Affair with a younger man-2 part question?

Question

Help! I am having an affair with someone 12 years younger than me. I am unhappily married, he lives with his girlfriend. Before we had sex we both agreed that the relationship would be just sex and that we would continue to be friends. Now I am wondering if I am having feelings for him. I work with him so I see him every day. A coworker has been flirting with him which causes me to be jealous. We talk on IM when we can, but I catch myself checking all the time to see if he is on. I am always checking my phone to see if he has called or sent text. Do you think I am starting to have feelings for this guy or is it just the excitement?

Now, next question. Am I being used for sex. He always worries about me, if i'm ok & happy. But everything we do is on his schedule even though I am the one married. He has to be the one to contact me and when we do have sex he usually leaves within an hour after, but we spend that hour cuddling and talking. Help I am so confused!

Do you think that when he shows concern like getting mad when my husband treats me bad or trying to cheer me up when I am down is all just a game?

Answer 1

You are good enough for sex and it is a fair trade--a little round for a little flat. However, you should not expect more or he will stop giving you sex.

Answer 2

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Affair with a younger man-2 part question?
Help! I am having an affair with someone 12 years younger than me. I am unhappily married, he lives with his girlfriend. Before we had sex we both agreed that the relationship would be just sex and that we would continue to be friends. Now I am wondering if I am having feelings for him. I work...

Answer 3

Please don't confuse yourself, you know exactly what is happening! 1st sex is something very personal & if you allow another person into that space, you giving away a part of yourself to this person & maybe that's why you are now confused on whether you falling for him or not. My answer to that is YES! One thing that woman needs to understand, we can have a no strings attached type of relationship. we get attached so easily.
Second, you should really be ashamed of yourself for going behind your partner's back & doing something so foolish, if you are not happy, why stay & hurt the next person? You need to come clean with your husband. He probarbly has no clue that you are unhappy, come clean with him & see if you can work things out or leave him alone. When a relationship goes bad, you work on it & find a solution to those things that make you unhappy, you don't go a have sex with someone 12 yrs younger than you expect things to be normal after that, especially if you made such a huge commitment to this person like marriage! Ask yourself if you want your kids to grow up with such principles? How must they look at you after this is out in the open(if u do have kids)?

Third, there is nothing more painful than getting used sexually outside of your marriage. He is not interested in making you happy, all he wants is his,especially now that he flirts with colleagues in fron of you! He obviously doesn't respect you or your feeling, but who can blame him?

My advise is to leave this boy & concentrate on making things right with the person you married. Or leave & find out what is it that makes you happy before you jump into bed with someone else, you'll be surprised how much you can accomplish! GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

No, it's not all just a game. He's got it good and he knows it.
But you - you have just about the worst situation you can have. It will eventually get around the office when he is screwing someone else and that will hurt you terribly but you won't be able to do or say a single thing about it since it will reveal your own sluttish behavior. So you'll just have to choke on your own bile. That won't be comfortable, neither will your having to quit because he'll refuse to give up his job in the office.
He lives with his girlfriend and so far hasn't been confiding in you what mind-blowing sex he has with her and that is what keeps him living with her instead of moving out and being on his own and more available. When she gets pregnant, he'll be protective of his little sweetie and you'll be simply eaten up with jealousy of their little family unit.
Feelings for this guy? I don't know - you're so screwed over by what you are doing that you've only got bad times ahead. He cuddles with you after he screws you and that makes you feel this is worth 'feelings'?
Get some morals, talk to the man you're married to, pull your marriage together and while you're pulling out of this sex service you've got going with this guy (you are nervous about his flirting with a coworker because you know how cheap those services are and how easily you will be replaced), ask yourself what you did to your own self-esteem that made you such a cheap partner for sex.

Answer 5

Sounds like you are both using one another for sex, but while its JUST sex for him, your feelings are getting involved. It is absolutely near impossible for a female to have sex with a guy and not end up caring for him, no matter what the situation. And he has the upper hand in this, which I wouldn't like at all. I think you should stop seeing him and see if you can work on making your marriage better. If not maybe you should get a divorce and be single and available to date. It could just be that the sex is so good, it has your feelings confused. I hope you find the answers.

Answer 6

We all know that women and men see things and react to things differently. Maybe he is having the same feelings for you. As to your question, Yes, it sounds like you are starting to develop feelings for him. Women do usually become attached to a sexual partner, even if they mean to or not. Women release a chemical when they have sex that causes feelings of attachment to occur. Maybe that is all it is. Try not having sex with him for a week or so and see how you feel about him at the end. If you are working around his schedule, that means that he isnt making the time to be with you. I would say that more than likely, he does not have strong feelings for you. My advice is to leave him alone, work on your marriage or both. Maybe you should get divorced and then date. Just my two cents

Answer 7

is he worth leaving your husband over, unhappy married and all? Ya, he's 12yrs younger and he make you feel alive, but why would you take such a chance?

Second part of question, yes he's a man, "like me" why by the cow, when the milk is free. He's is using you for the sex, that's all, when he can't get it from somewhere else, I'm sorry to say, he can get it from you, on his schedule...

Answer 8

YikeS! looks like the just sex casual affair is casual for him but not so for you. He is not using you for sex if you both discussed and said you wanted a sex only relationship before embarking. Seems as if you want to change the terms be prepared he probably is not looking for more. Yes you have fallen for him and have the feelings you said you would not. His actions are (cuddles etc/1hr thing) are just his "investment" to keep the sex affair going.

Answer 9

I pray for you and you need too also! You took a vow and need to straighten the F@#$%& up and put more into your marrige instead of that boy, get counseling, love your husband or leave him it is not diffuclt! what you r doing is not right!!, Everything that a person does in the dark will always come to the light!! Do you have morals!!

Answer 10

Yes

Answer 11

are you concerned about the sex or!
the friendship?
either 1 wants to upset the others relationship(s).
being used!
it can go either way!
you are developing feelings for him!
and! he for you!
when you have an affair!
both sides tend to look out for ea. other!
depending on how both of you look at it!
it can be a game!
who gets caught 1st. with their pants down!