My 20 year old daughter and I fight constantly. Why can't we live peacefully?

Question

She has no respect for me. She acts like nothing is my business. I can't ask her if she is going to work today. She responses "Why are you in my business". I don't like her very much. She's back for the summer. She goes to college out of state. While there she didn't have to answer to anyone. Now she doesn't think she has to answer to me. She has forgotten all the common courtesies of sharing a home with someone else. My brother is in the hospital in critical condition, He's been in a coma for a week. She doesn't seem to care. She spent last week at a girlfriend's apartment with her boyfriend who was in town. Every day she called me and said she would be home tomorrow. That literally went on for a week. I finally yelled at her and told her I didn't want to her that anymore. Responsible adults do what they say or call and say their plan has changed. I hung up on her, I subsequently apologized for hanging up.

Answer 1

Mom, you got a problem. We can all sit here and give you advise and will you really take it? I've been there and done that. You do deserve respect. Are you footing the bills for her college? Are you providing her with a car and insurance? If she is doing everything for herself, then have a talk with her about your expectation of respect in your home, if she is going to spend any nights in your home, and eat your food. If morality is the issue, then she should be asked not to flaunt her immorality in your face as this is an issue with you. If religion is the background then stick to your beliefs. Remember, it is your home. If she still wants to call it home, come home and for you to help with her expenses of college, she should respect the rules of the house. If this is a complete personality change for her, then suspect drug abuse. Do tell her you love her, and what rules you expect of her when she visits from college. I had a 1oclock kerfew as long lived in my parents house. Expect to give a little but not let her take it a mile. One important thing is listen, be interested in what she has to say, not preach to her, get her to open up a bit, and then discuss your expectations and see if you two can compromise on some rules.

Answer 2

You need to write her a letter. I was just like your daughter when i was her age. I don't know why b.c my mom loved me very much. I guess I never really thought of my mom as a real person and I didn't understand that she had REAL FEELINGS just like I did. Now we are very close. In the letter tell her how much you love her and tell her the good things that you like about her. Then tell her how she hurts your feelings when she does certain things but don't be mean or have an attitude b.c that will make her not believe you are being truthful. Then you just have to let go. She will need time to think about what you've said in the letter. If you want to spend time with her tell her you miss her and take her to do something special if she says no say okay maybe another time. You can't pry into her life though b.c it will push her away. Let her share those things with you when she is ready.

Answer 3

If she doesn't follow your house rules, make her stay somewhere else. She should respect you, to be able to stay in your home. Since she doesn't kick her to the curb. Stand up for yourself and if she wants you to stay out of her business, tell her to take her business some where else.
She sounds like a very selfish, self centered, ungrateful person.

Best thing to do with this kind of person is set her out at the curb with all her belongings, tell her you love her and see ya later you are going to see your brother.

She is an adult now so let her support her self totally now. She shouldn't be living at home. She won't feel so smart elleky when she is having to fend for her self, like she should be, she will develope some respect really quick when she finds out the hand out has been cut off. It's called tough love and it is the best thing for you and her both. Don't let this keep happening. You will feel guilty at first, but you should not. You will be doing the right thing by cutting your apron strings.

Answer 4

Wow. i'm hoping this question is a comedian tale. you actual SMACKED a 20 or 21 300 and sixty 5 days previous. Whoa....important newborn abuse, and funnily adequate, not even newborn abuse any further yet actual grownup abuse. i'm hoping they phoned the law enforcement officials on you. the only perfect action so which you will take, on account which you have needless to say introduced them up in a violent abode, and at the instant are reaping the implications, is so which you will tell them to pass away abode and cope on their very own. it could additionally be advantageous in case you may desire to be able to pay for a number of the therapy they are going to actual want simply by being suggested in a house the place violence isn't in trouble-free terms seen as perfect while they are youthful, yet additionally while they are adults. an extremely unhappy question, and gives you perception into how human beings improve up while they could desire to stay with violent mom and dad. perchance you may desire to get some therapy your self. It actual could not make issues any worse.

Answer 5

I know that this may be a hurtful thought... but, sometimes it is just best to let go. She is an adult... no matter how irresponsible she may be. She has to realize on her own what being responsible really means... you can't help her with that. She is going to continue to do things that you may feel is immature and irresponsible until she completely grows up. I know that you want her to be responsible now... but that is something that she will have to come to terms with on her own time... she is still young, and has a lot of growing to do. Just let go for right now... or you will push her further away. Give her the space that she feel she needs... and one day she will feel a void in that place in her life where you ( her mother ) always were and it is then that she will come to you but you have to let go first. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I was going through the same thing with my mom for a while and that i finally came to realize that she didnt deserve any of it and i felt so guilty and that i ended up getting saved and that now i feel that our relationship has healed a little, but i know that might not work out (though she might think it corny) but once my mom became more interested in my honest feelings i felt more willing to talk because she wasnt so interested in my where abouts but was really focused on my true self and that made me feel more wanted. i dont know if this will be much help, but i hope for the best.

Answer 7

I am very sorry about your brother, I hope he gets better, that alone has got to have you stressed out.....
are you one of those women that have "the doormat syndrome"..
you know, "too nice" to stand up for herself and say how she really feels, but doesn't because she doesn't want someone "mad" at her?......How DARE your daughter talk to you like that....who's paying for college? and she comes "home" during the summer?....she helping with the groceries, property taxes, mortgage etc., or would that be YOU!!!!
She got a job? or do YOU give her GAS money, for the car you probably CO-SIGNED or bought her.....Hmmmm?.....
YOUR house, repeat.....YOUR HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get a backbone Mom, and the next time she smarts off to you, you can remind her of just who's house it is! And "don't ever talk to me like that again, or you can find somewhere else to stay for the summer".....PERIOD......I know you love her, but that's bull crap! She is 20, knows everything correct, bull crap.....you need to nip it in the butt!!!!! She's 20, let her come and go as she pleases, but you demand COURTESY!!!!! and if she won't at least give you that, let her stay with that girlfriend!!!!!! Toughen up mom!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

well,u should find out why ur daughter is acting like this.take charge.ur the mother n u need 2 be somewhere alone so u can talk 2 ur daughter.show her,her reflection.wat i mean is show her what she's been doing lately that's been bothering u.if she talks back,dont let her.tell her that she needs to hear a mother out.i think something's up with her,causing her 2 do this.has she always been this way?if she doesnt tell u the reason,u can always get sourses from her friends.if i did dat 2 my mom...i'd be kicked outta my house..hope it helps!

Answer 9

Put her junk in a storage shed (pay for a couple months), change the locks on the house and tell her to find her own place.

That should be like a very cold slap in the face. You'll get her attention real fast and her respect (in time). But even if you don't, you can't be expected to be treated like this.

Answer 10

first of all sorry about ur brother . seconde of all how do u know she does not care are u inside her head,
and it's normal she lived by her self and awnsered to no one you can;t expect her to change it bother u instead of being A parent be a friend. she is an adult let her make her own mistake and fall a couple of times she will come crawling back i know i did.