What do you do when someone severely wrongs you?

Question

Lately, I've been thinking about some past times where people have severely wronged me. By severely wronged, I mean cheated on, cheated out of money, had expensive or valuable possessions stolen, etc. Where people I trusted betrayed me or where people have done evil things just to make me suffer for whatever reason. I want to know how you guys handle it. What do you do? what should I do? How do I make it less painful? I don't know if I will ever get over them.

Answer 1

I would get calm, peaceful and alert, then ask myself; What would happen if I just let these feelings go?

Some thoughts and feelings would probably come up, and then I would address them. I would try to treat them with kindness- experience them, accept them, but don't take them as the way you have to be. If the thought/feeling was "I can't let go of it, or somebody else will come along and do the same thing to me again!" then I would work on learning how to become a better judge of people, and learning how to protect myself- like assertiveness training.

If the thought was "How could they do this to ME?" I would first reassure myself that this kind of thing can happen to anybody. Just about everybody gets ripped off, cheated on, lied to or something awful at some point in their life. I would say "It doesn't mean I'm bad or stupid. It's not a personal thing- that other person was being a jackass. What matters is how I deal with my life now."

I would focus on now- how can I take care of myself now? What can I do to make my life better? Feeling better and more empowered now is what makes a difference in your life. That's the meaning of the saying- "The best revenge is a life well-lived."

If you're wanting revenge- "How can I let them get away with that?" ask on the deepest level- "How does holding on to these thoughts and feelings hurt the other person? Doesn't it really hurt me? How can I live my life fully now, and stop giving energy to that other person?"

You can even practice "dropping" the obsessive thoughts about what happened as they arise. I tried this with negative judgments of myself- every time I caught myself making one, I imagined putting the thought into a mason jar, holding it out and dropping it on the floor with a loud and pleasing crash. Strange, but after a while, it helped reduce the frequency of the thoughts, and I felt better. Psychologists say, make the images as vivid as possible for most effectiveness. You could imagine God or Karma taking awful revenge on the person, and you dusting off your hands, turning your back and walking away. Then drop it. Do this again every time you catch yourself having the thought.

If you still can let go and move on, seeing a good counselor could help. Good luck!

Answer 2

Trust. What a word. To many, it is the difference between an enemy and a good friend. But like everything else nowadays, the word is overused, misunderstood and abused to the point that it is almost worthless. Trust has become this random thing; sometimes you do, sometimes you don't, with no method to the madness.

By definition, trust means you are entrusting someone with a secret, a favor, a wish, a job, etc. Basically, you are giving up a little piece of yourself, a part of the control you have over your life, because when someone gets in that "circle of trust," they're also in a position to hurt you. They can expose you, or use that trust to rob, blackmail, con, or cheat. So why would you be naive enough to trust anyone to the point where their betrayal can cause some serious damage?

I like to use a system of trust. 0% being no trust, and 99% being my almost full trust. Though, I always sleep with one eye open even for the most trusted people in my life if you know what I mean. I've seen mothers turn on their own sons, so don't even think mom can be trusted 100%. The only person you can fully trust is numero uno, and that's you.

Given the way human nature is, people are usually selfish and greedy, so, more likely than not, someone you don't know will screw you, so you don't have a single reason in the world to entrust them with anything. Therefore, they get zero trust. With that said, never let someone new in your life, be a new girlfriend, a new friend in school or work, old friends who have come back, etc. gain absolute trust by you. Give these people tasks, tests to gain your trust.

I always liked the five dollar and then twenty dollar test. If a new aquaintance asks for a five, give it to him. If he pays you back, and asks for a twenty some other time, and pays you back, you know this new guy or girl can be trusted to pay back loans to you. You just got to weed out the goats from the lambs as it says it the Bible. Take time to build trust even with old friends, and you won't find yourself getting burned in the end.

Answer 3

Revenge is not the answer. It will make you feel worse in the long run. Maybe even in the short run.

Remember that they are acting out of their own feelings. What they have done to you, tells you more about them than about you.

Try to pray for them because they must be miserable to stoop to the level that they did. Truly powerful people are kind, generous and forgiving. I am certain that they have to live with themselves all of the time. They must be miserable because they treat many people the same way that they treated you. And many people do not like them.

You can thank God if you don't have to be around them anymore or all of the time. Find some good friends. Also, do something good for other people. This really works even when you feel the worst. But try to remember to do good deeds every day. Even if they are small deeds and then build up to larger good deeds.

It is hard to feel bad when you are doing something good for others. You'll see.

God Bless You, ;-)

Answer 4

You're looking at the negative side of life. You just have to get over it. Don't think about it. I wouldn't give the people the chance to hurt me again by trusting them.
My oldest daughter is a druggie, and so is her husband, and I can tell you, we've been stolen from, lied to and so on from them. They live near us for a while, and then move away, without letting us know. So then, we don't know where they are, or if their kids are safe.
So. What you do, is take life one day at a time, and try to find the good. It's the best way to do things. Find the good things. Let go of the bad.
Best wishes.

Answer 5

Okay, this is terrible, but I try to remember that what goes around comes around. For instance, whenever someone cuts me off in traffic, I think-
1) they are a really crappy driver
2) really crappy drivers tend to get into fatal accidents
3) fatal accidents tend to provide organs to save lives
4) therefore, by being a crappy driver, the person who cut me off is increasing the odds of me receiving an organ donation should I ever need one
5) there is a 9.4% chance that they have a blood type compatible with mine
6) yay!
Perhaps something similar?

Answer 6

Their ancestors would have killed my ancestors yet nevertheless I by no ability knew my ancestors so as that bond or relationship isn't their to experience all styles of hate for human beings immediately that have not accomplished something.yet I do dislike those those that did what they did back interior the day.yet those white human beings interior the previous do no longer signify the white human beings of immediately stunning,Peace.Oh and prefer your call says sane it would be insane for black human beings to hate white human beings then their would be much extra black human beings in detention center and that ain't cool.i think of we would have matured over the subject and are transforming into larger human beings yet i think of a few issues nevertheless would desire to be talked approximately and produce emotions out into the open from each and each race and what they experience with regard to the subject.Peace.

Answer 7

Consider them lessons learned in life and mistakes you won't make again because you are now wiser. Most Important...........FORGIVE............yes forgive them and yourself..................so you can move on. If you don't YOU are allowing them to wrong you once again by stealing your time thinking about it which will have adverse affects on your life. Look how much it's affected you already. Finally, I can promise you this from my own life......................what comes around goes around and people who do you wrong...WILL PAY FOR IT.........you may never know how.....but they do. I've learned to actually feel sorry for some of the people who have wronged me in the past. Anyway.take care and best wishes.

Answer 8

Yes, sometimes you don't get over them, but you learn from them. Revenge will not do you any good; will not make you feel any better. You have to be a better person than "they" are, and rise above their level. You really have to show them that what they did has not brought you down.

Answer 9

Realize it was a selfish, inconsiderate act on their part and not a malicious act against you.

I then will have nothing to do with them and will tell people who are involved or looking to get involved with them what they did should the opportunity arise.

That last bit is selfish and for my own self-gratification, but I hope it helps them realize they're a piece of Sh1t, and perhaps they'll change their ways. They usually either do so or leave town.

Answer 10

I don't know what to tell you man. I tortured myself for months after a spell with my childhood friend. Then I saw Spiderman 3. I don't know if you saw it, but Peter Parker and Harry do everything from stealing girlfriends to literrally trying to kill each other. I don't want to give away the movie, but Peter Parker apologizes to Harry, and Harry says, it doesn't matter, your my friend.

I don't think me and my childhood friend will ever talk again, but if I could talk to him, I'd say man, it doesn't matter, your my friend. And well it makes me feel better. And now I don't torture myself as much.