I had a friend of sorts for three years who changed right away after afew years. She was my best friend with a heart who I could share my secrets with. We were both studious in English and had a same goal. We allways enjoyed reading the same books and doing same sports together. But after awhile she became a far cry from what she was within afew months by a foe.
While her mom thought it was my fault I was in the dark knowing about nothing, so her mom forced us to break up and I was in hot water for some months. But after a while I could undrestand how to iron out the problem, got her out of my head, saying farewells forgood.
2007-07-08 10:10:02 · 6 answers · asked by Linkin Tooka 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Languages
I had a friend of sorts for three years who changed right away after afew years.
A friend of sorts: means she was not exactly your friend, but something like a friend--I don't think that's what you want to say (since in the next sentence she's your best friend).
Right away means immediately, so "right away after a few years" is confusing. Maybe you mean "all of a sudden"--without warning? Or maybe you mean she changed "right around"--a total change?
She was my best friend with a heart who I could share my secrets with.
It sounds like you're sharing secrets with her heart--we don't say that in English. She could have a "heart of gold" if you like, meaning she's exceptionally kind and generous.
We were both studious in English and had a same goal.
had THE same goal
We allways enjoyed reading the same books and doing same sports together.
again, doing THE same sports (or just doing sports together, if you're talking mostly about being together)
But after awhile she became a far cry from what she was within afew months by a foe.
A far cry--good idiom!
I don't know what you mean by "by a foe". A "foe" is an enemy.
While her mom thought it was my fault I was in the dark knowing about nothing, so her mom forced us to break up and I was in hot water for some months.
"In the dark" means "knowing about nothing" so I wouldn't use both of those--maybe "I was in the dark about what had happened"?
"Break up" is normally only for a romantic relationship, I'm not sure if that's what you're talking about here.
"I was in hot water" means you were in trouble, if that's what you meant, I don't understand WHY you were in trouble.
But after a while I could undrestand how to iron out the problem, got her out of my head, saying farewells forgood.
Good!
That's great, hope I've helped.
2007-07-08 10:52:20 · answer #1 · answered by Goddess of Grammar 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These would be the changes I would make...
I had a friend for three years who changed after a few years. She was my best friend with a heart which I could share my secrets with. We were both studious in English and had the same goals. We always enjoyed reading the same books and doing the same sports together. But in a few months she became a far cry from what she was.
While her mom thought it was my fault, I was in the dark about it all. Her mom forced us to break apart and I was in hot water for some months. But after a while I could understand how to iron out the problem and I got her out of my head, finally saying farewell.
2007-07-08 10:59:42 · answer #2 · answered by Who do you think? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grammar often incorrect, and usage very strange. In particular, using so MANY (not much) "beautiful idioms" in a single paragraph looks like self-mockery, if it's assumed the writer knows the language. Otherwise, it makes you look like a foreigner, which you are, and most people will find it sort of funny. Which is NOT what you want in this context!
So since you ask, here is, first, a corrected version of both paragraphs, with commentary in [brackets], and then a demetaphorized version of the 2nd paragraph.
For three years I seemed to have a friend, but she suddenly changed. She had been my best friend and I believed I could share the secrets of my heart with her. [I have no idea WHY you have to talk about your heart, not hers, but I can't figure out any way to use your structure without making the result decidedly unEnglish.] We were both serious students of English and shared a single goal. [It's very odd not to say WHAT that goal is, so I'd suggest just dumping the second half of the sentence. If you mean you both wanted to learn good English, no, that's NOT implied.] We always enjoyed reading the same books and playing the same sports together. But within a few months an enemy of mine [or "of ours"] changed her and she became very different. [You can't use "a far cry from what she was" about a friendship, although you could about a political change. I have absolutely no idea why not! And "foe" is just about obsolete except in headlines, where it survives because it's so short. Even "enemy" is melodramatic. "Another man" or "a spiteful woman" suggest themselves, but you don't provide enough info for me to be sure of a more appropriate wording.]
I was in the dark, knowing nothing about the situation. Her mother thought it was my fault, and I was in hot water with her, so she forced her daughter to break up with me. [If you're in hot water, someone is angry with you, or you fear punishment. I don't know what you thought the idiom meant, but there's no way you can logically use it at the point where you did in your original paragraph. Also, there's no way your friend's mother could force YOU to break up with her daughter, short of violence.] For some months, I was in pain. But after a while I understood how to iron out the problem, got her out of my head and said goodbye to her for good.
More English version of 2nd 'graf with only one or two idioms left:
I was in the dark about the situation. Her mother thought it was my fault, and she forced her daughter to break up with me. That was painful for several months, but I finally got her out of my head. OR I finally said goodbye to her for good. [Not both.]
2007-07-08 10:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by georgetslc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ahm... i like your experience but some of the "words" were misspelled and there are some "words" that should have space in between them... just for example the " afew" it should be "a few", "allways" "always" and "awhile" "a while", "undrestand" "understand"... and don't you mean playing the same sports? and what you mean about the far cry from what she was within a few months by a foe? i just dont get it... you mean you are confused for months and then you just figured out how to solve the problem? so she's your girlfriend for 3 years? that's what I've seen so far..
2007-07-08 10:39:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
so what's the question? Lost me dude
2007-07-08 10:14:22 · answer #5 · answered by cloud 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it!
2007-07-08 10:13:58 · answer #6 · answered by Lola is a [: YuMmY :] ninja fool 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋