Parents I need your help?

Question

Ok so I like guys and I am a guy but i also dont feel right as a male and feel I should have born a female. Please help with advice on how I should tell them, how they might react. I just want an overall parent's point of view on this. I would like both negative and positive views on this. But please dont be rude. Thanks for the help. =]

Im also 17

Answer 1

If I were your parent, I would be devastated, but I would still love you. No parent wants that for their child. But, I would support you, although all parents are different. Don't get mad if they cry or get angry, they love you, but no parent imagines their child's life like that. Try to write down what you want to say, that always helps me to come up with good ideas. Good luck.

Answer 2

Not being rude, but you need to seek some guidance on this. Past experiences can make you feel this way. For example if kids made comments about the way you looked or acted you may be in a mindset to start believing it. Also if you have a friend that is gay they could be telling you to go with your feeling.

Its very hard for most parents to hear this about their children. If they are the type you can talk to let them know the way you feel. If not talk to an older respectable adult. Please do not just assume you are they way you are. Try to find a root cause. If by the age of 21 you still feel the same way after talking to others about it then go with the way you feel.

Answer 3

You know your parents very well, much better than us. You know how they would react if they hear the truth from you and what possible action they would take once the truth sinks in. By knowing all these, you will know what or how to tell them. Just be brave and hope everything will come out fine. It is your right to tell them about your true nature or feelings. In any case, how sure are you about what you are? Have you seen a professional or a psychologist to help diagnose your unnatural behavior or feelings? It would be advisable to see one, you know, to help you understand everything. For all you know, it might just be a phase in your life. Go and see a psychologist before you tell your parents and avoid any embarrassment on your part. Good luck!

Answer 4

I guess these were the problems you were talking about in your other question, huh? I am sorry because it must suck to feel the way you do. My parents have always said they will love my unconditionally, even if I am gay or whatever. Have your parents ever said anything like that? Plus what is there generally social and political views on homosexuals and alternative lifestyles? Generally speaking, you are going to have more success with your parents if they are democrats and liberal. You have to decide if you want to tell them. Some people just never tell their parents things like that. Its kinda like "dont ask, dont tell" and the parents obviously see signs but ignore it and deny it . It seems like a very superficial relationship, but it works for some.

If you think your parents will react badly to your news, I would suggest waiting a couple years to tell them. Honestly, you can use them for your education. Plus, a couple years will just give you time to get to know yourself better and prepare to tell them.

If you feel fairly certain they will accept you, then you just need to sit them down as start out by saying "I know you want me to be happy but I feel like I need to make some lifestyle changes to be happy. Your love means alot to me so I hope you will continue to support me and my decisions." Then just tell them the first sentence of your question here. Don't expect them to be happy at first. Its a lot to think about so give them space to process everything. But alot of parents actually suspect their children are gay before they even tell them. This may be the case with your parents.

Hope some of this helped. Good Luck. Remember, you can email me if you want.

Answer 5

I'm going to be blunt about this.
step 1) find a counselor. Not because your wrong about yourself, just for support.
step 2) set up a counseling session with one parent at a time. (mother first maybe). Then with both.
step 3) have your parent join a support group.
step 4) explain to them that you are the same person you have always bee.

They are your parents. They should love and support you no matter what.

Answer 6

first of all, why would you tell them? its really a personal choice. I think you might think they will freak. so the best thing to do is not tellthem, at least at your age. you have enough to live through right now, and enough changes without that added emotional stress. im not saying to hide it, yet, would you go to your parents to talk about your sexual activity or lack of it?? Seriously who cares if your arousal is heightened by men instead of women. If I was a guy I would enjoy being attracted to men too they certainly are the better of the two sexes. I also read that men like men for deeper reasons and its not about the sex as much as the gals think. best wishes.

Answer 7

My only concern would be the mental ordeal that your facing and will continue to face throughout your life. The most important issue i fear is your ability to put your needs and emotions into perspective, so that your identity and personality is who you are as a human being and person, not to be decided by your sexuality alone.

Your parents are not going to be able to help their feelings of dissapointment at the fact of the "abnormality" of what you and they are about to go through, also its hard to accept that all their dreams and aspirations for you that they have been unable to help over these years of bringing you up, are lost.
No possibility of marriage,children etc etc...

It will help you to help them through and appreciate the fact that this is hard on them too, you are the only one that knows your thoughts and feelings, the truths and you have to make them understand and be comfortable about it through complete honesty.

Know your thoughts,points,feelings etc, know exactly what you want etc, and confront your parents honestly and factually. Care about each individual and deal with them accordingly, as your parents know you as a person with strengths and weaknesses, get to know your parents as human beings with strenghths and weaknesses too, as people who arent that different to you, just older and more experienced. Have the confidence and believe that as long as your utterly honest with yourself, it will all come together and although it will be a long journey, im sure it will be ok.

Never be afraid to be honest and truthful.
No parent wants to be unsupportive or cruel, but they are human and it may take them awhile to confront their emotions, so they may be a little stand backish.

Anyway, hope i helped a little.

Good Luck and all the best!!!!

Answer 8

ok I'm 17 and have a little boy k well i know if he grew up and told me that he felt he should have been born a girl then i would support him if he told me because i love him and your parents and anyone who knows you will love you...they might freak a little because most parents do. But i cant see how any parent would not love their child because of something they feel and that feeling is more then just a thought you cant explain it..

Answer 9

I have two sons. If one of them were to tell me they felt like they should have been born a female, above all I would be afraid of the discrimination and negativity they would be subjected to. Those are my babies after all! Aside from trying to be emotionally supportive, I would sign my son up with a counselor who who specializes in this area and could help him sort through his feelings. I would strongly encourage my son to hold off on any sort of gender reassignment until he gave himself a significant amount of time for consideration.

Answer 10

As a parent, I would grieve for my child having to go through the difficulties ahead but be as supportive as possible with his decisons.
I would suggest counselling to decide if gender surgery is really the way he wanted to go, or if appearing female was enough to satisfy the feelings inside. It is gruelling surgery and once done cannot be reversed!
I would want to know if he had pursued any relationships with other men and how that felt to him. If he used protection against STD's. I would want him to wait until he was through puberty and into his mid-twenties before making any permanent decisions.
And I would love him just for being the person he is.