How much effect does having a poor family relationship effect your adult life?

Question

I am wondering what type of impact my childhood had on my adult life. I am now 31 and just realizing I have some serious psychological problems and I am trying to figure out where they came from.
I would not say my childhood was horrible, I was not physically abused but I have never been very "close" to my family members. My parents supported me, but we were never very close. I never considered them friends and although we went on family holidays etc, things always felt "distant". Now we only speak on the phone a few minutes a month. My only sister who was a very troublesome teenager and constantly fought with my conservative parents left the house at around 17 and never returned. We have never been close and to this day only speak occassionally. Now I currently suffer from depression and poor self esteem for as long as I remember.
It really effects all aspects of my life and it does not seem to be getting better with age. I am constantly negative and unmotivated.

Answer 1

Family relationships, good or bad, will always impact your adult life and relationships. It is the DEGREE to which they affect your relationships that you do have control over, however. The more you become clear on what your past experiences were, and how they have shaped the person you have become, as well as your current views on relationships the less these past relationships will dictate your new ones.
The best advice I can give is to find someone with whom you can begin to explore these relationships and how they continue to affect you. The traditional solution would be to consult a therapist of some form.
If you are interested, I provide life and relationship coaching as a part of my holistic health practice, and I would be happy to offer you a free one-hour consultation via phone. Let me know if you are interested, and whatever you decide, seek out support in whatever form it makes most sense to you!

Sincerely,
Regina Bordieri
Certified Holistic Health Counselor
www.HolisticEmpowerment.net

Answer 2

Poor Family Relationships

Answer 3

Well, we can't choose our parents. You kind of get stuck with the ones you get. Let's see.
1) They didn't beat you.
2) They supported you.
3) You weren't close and they felt distant.
I have to admit, I think you are going to be okay. You need to go talk with a counselor and discuss these things. Your parents just may not have been very loving like the TV Shows of the 1950's like June Cleaver. It's okay. Not everyone has a hug and a kiss for a kid. There is still time to try to fix this closeness. How about going for a visit next weekend? Bring a photo album and talk about when you were a kid. You may find that they were just being your parents. Parents should not be your best friend anyway. Get on some anti-depressant and good luck. You can choose to remember the bad or the good or both in life. It's up to you to determine your level of happiness.

Answer 4

It has as much effect as you let it have. Your life is your own. Make it whatever you want.

How can a person effectively move past the injuries of a bad childhood? Look at your current behavior and modify what you can change rather than simply venting your anger or allowing yourself to ever be victimized again.
Bad Childhood---Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood

Answer 5

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My answer? No, you were not wrong to move. You are not responsible to your child in this manner, and should be able to expect to live your own lives as well. Take care of your wife and enjoy the time that you have together. As for the grandchildren, you don't mention how old they are, or why you don't have great contact with them. If they are little, send little card "think of you" or whatnot every once in a while. If they are older start calling specifically for them, but remember, children will be children and don't be too hurt just because they are in the middle of a xbox game and find it hard to tear away. When they get old enough and you are able to put a little money away see if you can fly them out for a week or so in the summer. Talk directly to them to keep in contact, send things by regular post. A little "miss you" note with stickers are always welcome to little guys. A message with just a what's up to the older ones. In my step family we have some "mood disorders" as well. Yes, it can be discouraging to have someone angry all the time, but rest assured that you are no longer responsible for your daughter's moods. (Some of my step family was helped by different types of medication.) Your daughter has reached her majority and is now responsible for her own moods and well being. That she is seeing a professional is good and indicates that she is, indeed, making a step for herself. Don't feel guilty! Spend time with your wife and just let your daughter's triads roll over you. Instead of answering to her, just keep the conversations polite and ask how things are going and about her specific interests to try and throw the conversation onto safer ground.

Answer 6

Your Family is the core of how we relate to society
essentially al men we meet and attemp to relate to are our fathers
Women are our mothers
There's no exception
if your parents died even before your birth
it is essential to find a place where you are whole and complete and have expressed
everything to them that you hold inside
regret, admiration: abandonment: all these emotions manifest in our lives
If you are an orphan
and have no photo's of your birth parent
find someone you trust as a parent and ask them to just listen
without forming any opinions or judgements about your character
just listen while you express your undelivered communication to your parent
once they have fully gotten you
be sure they tell you that so you will experience being completely in communication
it may take several people or attempts
the end result is that you exerience the fullfilment of having completed with your parent

Answer 7

i had a horrible childhood. i was phically and emotionally abused by my mothers (who had me at 18, and my father left) boyfriends and such. ive made grown up choices and cared for myself since i was 5. i was not close to my mom or family at all. she worked alot, and if not doing that sleeping around. now i am a full grown adult and have never let this bother me, yes there are things i wish i could change, and wish i could have had a better childhood. i have no problems or anything. you have to live for the future and not use the past as a crutch.
you have to motivate yourself and live life for what you have, because we only have a short time. dont ever let anything stop you from doing what you want to do.

Answer 8

Lots. If you were in an abusive relationship-lots