I am surrounded by negative people...?

Question

My family is full of people who are very negative in general and they deal with things in a very negative way. I thought my husband was a positive person with goals and dreams of his own, but it didn’t turn out that way. I am the type of person who has dreams and goals in life and I like to meet those goals…and I did for a little while. Now, recently I can’t seem to meet or accomplish the simplest of goals or plans I set for myself. All my plans seem to to go un done lately and it’s starting to bother me. My husband has turned out to be just as negative as the rest of my family.
All they do is go on and on to me about how they want this or that in life, but they never lift a finger to make it happen…they don’t even try. I encourage all of them, I even offer to do whatever I can to help them make their dreams come true, but they never make any effort for themselves. Whenever I come up with any solutions for them, they always seem to be full of excuses. It’s as if all they want to do is complain about how unsatisfied they are with how things are in their lives and whine about how they wish they could do this or that. Frankly, I am sick of it and have told them how I feel because now I feel as though their attitude and way of thinking is bringing me down and effecting me. I have goals and dreams that I am trying to meet and their negativity is starting to bum me out. I can’t help who my family is, but now that my husband has shown his true colors, I am completely surrounded by negative people who only complain, but do nothing to change their situation. Is there anyone out there who can give some advice as to how I can stay sane in this situation? Your help is appreciated.

10 points for best answer. Thanks!

Thank you for your input. I understand my describing the situation is also complaining, but how am I supposed to explain what is going on and what I need advice about without describing the situation?

Answer 1

You can't change them, you can only change YOU. Believe me, I know it's hard. But you must distance yourself somewhat, from these people. Instead of trying to solve their problems, just sympathize instead. Just listen, nod, say "I agree" or whatever it takes -- and then go do you own thing. Use your energy for YOUR dreams and goals. Do NOT let them drag you down.

Maybe, just maybe, when they see that dreams CAN come true and goals CAN be met, they will get off their sorry butts!

Answer 2

First of all, have a thorough talk with your husband. Tell him all about the situation, and that his negativity is only making things worse for him and for you. The next time he tries to be negative, the both of you can work it into a positive situation by thinking of a solution to your problems. Work on this together, that way he won't feel like your criticizing him, and it would be a healthy approach to correcting his negativity. The both of you will then be able to meet your goals and dreams.

Answer 3

This is something I have to deal with as well. I have severed friendships that were nothing but negative, but unfortunately you can't severe yourself from family. My mother and grandmother are very negative and it's a constant source of frustration. Since I can't change them, I try to "kill them with positivity," much like people say to kill mean people with kindness. I don't talk about anything negative in front of them and when they bring up negative things, I try to change the subject or suggest they look at the positive aspects of the situation. I usually ask that they refrain from being negative in my presence. I have told my mother though that I'm not going to allow her and my grandmother to spew their negativity on my child (I'm pregnant with my first now). The last thing I want is my child to grow up around that and be raised to think that that's okay. Hopefully she'll make a change for her grandchild, but I don't have major hopes for that.

Answer 4

It seems that you have a great and important decision to make.

Reevaluate everything. All that you have to lose and all that you have to gain. As cliche as this sounds, "you only have one life" and if you were to die tommorrow, would you be able to look back on everything and smile with satisfaction or still harbor some deep seated regrets? I understand that family = making sacrifices and if you are just having a bad day, and you're not seriously thinking about this, then that's okay too. But if you're truly burned out and you feel like you're going nowhere, then maybe it's time that you move in another direction.

In the end, YOU make the decision.

Answer 5

First, stop talking about your goals and dreams to anyone you consider to be negative people. The fact of someone being your husband, mother or father doesn't constitute an obligation on your part to share your dreams with them.

Second, start or keep talking about your goals and dreams, and working on them with people you consider positive and with the same kind of outlook, dreams and goals in life, as yours.

If you don't already have such friends, there are lots of discussion groups and forums where you surely will be able to find someone with similar interests as yours, and most of all, you'll find people WHO ARE ALREADY DOING SOMETHING to achieve what for others are "their childish and impossible dreams".

Please don't take this the wrong way, but so much complaining on your part, about your husband and your family, seems to be making you just as negative as you say they are. When one starts complaining over and over about the others surrounding us, you just become more and more like them, and instead of advancing on your goals, you just get indefinitely stalled.

So, start making and/or cultivating positive, like-minded friendships and limit your time spent with negative people to basic coexisting needs. When they see how you start achieving your goals and dreams little by little, I BET they'll start being less and less negative about you. Maybe they treat you the way they treat you because your lack of action makes them think you're all dreams and no action. SHOW THEM OTHERWISE!

Best of luck!

Answer 6

Its a miracle you came out as POSITIVE as you sound....from such a dark background.Maybe you are too much of a romantic and dreamer yourself...those other people just did grow up,life isnt all sunshine and roses you know.Your family and husband do have responsibilities to take care of and they cant chase rainbows .Im sure they tried but it hasnt made them happy obviously......Why do you let yourself be stopped being an achiever and planner....its the best excuse in the world to BLAME other but in the end its your resposibility and if your hubby is blocking your dreams and goals you are IN the WRONG relationship but why did he CHANGE,again I think he gew up and is facing life challenges....some are just negative and must be dealt accordingly.If you think you will start losing your mind,pack it in and TAKE a break from your marriage and family-ties,why not buy a ticket to tibet or iNDIA and talk with positive people

Answer 7

I can relate maybe the reason as to why you didn't accomplish those goals before because you was thinking negative key is think positive and you will get far second tell your husband its bothering you if he don't listen when he talk walk out the room so he can get that you are being serious good luck and lots of love!!!

Answer 8

Dont let your family's negativity prevent you from doing what you want to do in life. Be your own person. Work towards what you want and if there against it thats there problem. Of course you should still love your family because there your family and thats the card you have been dealt in life but dont let there negativity prevent you from being the person you want to be. As far as your husband goes I dont have a lot of advise to give you. I think you should just talk to him about it and tell him his negativity is hurting you or you should get some kind of marriage counseling if it is truly affecting you that strongly. Just accept that you family is who they are and you cant change them but you can always work towards what you want in life. good luck!

Answer 9

okay i can be a generally positive person
my goals are simple at this point
gradfuate from high school and right now i'm a freshman
then get my dream career in automotives engineering
so i'm right there with you
my family isn't all negative
i mean we have our sloutches and real go getters
but what i did was zone out of how they won't do anything and carry on about my priorities
i can care less about what some of my family members have to say and do at this point
good luck

Answer 10

OMG! You sound just like me and my situation.

It was a hard decision for me but I have chosen to distance myself from the negative people in my life. It hurts because they are family, but I feel soooo much better. I am no longer caught up in the drama of their lives.. I have started to re-concentrate on myself, my family and my goals.

I have been more relaxed and stress free and have begun to get my priorities in order.

Just take a step back from the negativity and positive vibes will surround you.

I have learned to forgive myself and forgive others as well.

The best part is I no longer have to hear about how unhappy everyone else is.

Like you said, people can only change if they change it or do something about it. Maybe its your turn to do something too.

Be blessed!

Aero