My husband and I have been fighting and he said that he doesn't think he loves me anymore about three weeks ago. Since then nothing has really changed, so we're doing a trial separation for the week. He's going to be staying at his parents for the week while they're gone to the beach and I'm going to stay here at home with our nine month old son and we're not going to have any contact at all. I'm wondering.. was this a good idea? I've just run out of ideas and I love him so much. I just want him to realize what it is he'll be giving up if he decides to leave, and hopefully miss me and come home and everything will be okay. I've been torn up for three weeks and I'm about to break. I need some idea of whats going to happen yet he refuses to discuss anything with me. He just wants to ignore it, but how is that helping? I'm scared that this was a bad idea and that he might realize he's happier without us.. what do you think?
2007-07-08 18:14:30 · 29 answers · asked by ... 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Yes, I think that was a bad idea. You should have suggested counselling. And if he refuses to go, you should go by yourself.
2007-07-08 18:17:52 · answer #1 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you seem to be between a rock and a hard spot. When the communication fails, misunderstandings occur, anger and resentment breed, and the marriage fails. Scripturally put, a house divided against itself cannot stand.
This is merely my opinion, but yes I think it an extremely bad idea. A couple of hours to cool off after a heated argument may well be necessary, but a week allows a germ of anger to breed into outright resentment. You truly need to calmly talk with him, if you wish to save your marriage.
I have seen many instances of "separation for a time", and they inevitably go from "separation" to "break up".
Remember that NO argument is ever truly one sided, and that being married makes you half of a team. Give and take is essential to effective teamwork, and unfortunately today seems to be in very short supply. Find the problem with your marriage looking at both sides of the coin, being truthfully honest within yourself when doing so. You can then honestly and calmly approach him about the problem, and possibly work out a solution together.
Remember that last word.....together..... Neither you nor he will be able to do it alone. I hope this helps you, and I pray the best for both you and him.
Paul
2007-07-08 18:42:53 · answer #2 · answered by pauldude000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry sweetie. I can only imagine the pain that you are feeling right now. I know it's hard, but I honestly think this may have been the best thing you could do for each other. I think spending a little time away from each other is good. I believe you will both realize how much the other means to you....he will especially. I really hope everything works out for the three of you.
2007-07-08 18:18:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your first big mistake is keeping the baby with you. He gets the kid so he can find out just how much he wants to be a single dad. If you make it all easy for him, he'll be gone. Check with a lawyer to see how much alimony and child support he'll be paying. I know a lot of guys who thought it would be just great to go back to being a playboy only playing it is not. He has to have the kids everyother weekend which pisses off the new girl friend something awful. These playboys can't hardly go see a movie and eat at Mickey D's after the support comes out of his check. When he calls to make up, don't be taking his calls. Play hard to get so he wonders what is up. Do not whine, plead or beg. You will get no respect. Use this week to reinvent yourself. Streak your hair, get new make up, nails and a bikini wax. If you get back together it will freak him out and if you don't you are ready to move on. Read up on the news so you have something to talk about besides baby wipes and nursing bras. It's definitly time for new silk jammies and hot bras and panties. Don't weep and wail, blow his feeble little brain right out of his head. Don't be too quick to take him back. Be the girl who plays hard to get. Good Luck and God Bless
2007-07-08 18:32:43 · answer #4 · answered by moonrose777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am not a psychologist, But I like to share my opinion. I am from Asian country so I always very restrict with our marriage relation, unlikely western. Marriage is not a game that if you like play with it and if you don't like leave with it. Here you already having a nine months old baby from both of you. You both must have had planning to have baby. That means your situation is getting worse merely 3 weeks of time. See I would suggest, you both try to listen and understand each others. Debate your thoughts. By sitting diffrent places without communication, It will get more worsen situation. Call you husband say sorry atleast bring him to home. Give him some time to refresh then when he is calm then put your thought in to him. Ask him what really he wants from you.
2007-07-08 18:28:07 · answer #5 · answered by Bluebird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Patience is the key. You have to wait to see what happens or how he feels. You never know, he could come crawling back tommorow, you just have to be patient. If this is permanent and he really wants to leave forever, then let him go. He'll be missing out, not you. If he WERE to stay, would he treat you better? Would he love you the way he loved you before? Once a man has his feelings set upon something, he does it.
So be patient and wait, if nothing, move on with your life. Don't discourage yourself because of a man who thinks he's stronger! You go girl!
2007-07-08 18:19:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember when you were young, someone said "If you love something, let it go. If it was meant to be it will return"? Well, this is one of those time.
Sorry to hear about your troubles, but take heart. I was once in the same situation you are in now. She left me and out 3-year old daughter and didn't look back. That was 13 years ago and still she hasn't made any effort to contact either of us. Oh well, her loss.
Don't know if you are open to this or not, but perhaps it is time you speak with your religious pastor, or at the very least a councelor. It is obvious that your husband isn't interested but you will need someone to talk to about this.
Peace be with you, and you will be in my prayers.
2007-07-08 18:22:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry.
I just had a baby and I can't even imagine how hard it must be to hear sth like that from a man that you love so much and who is the father of your child. Coming from a very different cultural and religious background I can't really give u a good advice but I will pray for you and your child.
May God guide your husband to the right path.
Good luck and God be with you.
2007-07-08 18:27:33 · answer #8 · answered by ina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its a bad idea. In fact its the opposite of what you should be doing... obviously he's going to be happier with some time to cool off... but communication is what you really need.
Sounds like he doesn't want to communicate, which means he doesn't care. If you can coerce him into caring, that would be great!... But without knowing further details, we can only give so much advice... Most importantly - right now try to empathize, you need to understand what he's thinking & feeling so that you can communicate!
2007-07-08 18:22:02 · answer #9 · answered by vérité 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope He misses you too. I certainly hope that this is not a case of infidelity. it would make it harder.
I don't know what to say to make it seem better. Pray . I'll pray for you as well. Contact your religious leader he or she may be willing to help. If anything else you will have one more prayer falling on God's ear on your behalf.
Some couples do need a break. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Best wishes and God be with you in this time of trial. May His will be satisfactory to all. And your beloved come home to you.
PS: If any dimwit says anything rude to you regarding this ignore hem they haven't the manners their mother tried to teach them.
2007-07-08 18:24:40 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs Lizzard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him have his space for a while, you need to learn how to play hard to get. You can't force anyone to love you, no matter how much you them. You should be more concerned about the welfare of your child and having him in a stable happy environment, if you have been upset this long so has your baby, you need to calm down and take things one day at a time for a while and focus on your child, your child is more important than any silly man playing games with you, put your child before any man.
2007-07-08 18:24:05 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋