Is there anybody out there that can help me?

Question

I am 15 ½ years old. During 1st - 7th grade I was harassed and bullied. After 7th grade my parents sent me to a nearby school. Because of all that I went trough, it was hard for me to handle my anger. At the age of 10 I started biting myself. On March 25th of 2007, I cut myself. I am not sure why I did, but it was like an impulse. Then, about 3 ½ weeks b4 school ended, I cut myself again. The first time I told my best friend (who is going to be a Senior) b/c I thought she would understand b/c she used to cut. The second time, I did tell her and I knew that she was disappointed in me and she told me that she hates to see me like this and that I need to tell someone soon. This really scared me b/c I did not feel like I could tell my parents. At the beginning of 8th grade, I thought that I might be bisexual, then at the beginning of 8th grade, I thought that I might be bisexual, then at the beginning of high school I realized and accepted the fact that I was. And not to long ago I found

out that my dad really does not like people who are gay.
have also have had sucidale thoughts but am not stupid enough to go though with it. I am not sure that I am going to tell my parents because my mom keeps having these side pains and the doctors do not know what it wrong with her and she might have this test that is 50% successful and 50% chance that she will die. And the doctor told her to keep her stress level down. I have not cut or bite for about 7 weeks. I don’t know what the he!! I should do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Do not tell me that I need to see a doctor, to many people have told me that already and I do not need anyone else telling me that. am talking to my friends and it seems to help. But I feel like I am loosing my faith. have started writeing in a journal and writeing poetry, that seems to help alot.

I am a christain, but it feels like God is never there for me.

emmygirl1316-

It would be helpfull if I had someone else to talk to, seeing as I can not get a hold of my close friend that can realt to what I am going through than most of my friends. My email is: [e-mail]

Answer 1

It's not uncommon to have the sort of issues that you are having in your age range. You are approaching adulthood and that is scary. You are also apparently burdened with the stress of trying to maintain a brave front for the sake of your family. There may also be a feeling that you are being over looked with so many other things going on with other members of your family and that may be true. It would be helpful for you to be in counseling. Also try not to read too much in your friends reactions to what you have told her. She is probably very concerned for you and just doesn't know how to help. Speak with someone you trust, (preferably an adult) about counseling. I believe that you could probably do this without alarming anyone since this would be very helpful for you. Don't let your circumstances overwhelm you. You need to get some guidance and help. I hope that you do and soon. There's nothing wrong with needing help, we all do at some point in our lives, and sometimes the times we need help are numerous. I wish you luck.

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you, because during my junior and senior year in high school I also had tendencies toward self-mutilative behaviors. Keep your friend close, because you will not always be surrounded by people who understand. I also wrote poetry and kept a journal. Don't stop doing that. It's therapeutic and it's really like giving therapy to yourself. To keep all of those things inside would be dangerous considering that you have hurt yourself before. Never be afraid of what you write...just keep writing.

As for trying to stop, there isn't much anyone else can do. Therapists even find it difficult to get people to stop. The thing is, you need to find the root of the problem. This is where the writing comes into play. Just write about whatever comes to mind-and soon enough you'll notice a pattern of topics, people, places, etc. This should really help you realize what it is that's causing these feelings, and when you let out the feelings, that may just be enough to stop your cutting.

I'm very sorry you are feeling this way. I am a christian also, and I sympathize with you 100%. Even though you can't always feel that God is there, he is. It took me so many years to finally figure that out. Things don't always turn out the way we plan, and sometimes we feel so alone. But I assure you, with God on your side, you are far from alone.

From a survivor, I wish you the best of luck in battling this issue. God Bless You.

Answer 3

You're not alone. I am 23 now, but when I was a teen I was so angry, confused, stressed out, depressed and pretty everything else you described. I don't think adults are honest about just how crappy being a teen can be. Have faith. I promise things get better.

It really does sound like you have a lot on your plate for just being 15--the effects of being bullied, bisexuality, your mom's health, and everything else. I know you don't want to see a doctor, but I really think it's important that you talk to someone. A lot of the times when people cut themselves it's because they have all these emotions built up in them and they don't know how to get them out, so they cut. Maybe there is a high school counselor, an older adult friend, or one of your friend's mothers you can confide in?

It's really great that you are writing in a journal and doing poetry. Those are great ways to express what you are feeling.

Answer 4

Hey Nikki,

You can tell by now from all the answers you have received that you are not alone.
I add myself to the list of people you can email and talk to. I used to cut myself - it has been quite a few years now, but I still have the scars and memories of how this happened.
I also sought out training and information for myself, and, in that process, I became a Clinical Hypnotherapist.
Hypnosis, for me, began with learning about self hypnosis, and my motivation therein was to seek to better understand myself, find out WHY I was doing things compulsively, and WHY I was almost always feeling 'not good enough'.
I am not saying that Hypnosis is the answer, just that I learned some insights during my training that were helpful to me.
I also don't always use hypnosis with myself OR people who ask me for help. Sometimes, I just use communication.
Anyway, consider me on your side, along with all the other offers to write to.
Please use the contact link on my website as it will provide you with unrestricted composition of email messages.
You can turn this problem into an asset. I know this because I did.
Roselle

Answer 5

Hey, I used to be the same way, I actually socked myself in the mouth so hard I nocked out part of my tooth. The truth is, school is the worst thing for a kid, mentally. I have never experanced anything more stress full. You aren't alone and I understand how messed up all thatstuff can make you feel. The bestthing you can do is take a deep breath and tell yourself you don't care, achieve the goal you set for yourself, not the ones others setfor you ok.

Answer 6

Your dad will not accept your bisexuality. You are worried about your mother. You are having a hard time escaping your past abuse. You have suicidal thoughts but not any intention of doing this. You are prone to cut yourself when under too much stress. You want to be able to talk about all this to someone who will listen and try to help you.

You say you don't want to go to a doctor. Maybe because of your parents learning about your "secrets" that you can't talk to them about.

What if you could talk to a therapist and your parents did not have to know? If you are15, there is a law that says they can't know anything you don't want them to know. As long as you are not a danger to yourself or others, the things you and your therapist discuss is confidential.

Therapist are trained to help teenagers with problems like yours. I would strongly suggest talking to a therapist or a counselor. Your school probably has one. If it does, tell the counselor not to say anything to your parents. Maybe later on you might decide they need to know, but until then, its between you and the counselor or the therapist.

Answer 7

I am relly extremely sorry for all that you've been through and I've gotta say some of it rings true for me as well, although I have had amazing help at home so I have never had to resort to hurting myself.

I truly want to make sure you are okay, and I would love it if I could help you personally. Maybe by talking to you a few times a day/week or just sending emails of encouragement. If you think you would like to have my help, please comment this back with your email address or phone number and we can talk.

Best of luck with your entire life! By the way, my dad is a priest in the Episcopal church and I haven't always felt that God is there for me either. But to be completely honest, I think God doesn't have to be the only one that helps you and its impossible to rely solely on him/her.

Answer 8

You need some professional counseling. During school months that is easy to find, but in summer it might be harder. Can you control yourself for the next month or so, and then start seeing a school counselor when school starts? Since you can't drive yet that might be your best option. If you can't relax for a few weeks and just enjoy the summer, you probably should talk to your mom and ask if you can start seeing a counselor before school starts. No sense in being miserable.


Kent in SD

Answer 9

Hey nikki

What ypu are going through is very dominant in teenagers your age. When you go through abuse of the kind you went tnrough such as bullying and harrasment of any kind, you develop issues.

What you need to do is, if you think your parents wont be suitable to tell this to, you need to talk to your schools guidance counsellor and get help. Dont think you are alone at all. Theres help out there for this and you need it. Right now you need to think about yourself. You are just 15, you havent even started your life. You need to help yourself and talk to a professional about it.

You can also google any emergency helpline for teens in your state and get in contact with someone immediately. If you need any help finding out a service, talk around or post it up here and im sure there will be many people who will help out.

Answer 10

There are people out there that can help you but i doubt anyone on yahoo answers is going to make everything better. Ask your parents to take you to a psychologist or a doctor. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You can work out all your problems with the help of a professional. Things will get better