What do you think I should do ?

Question

My father is very religious and I live in a Greek Catholic (same as Roman except priests can marry) family. We came to the United States from Ukraine. My father found this Ukrainian church in manhattan and he wants me to go with him every sunday. He dresses very formal the way he did back in Ukraine. He wants me to dress formal too, but it's just not me. I just end up looking like a big dork and he ends up going to church by himself with a heavy heart. The thing is, I've lost all my faith for God. I don't want to go to church but then again I don't want to break my father's heart every sunday. I'm afraid if I tell him the truth, he will not accept me as a son. What should I do?
Also, one day I expect to have a family of my own, will it affect my children in any way if I raise them without religion ?
Thank You to all who will answer this =/

Answer 1

Be honest with him...if he truly loves you maybe you both can work something out.

Answer 2

If your family was a little more Americanized I would give vastly different advice than I am going to give now. Your father is from the "old country," so that changes things.

I am assuming that his family is every bit as important to your father as his faith is. That's evident by your style of writing. You mention that your father goes to church with a heavy heart, because you do not attend. You are torn, and as an atheist my first inclination would be to tell you to stay home. But not in this instance.

For the time being, I would swallow my pride and go to church with my father, dressed in traditional garb and all. If your attendance means this much to him, then this is a small price to pay to make happy the man who raised you.

I don't know your age, but in time it will become easier to move away from the church and into your own beliefs, without upsetting your father. Start by missing one Sunday a month, then two. Work your way up to the point where your father will accept this more easily. But remember, he has been raised in a different culture with different values. There will always be some level of disappointment for him.

For the last part of your question, it won't harm your children to be raised without religion. Mine are atheists and they are just fine. However, I wouldn't tell your father this. He'll figure it out on his own. You are in a difficult position and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Hi there

I understand your situation. Though I'm a Hindu but I empathize with your father's feelings as it is the same case for my parents as well. The main question you need to ask yourself, have you decided to finally become an atheist. Think of the pros and cons - I was atheist for quite some time and finally realized, life is too uncertain to lead it WITHOUT any beliefs at all. Be whatever your religion, it doesn't hurt to have faith in God as it guides you into the right path, especially when things seem so uncertain and hopeless. You may not be responsible toward others as of now but only yourself, so you can have the luxury of atheism. I say, live it off full.

While I don't support ritualism as it is a personal waste of time, it doesn't hurt to visit church sometimes with your father after all, if you attach any importance to him. Yes, you can clearly tell him you don't want to be seen as that much of an orthodox as he is and he should mind his space around you.

We all need discipline and one-pointedness in life. Like it or not, very few people are able to achieve it without some kind of belief in a "superior" being. In moments of crisis, it's God's force that pulls you up.

I'm a born-again God-fearing man and proud that way. It's also a stupid idea to act atheist before your friends, just in order to appear modern or to "fit in with the crowd". Being religious will teach you to respect yourself and your country's culture.

I am sure the US is a great melting pot and Ukrainians have a cultural mindset that derives strong values from religious beliefs. If you wish your country's culture to survive into the next generation, you could lend a supporting ear to your dad's pleas.

Sincerely

Answer 4

Your number one Father is God! Your Daddy is number 2. Why have you lost your faith? I know God is real. I have experience a min. of three life saving miracles, that science could never explain.
If it is just all the clothes and hats that your daddy and church are using; point out that in multiple places the Bible says "Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head." Like in 1 Corinthians chapter 11. It also states that we should be dressed plainly, while at Church.
Do you ever read the Bible? To see what it says. If God was not God and did not create ALL, tell me where the first atom came from, that split in to two, that split in to four,... to create all there is today everywhere?

Answer 5

There is no point just belonging to a religion if you don't believe it or enjoy it. If you are under 18 you don't really have a choice but once you hit 18 you can decide what you want to believe in and if that means becoming an athiest or agnostic then so be it.

Sure your family might disown you but that will only reinforce how much religion comes between families! It won't effect your children not going to church as long as you give them a postive up bringing

Answer 6

About the children- I don't think that it would effect your children if they weren't religious. I'm not either and I have pretty normal life.
About your father-try to find a common way that would work for both. Be honest, have a conversation with him and tell him how you feel. If you could go in church in casual clothes, would you go then? Maybe you could go once in a while with him, not every sunday, so both sides are satisfied?
Just talk, it's amazing how things can get better this way.
Good luck!

Answer 7

Well you can't be forced into loving or having faith God. You have to make that decision for yourself. Try talking to your dad in a suttle way first don't just tell him. Maybe if you want to compromise you can go with him once out of the month. My father was like that but now that he has given me a choice he isn't so quick to jump on me about it. I haven't been to church in like 2 yrs on my own accord. I know it would please my father if I came. But you shouldn't do things to make other people feel comfortable unless you really want to and you feel comfortable too. I know it will hurt if you tell your father you have no faith but the decision can only be one of two things. Your going to compromise and go to church or your going to not go at all and hope it doesn't put a strain on your relationship with your father. Only you can make a decision you are willing to live with.

Answer 8

Basically tell him this. If you go to church its for him, not your faith. He should be able to understand that you love him but not the church. It will be very very tough, but it is the more mature thing to do to keep your best interests in your sights.

Church is good for a child growing up, because it creates a social outlet and it can plant good morals in your kids. Give them the opportunity to go to church, but at a certain age (you don't tell them of course), let them make the decision to do it or not.

I was raised that way, but I chose not to go to church. I think i'm doing alright. But if they find faith in the church, then they will find something that makes them happy.

Just give them the opportunity. They'll either end up like you (as a good role model hopefully) or they'll stay in church like your father (just mixing in religion and your bloodline)

Answer 9

that is a very difficult situation. I am not sure how old you are, but I am guessing you are a young adult. I have an 18 year old son. He is turning his back on the faith I have raised him in. He came to church with me today for the first time in many weeks.
You dad needs to understand your need to find your way to your faith in God again - and to be relevant where you live right now. It is not like you are turning your back on your heritage, but trying to find new meaning in your new country.

Answer 10

Well, how old are you? Are you still under the age of 18? If so, I would attend church with your father *if* he demands it.

But, if you're over the age of 18, it's time for Dad to realize you have your own mind and can come to your own conclusion as to which God to choose.

Raising children "without religion" is fairly impossible. (The missionaries see to that.) What I suggest, is to allow your child to make their own decision on this issue. That's what I do. I'm agnostic and I have four children. Two of them are Christian, one is atheist and the other is simply too young to decide.

Answer 11

I am a father. I am an atheist. I am married to a catholic.
I do not expect my children to think the same as I do. I realise that to become adults in their own right, they will on occasion rebel against me. I don't love them any less when they disagree or argue with me. They are often right. I am often wrong. You may find your father is proud of you for thinking for yourself.