is sex meant to always come naturally?

Question

I love someone, but we have been having a difficult time physically because we are both insecure about making the first move. He told me that he always thought that sex was something that is supposed to come naturally. What do you think? Should it always come naturally or is it okay if work is involved in the beginning? Does this mean that we don't have chemistry or is it just because we are shy?

Answer 1

Oh, honey, good sex, like nearly every other thing in life, takes time and communication. Everybody has different hot buttons and different problem spots. You have to get to know each others' bodies. As long as neither of you is finding the others' body unattractive, you should do fine with a bit of practice and clear communication.

Don't be afraid to get help with this. You can find books to help you understand your bodies and sexual response at the bookstore or library, and there are also some very good factual sites online.

If you're both shy and inexperienced, it takes longer for to really work out the kinks, as it were. Myths about first time fireworks only make it more difficult. While sex is a natural function of our bodies, it's not the most intuitive thing in the world.

So take your time, get to know what you enjoy, and don't worry too much about what you 'should' do or how something is 'supposed' to feel. Don't put so much pressure on yourselves, and be prepared to laugh about it when things don't go as planned.

A good sense of humor can be just as healthy for your sex life as education and patience.

Answer 2

Honestly, sex shouldn't be an issue.

Really, if the notion of sex is awkward between the two, then that simply means that you're not ready. It doesn't necessarily mean that there is no chemistry, or that your relationship is a farce.

By putting sex as part of the equation in a relationship, then the relationship becomes formulaic (e.g., boy gets girl, girl gets boy, go on date, hold hands, first kiss, sex). NO!

Get to know each other more. Sometimes, true intimacy occurs intellectually and emotionally. You can work on those areas and really be into each other that nothing else matters--including if you have sex or not.

Think about it, and all the best in your relationship!

Answer 3

Well if it is the first time for eitheir one of you which i don't think. It definitely would be uncomfortable. But how long has your relationship with him been going? If it is a short time then that should be expected. Have you really talked about sex with him and what you like and don't like? It probaly will take some work to do it the first time with him because it sounds as if you are shy. You definitely have chemistry though, because you've talked about it a little and are concerned about it. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we finally had sex with eachother and i losst my virginity. We knew eachother so well that it came naturally for us. But we still actually did have to work the first time....the more you do it, the more naturally it will come, so expect work if your planning to do it anytime soon. =) have fun when u do though. lol. ;)

Answer 4

No it doesn't always come naturally, but it shouldn't be overly difficult. Something is missing. Usually in the beginning you are hungry for each other and can't get enough. Perhaps you don't have that spark.

Answer 5

It IS supposed to come naturally.

Unfortunately, society has hard-wired it into most people that sex is bad an evil. Even if you aren't actively thinking, it's somewhere in your mind, and it makes you feel awkward and maybe ashamed.

The best way to beat it is just keep trying.

Answer 6

Most probably a Force of Nature.

Answer 7

i think that you both are just nervous about it.. your both probably scared that you are not going to do right thing or you dont know what to do... that happens... when you are nervous.. sometimes that prevents you from really enjoying sex or for letting it come naturally... you both need to talk about things try to be open with one another.... and jusr do what come natural..do what you feel... show each other how you feel..

Answer 8

I have the same problem, n thought the same way.. Now we give hints, wheather they be suttle like him rubbin my breast n leanin over for a kiss, or movin closer lightly rubbin his thigh movin my hand upwards to rub his member... or extreme like sitting ontop of him n start grinding or him takin his hand n...well u get the idea... make a move

Answer 9

Hey it sounds like you have NO CHEMISTRY your not attracted to him nor he to you but you may be good friends. just stick to going to the movies..."hint" when all you can think about is ripping his close off and jumping his bones then that's chemistry because you won't be thinking about should you do it you will be thinking about where can you go to do it right now this instant...lolol...

Answer 10

yes sex is suppose to come naturally even to the shy-the way to honor is in true friendship that leads to Marriage. Relationship with another is a gift from God, if you truely love someone you commit to them. Marriage is to put it into writing telling the whole world that you are legally together in honor-lots of guys will say they love someone and live in with them yet as someone said to me =

Best Answer - Chosen By Voters

I agree with "Makemeaspark" about guys that say they love and commit but wont marry, "The heart is decietful." Jeremiah, but it is not just the hurting ones that fall for believing a guy when he says he loves you, and lets be together. Sometimes you believe because you believe (in innocence) that truth and lies are obvious. And in your arrogance (or youth) you think you can tell the difference. You trust and are deceived, and there are those who are loyal even after the deception is revealed, out of duty, out of fear, out of a misguided loyalty...wow it still hurts. Sometimes they stay because they feel stupid and worthless and have no where else to turn. They feel like they deserve the punishment of being unloved, because they were untrue to their own moral compass, and unfaithfull to God. So they stay untill they are discarded. 3 Votes 43%

this helped me as raised a Jew to see the deaper truths to believe too=Christian means a follower of the Messiah-who came as a Jew- the believer in Jesus-has power over the mind to control their thoughts, thus when Jesus says to forgive and let Me handle it, or about lust is adultry against God, or hate is murder in the heart, we have the calling to cast down all imaginations that exault themselves against God which brings true peace and joy to our heart in all situations (Philippians 4:4-20).
My Jewish people believe in the comming of a Messiah, and his fulfillment is in Jesus. The laws of Judaism were given specifically to the Jewish people to be kept and to guide them to the promised Messiah.
Isaiah 9:6 the child to be the Son given, the mighty God and the prince of peace..
Isaiah 52:13-53:12 To be the exalted one. To first be marred more than any man, and to lay down his life to make atonement for our sins.

The way I came to know him is by believing what he spoke to us from heaven (Revelation1:1 chapter 1 verse 1 & 3:19&20 "I love you and ask you to repent of your sins (even one lie) quickly. Behold I stand at your heart door and knock If you hear my word and open the door, I will come in and be your friend."
so I prayed "Jesus I am sorry for my sins, come into my heart and help me, be my friend, amen."
Its all good and now as a Jew who has come to know Jesus is my Messiah, savior, and best friend giving me joy beyond words and power to live right. And someone said this for me telling them this too
Praying the best for you in every way naturally, David