How is this fair?

Question

My ex treated me quite badly, he made me feel like I was nothing, bullied me, put me down, told me what to think, feel and say, didn't like me spending time with other people when he was around, made fun of me, invalidated my feelings etc.

He made me feel I was crazy, and I went to counselling. At one session I broke down and the counsellor sent me to the docs. When I called the b/f he said it was a nightmare being with me, that it was all in my own head and I only had myself to blame. I dumped him, but then begged him back for a week to no avail.

A week later I sent him an e-mail telling him what I thought of him, and he got furious. I've since apologised but he's told me not to contact him for a cpl of weeks so he can get over me. That was nearly 4 weeks ago, and he's still not got in contact.

We have lots of mutual friends, they're all at his today at a party, and I feel so dejected and alone. How is this fair? He was the one who treated me badly and I'm the outcast.

Answer 1

I have a neighbour who is a complete ba****d to women. He treats them like dirt, humiliates them and destroys all confidence. Would you like me to get his number for you. Come on girl get a backbone, and new friends.

Answer 2

It's not fair, but there's very little in life that's not fair. That's the simple answer, but there is something you can do about it.

There had to be something about this guy that you really liked in order to put up with all that bull and to beg for him back. If you put yourself in his shoes, perhaps your personality was a bit difficult for him to deal with. That doesn't mean that either of you are bad people, it just means you were a bad match with him and that if you were with someone else more appropriate that person would adore your personality. Take that to heart and leave the romantic relationship behind you. Appreciate him for his good qualities and learn to get along with him. You don't need to be best buddies or anything, but if you put the romantic relationship behind you and you can get along with him you can enjoy all of your mutual friends and group gatherings. There's no reason for you to feel like an outcast, so just get along with the guy, regardless of how he treated you in the past.

Answer 3

The point you are missing is that they are 'mutual' friends, this means that they probably feel as though they cant take sides in your argument .. you would probably have been most welcome there (although the atmosphere could have been a bit sticky) but you chose to stay away for your own benefit so you didnt see him.

If you want those friends back you need to talk to them ,explain how you feel and perhaps arrange to see them separately.

You also need to be honest as to whether these mutual friends were just that or whether they were 'his' before he met you, if this is the case then there will (as there should be) be a certain amount of loyalty to his 'side' after your split.

Answer 4

Its not fair. Life is not fair. What you need to do is remember what you have learnt from this. You are an individual. You are a human being who has feelings. Men can be truly dreadful. They are emotionally immature and even when they have the love of their lives in the palm of there hands they can be selfish. Men think about themselves and not about others. You must ask yourself does he deserve me and from what you say the answer is no.

How many of those people at that party know him because of you. Learn from this. Never ever let a man treat you like that again. Tell them at first sign and if they don't like it get out fast.

You deserve to be loved, listened to, cared for, valued and your opinions do count. don't let a man treat you that way ever again.

Answer 5

I think you're emotionally scared from this experience. You should of broke up with him and left it at that. He's still continuing to make you feel bad about yourself, and you're not even with him anymore! You have given him way too much power over yourself and you need to take that power back by making a conscious decision to get over him. Got out and meet new people. Perhaps joined a support group or call a helpline to discuss the situation further.

Stop thinking about him and never contact him again. Don't take his calls. You deserve better.

Answer 6

I sympathise with u i think we all go thru that sort of relationship at least once in our lifetime.Your first paragraph of your question says it all.But ur confidence has been taken from u, u need to step away from the situation and get to know urself again. Life moves on and as hard as it is u also have to move with it. It gets easier with time but u need to pick urself up and go down that new path thats waiting 4 u.Good luck hun.xxx

Answer 7

Apparently your friends are not being YOUR FRIENDS. They are not there in your time of need. Plus, I would move on. I was in a situation just like that. Even though you are not in a relationship anymore he is still badly affecting you. You have to let go and move on. Its not worth it. Find a great guy who will treat you nice! You deserve better!!!

Answer 8

I think you should just forget about him he is obviously not a very nice person. If you talk to your friends and tell them how you feel, you obviously can't ask them to stop being friends with him but you can at least find a way of coming to a neutral point when you fell that you can talk, so you can both spend time with your friends together.

Answer 9

This guy is a loser. Don't waste your precious time on him. By not answering you after so long shows you he's clearly not interested. He messed you up so much you're thinking its him you want. Its gonna be hard to get over him, but take it slowly and break contact with him. Surround youself with people you love, join a gym or something. Get your confidence back babe! lol

Answer 10

First off it doesn't matter if its fair or not you should not have apologized for anything he is the one who treated you like crap and you apologizing to him. He shouldn't be the one getting over you, you should be the one trying to get over his ***. You call them your mutual friends (NOT) if they haven't called to see how you were and they partying with him then they could care less about you so you need to get your own friends.