child with his ex, should i worry about this?

Question

H,
I have been seeing a lad that works away quite a bit, he comes to see me when he is not working or on his way back home/work, dependant on what hes doing. I recently found out that he has a little baby boy at home (1 yr old) He didn't exactly tell me this but i saw a pic on his phone, and of course he had to explain.. I dont know how i feel about this or what to do. i've been told by various ppl that i should forget him as he'll always have his ex, and his little boy in his life and i'll never compete. also with his job they say i'll never be able to trust him.

However, i also look at it like, if we like each other should i call it off just because of his past. He might be the best thing that will happen to me and i'll be stupid to throw it away?!

Any help appreciated as i dont know what to do! i don't want to lead him on and i dont want anyone to get hurt.

Thanks in advance.
Honey :o)

To be fair, it was the 2nd time we met that he told me about his child.

Answer 1

The reason y he probably didn't tell you was because he didn't know how or was waiting for the right time. I don't see what's wrong with giving it a shot. I mean first off he's being a man by being in the child's life unlike a lot of other jerks that are out there who just pack there **** and leave. Now if you see that it's causing problems that you can't fix, then u know u have to let him go. Plus just because his ex is going to be in his life doesn't mean she doesn't know how to move on. Now a days there are a lot of single moms out there who are getting along with both the father of their child and his significant other. If u feel that it's becoming a competition then don't waiste your time. After all that you can at least say you tried and you didn't miss out if he was the one.

Answer 2

I think you are over reacting it was only your second date and honestly if you are not his perfect match he should not expose his child to you because children get attached. then if you guys break up the child suffers. So stop rushing stuff just go with the flow. And never make him put you in front of his child.

When I started dating my husband he knew I had two kids and he knew I would only see him when they were with my ex every other week end because I had to make sure he was worth meeting my kids and of course he was but it took exactly 7 months before we all went to a movie and dinner.

Now we are a family and we have a baby who is two months together and are already planning our last one to come some time in the next two years. So let him do this on his own pace and it may be the best thing but if it is not then the child won't be hurt if you are no longer around.

Answer 3

I don't see there is a problem. I was a single parent for years before meeting my now husband. I didn't automatically discuss the fact I had children but if asked, I was honest. I suppose I thought that these things would be discussed in time if there was anything going to be more than just one or two dates. I didn't introduce people to my child until I was 100% sure of them either so my little lad didn't get confused or anything. I think good parents are naturally more cautious when dating because they have more to lose. It doesn't seem to me to be a big deal but you will have to accept you are taking on a 'package' not just a guy. I think that you really have to know what you are letting yourself in for before going down that route. If you were to be long-term then you will meet his child and an attachment could be formed and if you aren't in this for good, then its the child who ultimately gets confused and hurt. If you want uncomplicated and easy - try a guy with no kids!

Answer 4

Well, you seem to reason properly. It's not because someone has had a child or children with an ex partner that they are bad news.
What you want to make sure of is that it is an ex, not a current partner.
And yes, it's true, one way or the other, the child or mother and child will always be a part of his life.
Now, would you like it to be any different, a guy who doesn't give a second thought to his own flesh and blood?
If he is in speaking terms with his ex, that's for the best; I don't mean that he sleeps at her place and gets his morning coffee or dinner there, but getting on well with an ex partner, is a sign or maturity. Not many of us can say we do.
So, if you like him, and he likes you, just take it as any other relationship. One step at a time.
Good luck hun.xxx

Answer 5

hmm anti men peoples above me.... *sigh*
Well.. for starters most people don't have kids don't want to date someone with kids.. so i guess that depends upon how long you have been seeing this " lad ". Depending on the age however, later, guessing you guys are around 20-27ish? Nothing wrong with a person having a kid. It's what people do. The question is how is his relationship with his kid & with his ex? Also What Job does he have that you might not want to trust him? Any person you make eye contact with could be the person of your dreams. You can't fill pleasure if you don't know pain. So pretty much give it a shot. No one wants to get hurt but it's a 50/50 chance it will happen if you do or you don't.

Answer 6

My first wife died in 1996 my children were 4 and 6 years of age. I became a solo father after a while I wanted to meet women I was never sure what to say. I think the lad you are talking about is the same. My question to you is this guy important to you? If he is then You have to accept the child that comes with him. If he is not important then tell him............ You may feel bad but the worst thing you can do is not be honest!!

Answer 7

to be fair, it was only the second time you met that he told you about his child - if he worried that may scare you away, then im sure thats the reason he didnt mention it. Sure, it would have been nice and better, but my thinking is that he didnt want to scare you. Besides, the kid's picture is on his phone, so obviously he wasnt trying too hard. There will always be exes - geez, don't i know it - no matter who you date, child or not. What matter is the relationship he has with his ex. Just cause he lives far doesnt mean it can't work nor that you can't trust him. If he gives you reason to distrust him, then okay. forget it.

Answer 8

Honey i'd hate to say it but you may want to let this one go, you just don't forget that you have a 1 yr old son out in the world, and in todays relationships you have to be honest with each other, not just when you get caught but all the time!!!

Answer 9

Let him go. My best friend dated this guy she met in college for seven years. He didn't tell her he had been married before. Until she found his divorce papers. He did tell her he had a kid because he had partial custody. Well, she was like you.. didn't exactly feel comfortable with the situation... but put up with it because she loved him. In the end, they never did get married because she could never accept being lied to and she hated his son.

Fortunately, you have not known this guy for long and your relationship doesn't have to revolve around weekend visitations, dealing with his ex and such. Unless you want to wait around like my friend did.

BTW, as soon as she dumped him she found a nice guy and married him.

Don't waste your time on this guy. No matter how nice he is. If you want kids in your future. Make your own with someone who doesn't have any.

Answer 10

Its pretty substantial for him to have a child and not to mention it. Makes me kind of wonder what else he has brewing at home. Maybe you should ask him if he has a wife or perhaps a girlfriend at home.
I could be over reacting, but I have 2 children and they are usually the 1st and 2nd thing I mention in a relationship.