one in you memory.Don't make it a big deal.Love your man.

Answer 3

You always find that if you have truly loved somebody your next relationship will have similarities.
That in itself is not a problem, BUT he should not compare you to her Certainly not in an argument. Tell him this.
You are not Mandy Over time you and him will have your own memories and she will fade. There will always be a place in his heart only for her. But you deserve your own spot there because of who you are

Answer 4

yeah, well he loved mandy because thats his match "perfect girl". s like you being similar to her is normal, he was looking for mandy and he found you, you are his mandy. He probably does love you, love you alot. People sometimes doubt it, if you love him truly, take that chance, cause I bet he could be really hurt if you told him ur not sure he loves you.
he probably would blame it on himself or something, cause of mandy maybe.

you know?
good luck

Answer 5

i think if that is your primary concern, you need to just put it out on the table and tell him how you feel. if you loves you for you then there is nothing to worry aboout. however, if he's only dating you because you remind him of her then there may be some issues. im not a therapist or anything but if this is a concern, then i would suggest talking to him

Answer 6

He might be loving who he symbolises as his dead girlfriend. It is up to you to decide to be a living ghost all your life, or a real woman with soul and flesh. Talk to him, and talk to him in a neutral ground (coffee shop/library discussion room/somewhere quiet) where both of you can be objective in your focus.

Answer 7

poor guy..im not sure if its healthy..but i would say no..because if he's constantly comparing you to her that means he's definately still hung up on her and the past..who knows when he'll be able to date again without thinking of her..but i guess its also that he liked all the characteristics that were in her..and also in you.

Answer 8

all you can do is to be yourself. if he dont love you as yourself then find someone who does. a lot of people has the same trends. so dont worry about it.

Answer 9

don't let him fix your car.