Has anyone been ''disowned'' by their biological family... for life?

Question

If so, please tell me of it's effect on you.

I was disowned by my mother after I left home when I was 18 - just for leaving home and starting a family of my own. I had 3 children..I did not have to ask my mother for permission to have a family of my own...I'm sure that she did not ask her mother if she could have a husband and10 children [one died of a crib death] which ended up with her having 9 children in total. 13 years after she disowned me my mother died. If she had a problem with me then why did she get all my 8 brothers and sisters to disown me as well. When my 20 year old son committed suicide, that's when I could have used some love and support from my siblings...but my mother had brainwashed them into believing that I was a bad person and they don't even bother with me at all...but I would like to add that one of my sisters came all the way from B.C. to Ontario to come to our son's funeral. And now I don't hear from any of them. I could use a shoulder to cry on about the loss of my son but my siblings don't care.

Answer 1

After my father died, my mother "disowned" me. (Long story, won't bore you --it had to do with a greedy sister stealing her money and I tried to stop her, so she made up lies about me, etc. etc.) At first, I was very hurt. I will manage without the money. I wanted the money spent on my mother. I just didn't want my sister stealing it.) It's sad that I won't see my mother before she dies but, in a way, I'm glad to be free of her and her negativity. The bottom line is that life goes on. I'm glad that I have my integrity intact. That means more to me than anything else.

Answer 2

Yes, my mother had "control" issues...and put a new meaning on divide and concur. She kept my sisters and brothers divided, so we didn't all get together to see if she did the same to them. She would keep hostility going by telling one that the other said this and the other one would react hostile toward the other one when in the first place it was never said the way my mother repeated it. Finally we all checked out and got our own life. Then...my brother dropped dead after swimming with the dolphins at 61 yrs old. Same age as my dad. I grasped for breath. How could this happen? I hadn't made peace with him yet! I resented my mother even more. A year later, she died at 87 yrs old and none of us knew if she loved us or not. She died without making peace with us. So, I decided, she would not rule any longer. I got with all my sisters, and younger brother, re-introduced myself and asked them to become part of a family. P.S. after much reading and crying...I have found that only "I" can make a difference to think and behave differently. I know my mother had issues. Big ones...but she gave me life...she gave me my brothers and sisters, which now I have a daughter, with two grandchildren...all because my mother gave me birth. Grab your family! Please

Answer 3

That is really too bad. It could possibly be for the better. I say this because at a certain age people regardless of age learn or should've learned how to treat people and forgive for whatever circumstance especially if it's family. If they have not then they probably have learned from your mother that it's an 'OK' thing to do, infact, they may think it's the 'RIGHT' thing to do. I think you are much better off doing your own thing and being the person that you are than stressing yourself out over they're selfishness because i'm sure they are not stressing over you.

Answer 4

I got disowned for a stupid reason, guess it doesn't matter if I share the big secret now. My dad sold his business and I told my mom...oh ah big deal. They've been divorced 30 years so it's not like she was going to get money too. He went absolutely ballistic on me and hasn't talked to me in 2 months. At first, I was absolutely devastated, couldn't believe my dad would do this to me, but now I'm like whatever, he must be having other issues I don't know about. Your family may come around, mine too, but either way both of us will be just fine. Just continue to live your life, it's really the only thing you can do.

Answer 5

My grandmother disowned my mom 11 1/2 years ago over something she had done, and didn't like it when my mom tried to tell her how she felt about what she had done. Every time I see my grandmother (which is about twice a year), she cries about not being able to be a part of mine and my daughters life. I have given her my phone number and she knows where we live, but she never calls or stops by. She is married to a man who is extremely rude to any family when they come to visit, so I have chosen not to subject my daughter to that. At family gatherings all she does is run my mom down, has even gone so far as to request my mom not be invited to a family function at my brother's house. It is hurtful, but it's also easier not to be involved with her and lass hurtful. It does sadden me that my daughter doesn't know her great grandmother, but it's better than her getting hurt.

Answer 6

I would like to say express my sorrow in the loss of your son as for what your mother did to you for starting a life of your own olnly she knew the reasons for it but as far as contaminating your siblings against you was wrong they should have been there for you in your time of grief but they were not so let it be live your life for your children and put the rest in GOD'S hands be happy dont let your mom take that from you and forgive her even if she dosent deserve it make your peace with her and move on. Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

It is terrible that a mother could do this to her child, and the siblings to go along with it. I suggest that you find some kind of support system, friends at church, work, social gatherings. Get invovled in some thing that you like such as bowling, golf, tennis, workout gym, YMCA, and do things that make you happy. Look at it like this. It is there loss for not being in your life. You need to deal with your loss of your son, and heal from there don't let them hurt you anymore.

Answer 8

This is all very sad i really feel for you , my daughter has disowned me for the last 7 years its all very difficult and painful. there are plenty of help groups around that might help you. havent you got any close friends that you could turn to for support. i really dont know what to say to you but if you would like a shoulder to cry on and would like to email me and keep in touch it would be lovely to hear from you take care be strong and god bless you.

Answer 9

im sorry about all your pain and loss. its too bad that your mother had to leave such a nasty legacy, but im sure she is regretting it now, as she watches you suffer. i really think you should try to reach out to them on your own, if you have a way to get ahold of any of them. if not, then look around in your own life, and try to gain strength from the people that ARE in your life and the people that regularly DO show you love. turning to Jesus is always a good idea as well. maybe join a church, and u are certain to meet people that will become like a second family to you. i would be honoured as well, if u reached out to me in an email, and we could become friends. although friends arent biologically linked to you like relatives, you'd never believe the power, love, and support that you can end up receiving from people that ARENT family, unless you experienced it yourself. my best friend and i have known each other and each other's families for 15 years! her parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles ALL refer to me and my sister as their family. her sister just the other day, introduced me to one of her friends as "my sister" and that made me feel so loved and special. i realized how blessed i am when that happened. you, my dear, can find the same exact joy i promise. please email me if u need someone honey. although i've never been through what you are going through right now, i can surely sympathize with you, and would be glad to let u vent, just to have someone to listen to you and be there as much as i can for u. good luck, and i KNOW things will turn around for u. what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger.

Answer 10

i am sorry for the loss of your son. i can only imagine how awful that is especially if you are going thour it alone. second i did get disowned by my parents when i moved out and would not support them anymore long story. they missed the birth of their first grandson. it was so hard for me it put a toll on me. one day my son asked me where his grandparents were. and i couldnt handle it any more i made the decision to call. we talked things out to a degree we dont bring up the past. now my son knows his grandparents. i know your mom passed on but talk to your brothers and sisters and tell them you love them and want them in your life i wish you the best of luck and again i am sorry to hear about your loss. ps my sister wouldnt talk to me either and now she does now i just had to talk to her.