Ex-wife picked up my daughter but not my son?

Question

I separated from my wife in January. I have custody of the kids. She gets them every other weekend. She has 3 warrants for her arrest, got caught selling weed and is not able to hold a job or a home. This is her weekend to have the kids. She did not show up until tonight 7-7-07 at 1030pm to pick up the kids. Here is the hard part. She only picked up my daughter and told my son she will come get him tomorrow. She has to have them back to me for 5pm. My son is so upset. He went into his room after the door closed. He got his stuffed animal he has had for a long time. he calls it carrot. It a small bunny. He wraps Carrot up in a blanket like you would an infant. He is sitting in his bed balling his little eyes out. All i could do was hold him. I reassured him I will always be there for him. I know I should not have let my daughter go with out him as well, but it is her weekend and She could call the police and tell them I am not letting her get the kids. Then I am the bad guy.

I held my son until he fell asleep. My son is 6 years old. I am taking my ex back to court. She has not paid a penny in child support and I am going to see if the judge can structure the visitation to supervised visits. She is living in a motel sometimes and a tent in some ones backyard other times. She has been picking the kids up kind of as she pleases and just dropping them back off as she pleases but only during her time to have the kids. Sorry this is really long but I had to get this off my chest and possibly make me feel a little better. What else can I do about the ex-wife?

Sorry guys, I am just upset about this.

Sorry guys, I am just upset about this.

Answer 1

Both of my parents left me when I was 3 months old. All you can do is be a good father, and make up for his Mother's abandonment. A very sad story for him, sorry to hear it.

Answer 2

I am also stuck on the part that she actually gets the kids when she has 3 warrants for her arrest. If that's so, I wouldn't worry about her calling the police on you. ( let her and wait till they come for her ) I don't know what state you are in, but I know where I live, it doesn't matter if the ex calls the police ~ they will usually tell the person calling that they need to document what happens, contact the court that is handling the case and get another hearing to try to get something done. ( you could call the local police/ sheriff/state police and ask them or the court that gave you custody) More than likely , if you already have custody, she wont be able to do much about you not letting her get either of the kids. I seriously would be worried as to why she is only getting the daughter. I am so sorry that your son was hurt! Just keep reassuring him that you love him and will be there for him. Also, as someone else pointed out, document this. Then you can call the court and see about having supervised visitations for her ( which is what I would do...then someone else can **see** how she acts around the kids) or having them taken until she straightens up and is able to get both kids . give your son a hug! I hope that you are able to get this straightened out soon.

Answer 3

My first priority will always be the best interests of the kids. It is so unfortunate that the court system seems to continually favour mothers even in situations where it is so clear that childrens safety is put at risk. Your exwife's behaviour should be labeled as inconsistent and eratic. The fact that she has sold weed and unable to hold a job is quite un-nerving, yet also has warants for her arrest and is still out in public able to freely pick up the children, I question how serious are the warrants? What sort of crimes are they for? Would she take off with either of the children? Does she favour one over the other? It seems so. I would file an emergency motion with your family court office to have the access re-examined to a more suitable situation so that your kids are not in any danger but that they may still maintain a relationship with her. She should also try and seek some sort of counseling to help her deal with her issues so that she may learn to be a better loving and nurturing parent. Continue to reassure your son and daughter that you love them and so does their mother. They need to hear it from someone they love. I would tell you to have a chat with her in a civil tone that her behaviour will not be tolerated and she stands losing what she does have. But I feel that advice would fall on deaf ears. Lastly, document everything!! whenever she misses a visit or does anything out of the norm, keep a journal so you have an accurate account of events. LOVE YOUR KIDS!!!!

Answer 4

First of all kudos to you for stepping up and being such a great Dad. Is it possible she had something special she wanted to do with the older one and will make it up to him later? ( but if that's the case she should have explained it to him). All you can do now is what you did, let him know you love him and mom does too but there must be a reason she couldn't take him. ( You should give him a consolation prize of some sort. When this happens take him out for ice-cream just the two of you. It will help ease the sting of being left out if he has a special trip too, even if it's not with his mom.) By the way I would tell her exactly how he felt about what she did. Don't get mad and yell, you'll just start a fight. Instead explain what it was like for HIM. If she has a decent bone in her body she'll feel bad- if not there is probably nothing else you can do about the kind of person she is.

Answer 5

She is a *****!!!! What a total *****!!!!!

:(

That made me so sad reading that!

What a total total *****!!!!!

Not the most educated of words to use, but seriously???? It's good you assured him otherwise,and I think you did what you could by still letting her take your daughter - but you need to report her for it to your lawyer or to the courts when you go again.

In time the kids will realize her for who she is - and while it hurts to watch the little guy go through it - I agree with the above poster. Let him know you are going to have a boys night and make it up to him. You can't completely make it up to him of course, but do what you can you know?

I would worry also about some upcoming sibling rivalry or jealousy issues as well. If she comes and picks him up tomorrow when both kids are back you need to sit them down and have a talk to them and at that time then reassure them both showing they are equal in your eyes and explain to them why what happened wasn't fair.

Why is she having any custody to the kids if she has warrants out for arrest though?

Answer 6

That's a tough situation. My son's father is inconsistent with his visits too. I've found that it's best to be honest, but not give too many details when talking to my son about why his dad doesn't do what he promises him. We talk about the fact that his dad does love him, but he's only a person and sometimes people don't realize how much impact their decisions have on others. I don't know what I'd do if I had two, and one was chosen over the other. I'd be heartbroken too.

The other thing I would be worried about is letting my child leave the house with someone who my be on drugs and is wanted by the police. It's definitely time to talk to your lawyer and see what he thinks about that situation. My son knows never to go anywhere with someone he believes has been drinking or doing drugs. Bad guy or not, your kids will be safer with the clean and sober parent.

Can you talk to your ex about how your son felt when she left, or would it just escalate into an argument?

Best of luck.

Answer 7

No your not the bad guy! If she has warrents for her arrest, let her call the police! They will be SO happy!

My thoughts are that maybe you should reconsider the visitation agreement. She sounds like the kind of parent that really needs to be monitored with the kids.

Does she have a boyfriend? I find it very troubling that she only took the little girl. As for your son...I'm sorry to say that eventually they must always find out what kind of person their parents really are. Make sure you let your son know that he should always love his mother, she brought him life. He can love her but he doesn't have to love the things she does. that is unfortunately a very grown-up thing to try to understand. But no matter what happens, or what she does, YOU must always remind of him of this so that when he is finally mature enough to understand, it will always be fresh in his mind and will help him cope in a healthy way.
Children never have any control in their lives. But it is the parents' responsibility to be the adult and help them to never harbor resentment.
Please know that thousands more children are going through this very same thing. Let your children know that they are not alone. Help them to see their mother for the good person she can be and not the person drugs have made her.

May God give you strength and guidence.

Answer 8

oh man, what a tug on the heart you writing about your son.....geez man...
here we have a father who gets custody, that means he's got to be a pretty good guy. and a mother with issues.....I hate to say it, but I wouldn't have let her take either, having 3 warrants...can't keep a job or home, selling weed, I'd say she had problems.....
and your children don't need to be in an up/down environment, with someone who obviously is irresponsible. I bet the chaos and drama you and your children have and do experience is a bunch. I'd put my foot down, because I guarantee she got caught selling weed, if your daughter is older, I'd bet on it, she's seen it/smelt it, or has been introduced to it herself, and that's why the little one didn't go......I've been around people who smoke it, use to smoke it myself, there are some good folks, own homes, hold jobs etc....but then there are the ones like your ex-wife....who I'd bet pot ain't all she's doing!!!! You don't lose a job or home from smoking a little pot, but you do if your an alcoholic, or crack head! I'd be a little more suspicious as to what her activities/partying habits are, and cautious letting either of your children go with her....she gets pulled over, and they find she has a warrant, they arrest her instantly, and the kids see it all, get taken away in a cop car, and you don't need all that chaotic drama bull crap!!!! Good luck to you and your kids for a better future with no bull crap....

Answer 9

Wow! This is a tough one! My recommendation for right now is to go to your son and hold him again. Let him know that you love him and that you will do your best to be there for him.
With the issues that your ex is going through, you may need to have the visitation rights looked over and see what you can do about having her visits monitored. You do not want to have your kids exposed to this type of life. But because it is her, you will have to teach them to be better than what she is portraying. Let your daughter know how much you love her and that if at any time she does not feel safe, to call you or 911 so that she can be able to pull herself out of any bad situation that your ex can put her into.

Answer 10

i am so so sorry for your son, i cant imagine what your son feels like and im sure your daughter is going to feel guilty for this and for her i am so very sorry for her. i wish i could give you a reason why she would do that but i really dont know why any mother would do that. and im sorry u have to see your kids go through this. i think you should take her to court and make where she has to be there with you while seeing the kids or get full custody without her seeing the children, i know at first this would hurt your kids but they are already hurting, and hopefully one day they will see what a terrific father you are.

Answer 11

You really didn't ask a question. No, in the future I wouldn't let my daughter go without her brother. Your wife is not keeping the terms of the agreement. She should have picked them up yesterday, right? Why are you worried about her calling the cops? She's the one with warrants out for her arrest. She calls the cops she goes to jail. Get up early tomorrow and do something special with your son. Call it a boys day out. No girls allowed.