What to do when family is fighting over items after a death in the family?

Question

My grandmother and grandfather in laws both passed and now my husband's family is fueding over items they think should go to them. Me and my husband don't look at what happened as a way to get stuff, but the rest of the family cannot get passed it. What should we do when one family member is talking bad about another to us? I don't want my kids to see this happen and have them lose a relationship with a family member because of it also.

Answer 1

This happened in my family as well. To avoid the fighting, I took myself out of it completely. I said I didnt want anything at all and refused to be a part of it. When someone called and to whine or complain, I politely told them I was still grieving and helping my children grieve and could not help them right now. After awhile they all fought, took what they wanted and though its sad I dont have something physical that belonged to my grandparents, I am glad I didnt get sucked in by their behavior. Truly, its only stuff anyway and stuff doesnt make you happy, the relationship you had, the memories, those are what really matters and no one can take those away from you.

Answer 2

The best idea is to keep totally out of it.Don't get in the middle of their fueding.Stay nuetral.
Did they not have a will set up? Ifso,they have to follow what their wishes where no matter what they want.Everyone should have a will,young and old especially if you have children.It solves a lot of problems and fueding that sometimes carries on for years.Nothing tears apart a family faster.
If anyone says anything to you just tell them that you'd rather stay out of it and change the subject or walk away.
It's very sad when this happens to a family.Keep your children away from the bickering as much as you possibly can and try to avoid it altogether.

Answer 3

People grieve in different ways and sometimes grief can bring out the worst, unfortunately. It is okay to respectfully decline to be part of the gossip, and know you are doing the right thing. If you are rejected for trying to make peace, then so be it. In the end your refusal to gossip and cause a further rift in your family will be a great example to your children. Hopefully once time passes people will realize how petty they were being.

Sometimes I think that people are like this not necessarily because they are greedy but because, in their grief, the item helps them to feel closer to the individual they lost. Just a thought.

Answer 4

As long as you both have the memories of the beloved grandparents and you have pictures of them that is all you need.
Just let the ol bickers keep bickering its not worth your time or your kids ears and eyes to see what happens next.Families do this all the time fighting over who get grandma's old churn or grandpa's old spittoon.WHO CARES along as you've got sweet memories.Good luck.

Answer 5

It is very sad that people can get so ugly at this time. Sometimes, you just have to take a stand, and that means that some relationships won't be the same afterwards. And, sometimes, you just have to let some of the stuff go. It's just "stuff."

Answer 6

Let everyone know that you are neutral. I know your pain as I have many vultures in my family as well. I just let them fight and don't take sides. I hold out the hope that one day when the material possesions are long gone, they will all realize that they didn't need material possessions to keep their memories alive.

Answer 7

Remind them that someone just DIED and that is the most important thing here. Tell them you won't bash each other and you don't want to hear it from them. You don't want to be part of this heartless feud.

Answer 8

Refuse to participate and explain to your children that just because a person is an adult doesn't mean they act like one.