Is this a bad idea?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, we both want to get married(to each other) one day. We are both 20, and entering our Junior year of college.
My grandfather is dying, and I don't know how much longer he's going to be with us.
Here is my question: Do you think it is a bad idea to get married in the next year so that my grandfather will be here for it? I would be heartbroken if he passed on before we got married, but I don't want to ruin mine and my boyfriend's chance to finish college. Before you ask, the two of us have talked about this, and he wants my whole family to be there as well so wants to go along with this also. In the end though, he says its my decision.
As a side note, I know his family would not go along with this, and my family would probably be a little skeptical, though they are already hoping we will get married one day.
Any advice you can give would be great, thank you!

Answer 1

I too wanted to get married before my grandmother (who was like a mother to me) passed away, but we too had to finish school and build our lives. Trust me they understand. And although my grandma wont be physically with us on December 29 (our wedding date), she will be in our hearts. We are also honoring our lost loved ones in a small candle ceremony during the wedding services. So although it seems like you want to do it and quick, it will be better if you waited. Just know that your grandfather loves you and will understand. And I am sure your families will understand too.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Remember that as nice as it would be to have him there, there is an entire life together that will be taking place after he's gone. Wait until you're both ready. If you think you could make a marriage work at this point, there's no reason you can't also finish college. Most schools offer housing for married couples, and the worst that will happen is you'll live separately for a little awhile. It's uncommon, but it's been done before.

And if your grandfather passes before you get married, remember that many people believe he'll still be there for you, in spirit if not in person.

Answer 3

If you feel you are truly ready for marriage, then by all means go ahead with it, but before doing so there are a few things to consider. I just returned from a wedding today, and there were four grandparents absent. Both of the groom's grandfathers have already passed away, as well as a grandfather of the bride. A grandmother of the bride was unable to attend for health reasons. At the ceremony, a moment of silence was held for those who had passed away. At the reception, a song was play in honor of the grandmother who was unable to come.

In reference to each family not fully supporting the marraige, I would reccomend that if you are truly considering getting married, to discuss it with your parents first. As much as you wish your grandfather to attend the wedding, it may not be worth losing the respect of family members to make it happen. There are many ways of honoring deceased relatives in a wedding. Even your grandfather may believe that you should wait, though he may not be able to attend, until you are sure that the time is right to get married.

Whatever your decision, good luck.

Answer 4

Do not do this. Your grandfather will be there with you on your big day, you just might not be able to see him but, he would be so heartbroken if you were to change your plans, marry in haste and later discover that you should have chosen someone else, that you should have waited, that you should have finished college first.

Life happens the way it is supposed to. Do not go trying to manipulate things. Your grandfather will be happy if he can be certain that you will be happy. Rushing your wedding is not going to do that so relax and spend your time with you grandfather while he is herewith you now. If you were getting married and going on your honeymoon now you would not have the time to spend with him. When he is gone, if you marry first or not, you will find any moments spent with him to be so very precious. He will not be happy if he thinks you are taking time away from you new husband and new life to come sit with him. All things in their place for good (if unknown) reason.

Answer 5

You are both adults. I don't think you should get married FOR your grandfather, but if you are just waiting for a time, and want him to be there, doing it soon may be an excellent idea.
We are getting married a bit ahead of schedule as my fathers health is not the best. We all talked about it, and this is what I want. So figure out if having your grandfather there is truly important, then there will be no question. Life doesn't always wait for you...

Answer 6

first, people who are dying can go quickly, or they can linger for decades. this simply should not be the deciding factor over when you marry. obviously the two families are ok with you marrying when you are out of school, trust me, that is better. now about your beloved grandfather, may i suggest that you and your fiancee make a special effort to see him regularly together, say once a week, take him a funny book or a lovely fruit snack, have some funny stories about college to tell him, and, most important, ask him to tell you all about his memories and his family and his history. i promise you, these memories of the two of you spending this precious time with him will mean more in the future than any other memories. your wedding is one day you will have with him, make the effort to see him regularly and you will have a wealth of memories that will mean a lot always. stay the course, marry when the time is right, and you will not regret this.

Answer 7

If you aren't ready for the full committment then don't do it. If grandpa is dying he probably won't be able to come to the wedding anyways by the time you get it all planned the way you want and you'll resent it if that would happen. So, take a picture of the two of you together make it romantic looking and give him he would understand. At the wedding have a special rose in a vase or a basket of roses in rememberance of all the loved ones that have gone before this special day, your grandpa will be there with you anyways. You will feel his presence that day.

Answer 8

I understand your wanting your grandfather there - more than you know - but the truth of the matter is, if you want to finish college, you need to keep on doing what you're doing & when you get married, if he's not here, then you can dedicate part of your wedding ceremony to him. Have a candle surrounded by a hurricane globe & gorgeous flowers on the altar & have the program printed noting who the candle is for. I hope for your sake that he'll still be here - he could surprise you!! - but you need to stay in school in order to get it done. Take care, best wishes & enjoy every minute with him that he's here!

Answer 9

You know you could have a "wedding" that wasn't a legal wedding so that it would allow you to fulfill both your wish to have your grandfather there and your wish to finish college first. Some ministers are open to this or you could simply have a ceremony and reception with your own vows and no minister or JP. The other option would be to hold a big engagement party in lieu while your grandfather is still alive.

Answer 10

Don't do it...I truly understand the desire for ALL of your family to be there, bu tmarriage takes a lot more than you might realize now to make it work...and as full time college students you'll make it hard enough on yourselves...but then adding the stress of being married simply so someone can see it? Your grandfather probably knows he's dying, and he probably realizes he won't be at your wedding...and I bet it bothers him, but I bet he isn't saying a word about it b/c it woudl be wrong to push your marriage ahead just so he could see it. He will be with you in spirit and memory no matter when you get married, so take your time and finish college...it really is hard enough without the extra drama.