How long in a relationship should you plan for future?

Question

Hi,

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years now and we live together. We have been living together since 4 months into our relationship. He moved into my flat and then I found us both a new place.

Anyhow, I have been asking him about future as I want to try for a baby, I am 25 and he is 29 but he says he is not ready as wants to do more stuff. Like play on his Wii and all that!

He also says he not ready to get engaged BUT that he does love me and can see us marrying one day.

Thing is I feel there is no real comittment from him although I love he loves me to bits. I just need a little more. I feel my life is just constantly waiting for him and that all my plans lie in his hand as he the one saying 'When I am ready'.

I have tried to talk about it but he refuses too which upsets me. He says he wants to wait to go travelling but told me yesterday he doesn't!

What shall I do? I love him but am I wrong in wanting a little more?!

He saying he wants to wait as wants to go travelling as he never been abroad but told me yesterday he never wants to go abroad.

So it just waiting around for what?! We never even go out anywhere - we have not been to pub or for a meal in 6 months and we have never been to a nightclub as he hates them and we never been to cinema.

I have tried to get him to come out but he says it a waste of money then spends his cash on new computer games!

I am broody but when I say this to him he tells me to go find someone else to have a baby with as he aint ready yet which makes me think does he really love me to say things like that?

When he in good mood he will talk baby names but then nothing materialises from it!

What shall I do? I broody and at 25 my biological clock is slowly ticking!

Lx

Answer 1

you are not wrong to want more BUT he has clearly said to you that babies and marriage are not on the agenda yet. I don;t think I;d be impressed with him saying that playing on his wii is good enough reason for not wanting kids though!!!!
If he wont discuss it then you have a choice...stay with him and wonder if he will ever be ready to commit...or move on.
....................................................
I have read the extra comments you have made. hun he is never going to grow up. He is a Peter pan...get rid now before you get even more hurt. If he loved you he would not suggest having a baby with someone else. he simply has got it good at the mo....living with you and no commitments and able to spend on himself with no commitment to you.
If you want marriage and babies then move on and find someone that feels the same as you. I don;t think this guy will be ready at 55!

Answer 2

Sounds like you want to have babies marriage or no marriage. Maybe I misunderstood. But being broody doesn't not mean you can start popping out kids whenever you want and with whomever. You need to choose a life partner; someone who is committed to kids and put your children's interest first. You don't want to have all these kids and then fill their lives with your baby daddy drama.

And at 25, your biological clock hadn't even begun ticking. Women who are 40 still have children. Gush you are not even 30 let alone 35. So please relax. Its probably all this broody talk that is scaring your man away.

Give him time because if he doesn't want to have kids and you force him to, you will regret having children with him. Your life with your partner should be about how much you love each other rather than the responsibilities you two share in raising your children. You two need to enjoy each others company, love each other, marry each and then have children when you are ready.

And hey if you can't have children, adopt. Those are babies too you know. But I think you need to back off just a little bit off your man and stop the "broody" and biological clock tick talk. Get your life situated, marry and then think about kids.

If you think he is not up to it, then you need to find someone else to date and hopefully make a life with.

Take care

Answer 3

You;re right to be concerned, asking abou the future is a sensible thing to do in a relationship and you are both at that sort of age too. His unwillingness to commit is not necassarily a bad thing...he may just not have really though about it till you asked...he may need time to compute it all. But how much time is fair? You dont want to wake up at thirty five and find that he's still "Not ready" If I were you, I would make a concerted effort to change your life a bit. Go out more with friends, start a hobby that takes you out of the house, if he sees you having a god time without you he may start to come out of his comfort zone a bit and take stock more. You should give yourself a deadline...say another year...you're still young...ask him again after a year and if he still wont commit then get out of there. Three years is long enough to know.

Answer 4

You shouldn't of moved in together because now he has what he wants without marring you. Do you know if you are not married within the first two years odds are against you two every getting married.Reason being because the newness and excitement is gone. He knows what he is getting from you,what you need to do is stir things up make him think someone out there likes you.The only way you are going toget this guy to marry you,you are going to make him think he will lose you to this other guy if he don't act quick. What ever you do don't push him make him think that you are losing interest in him .I know it's sneaky but what else are you going to do wait until he makes up his mind if we women did that only half of us would be married.It's all a game and always has been we female are just better at the game.

Answer 5

Hi, you deserve to know where you stand and I cant blame you for wanting more from the relationship. Im sorry to say that he sounds very vauge and a touch too laid back for my liking! I personally would be a little wary of someone who blatantly refuses to even disscus your future together. Perhaps it is time to show him that you are serious! Tell him how much this is upsetting you and that you need him to give you some sort of commitment, or at the very least he tells you his true and honest feelings. It sounds harsh but the other scenario could be you wasting years of your life, while he is just happy to let things drift by as they are. Good luck!!

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Answer 8

dnt wait for him, if he really loves you he'll commit in another five years it wont be so easy to have kids... in a relationship things are suppose to work out for the two of you and it isnt in ur case you need to go find someone else who will treat you better and a 29 yr old that plays games and is cheap is not worth having kids with. believe me! =) Good Luck!

Answer 9

its natuaral for you to want more, your a women, most women in relationships do! the thing is it is soo important for the guy to make steps forward in relationships! girls would jump into it while guys are scared, thats why threw out history its been the man asking for marrige.. you know when he makes that step he is soo ready for it and wants it just as much as you do! he already knows you want it and it most likly does run threw his mind know that he knows its on the table.. give it a little more time, he seems to need to mature a little even at 29 and for him to start a famliy might be a little much for him..
if it goes on for a year or more and you want and need to settel down (like any girls dream) then find a new love that will be more then willing to have a family with you!
but preshering a man into comitment might work but wont last

it doesnt sound like your personalitys match that much with him being a little hurmit crab and you wanting to go out and explore! go out with some girlfreinds, it will take things off your mind, i wouldnd put any more thhought about him wanting to settle.. sounds like he still wants to be a kidd.. kinda sad but girl you deserve to be taken out to a resturant to go dancing, to see a movie to do all those things that will strengthen a relationship PLUSS if you do have kids you want to take them to amusment parks and to the zoo and to movies and shows ect, you dont want them to play video games and with him as the father thats all youl get..
think about him and think about your future kids, because when you do have a baby he wont change, he will probably change the dipares while playing his wii.. you dont want your kids first words to be playstation 3 do you

just think about it..

Answer 10

Wait a bit more be patient, if he loves you defenitely he will have baby will with you but marriage is not like how we think.
is hard work,think about it enjoy you life now and good luck to you.