His daughter is 12 and he has only seen her once when she was about 6 months old. We are married and have 3 children. She has recently been in touch and he has had her for the past 10 weeks all weekend. The problem is she is nasty to me and our children and breaks their toys on purpose (my sons nitendo ds along with other things). She also calls my children BLACKIES this is very upsetting for our children. My children are 1/4 black and look more white than their dad. I am half black. My husband and told her off loads about this but it falls on deaf ears, he has even told her she wont be able to come anymore if she carries on. I have know had enough and dont want this child in my home anymore, why should my children suffer this abusive in thier home. I told my husband i dont mind him seeing her but from know on she does not come to our house and she is not to be around me and our children. He said he would rather cut off contact with her than see her on his own any comments?
2007-07-07 23:24:24 · 8 answers · asked by nicole w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To tjnstlouis I am not using his daughter to hurt him and neither is her mom. Her mom has her man and children and is happily married. My partner never had a relashionship with her mother it was just drunken sex 1 night. I think you have not understood the uestion. How can i except someone into my childrens home who is being racist to my children and upsetting them all weekend. They only get the weekend off school and should enjoy their time off not having some child who they dont know being creul and breaking their toys. I will not and do not have to have this behaviour in MY home.
2007-07-08 01:46:09 · update #1
My guess.. she's very jealous of your children.. as she should be. They get her dad all day every day. I would not tolerate her jealousy coming out towards your children though! He should have a relationship with her and so should you and your little ones (if that's what you want), but maybe it's too much too soon. Maybe cutting back on the time with her would be a good start instead of cutting her out all together. Good luck! =)
2007-07-07 23:46:18 · answer #1 · answered by missy_9019 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok I agree with you and I think that her behaviour is not right BUT I read something that I really think is the cause of all that problem!You wrote that her mom has her own family which means that this child has no family!I mean the girl feels that she doesn't belong anywhere!This is awful don't u think?You also wrote that her "parents" weren't married they just had 1 night sex so it is obviously that the girl has a reason for behaving that way!Of course she is jealous and so mean with your kids,but none of you undertands and see the real reason of her behaviour..you just care about your family,I'm not talkin to you personally I refer to all of you,and don't give a f@ck about this kid!If I were you I would tell your husband to talk with his daughter's mom so they can solve this problem and decide what is the best for the girl!The girl needs a family she needs a home...but unfortunately she doesn't have these things!I feel sorry for this kid...I don't know what to say...Stop being so selfish and help her,you can find many ways to help her,discuss it with your husband,how hard could it be?The girl needs some attention,is it so hard?I don't think so..
2007-07-08 02:41:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What exactly did you expect to have happen. This child was seen once when she was a baby and she is supposed to have a relationship with her father? She, like any 12yr old, was looking for her dad. This man is not her father, he can't love her, he doesn't know her and she is stuck being no one in a family that all love each other.
Have some compassion for this child. I have no idea what her mother was thinking letting her daughter be put into this situation, but you all need to start from square 1. Spend small periods of time, out for ice cream for instance, and gradually build a relationship. I understand you are mad at your husband but she's his child as much as the ones he had with you. What he is not is her father, that's emotional, not biological. You could do alot to help this child if you want to. You could be the adult and set the boundaries.
Frankly I think both you and her mother simply wanted to punish Dad for your imagined hurts and you are both using this girl as a weapon.
2007-07-08 01:24:42 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She the 12 year old she devil is not allowed in the home. Schedule which day the husband can see her... Discuss with the hubby that he is not to spend money on the B>>>unless you approve the expense. . He is to not take away from the 3 to spend on the one. The first time he failes to keep this agreement.. File for divorce.(never tell him this is what you will do)). .. The girls mommy has had her for the last 12 years and mom can contunue to raise the Brat. Without the husbands help or money. .. Put the foot down---period!!!
Option: doesn't see her any more. .. This would work best..
2007-07-08 00:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by Gerald 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He looks like a administration freak who's a dedication-phobe... He could continuously have an excuse. Set a date one greater time and if he does not stick to it, you will see how he truly feels. adult adult males who pick to marry the girl they are with will do it in any respect expenditures... My husband and me decrease our engagement short by ability of 9 months and purely eloped because of the fact he could no longer stand being faraway from me (we had to be married to stay jointly).
2016-10-01 03:18:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are right. your husband needs to think this through againl i think its great he wants to have a relationship with her but his family should be his first priority. i am raising my granddaughter who is 12 and know they can be very demanding and selfish but you must NOT permit destructive behaviour in your home. it could escalate to physical abuse to your kids. she sounds insecure and troubled but try to give her another chance . she didnt ask for what life has dealt her either . write down a list of acceptable rules for her to follow. her father must have her read and sign it. if she cant accept the rules of your family , then she may have to wait until she is more mature to see her father. hope this helps, it cant hurt to try again. one weekend a month might be more convenient for everyone.
2007-07-08 00:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by Donna 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is taking the right approach. She'll learn not everyone in this world is going to put up with her crap.
2007-07-08 00:38:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it's appropriate not to accept that child in your home for the sake of your kids.
2007-07-08 00:28:32 · answer #8 · answered by wind m 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋