What part of this makes me wrong....?

Question

I grew up basically watching my mom and Dad constantly bickering. Its interfered with the way i think and now react to certain situations. The last time they fought, he was going to hit her...I heard her screaming, so i got up and went to the room. there he was over her, i g ot really mad...memories just started pouring in..So i yelled at him. (he used to hit me, but few years ago, i grew up. And i just didn't look vulnerbale). So anyways i yelled at him, i told him if he ever touced her again, i will kill him. He never did touch her, or even argue. Perhaps he woke up.

But since that day, i have no feelings for him..i never really saw him as a "father". we don't speak. i just pass straight without saying anything. It hurts not reallly having a connnection, lke sometimes you just need a bond like that...but there could never be anything there.

My mom is like, he works hard, he is your father..talk to him.
But, i dont know how. Its like, in my mind....i took him out

...like how do you move on after this situation and make him part of my so called life again?

Maybe i'm just avoiding a bigger picture....maybe somewhere down the line, i'll disappoint him.

I haven't hugged either of my parents in years....I just block people out of my life, i ask my mom "why did you have to marry him, was it because i was born"...i'm pretty straight-forward.

I don't hate anyone, honestly. Its a wase of time, we all make mistakes. I can however, block you out.

And knowing my father, since i live with him. I think he...finds it hard to grow. He didn't grow up in the right environment....Mentally he don't know what love is, and i dont want to grow up like that.

Answer 1

let me start by telling you yours is a common issue these days.This is not to explain, rationalize, defend,or justify it, only making a valid observation. Having said that, I can not begin to understand the well of emotion that you must be going through and you have my deepest sympathies and empathy.However ,I have to agree with your mother with reference to a father-daughter relation. While your pain, anger, resentment, is perfectly understandable, trying to rebuild a new relationship with him actually frees you from all of the negative emotions,allows you to move on with your life(and future man -woman intimacy), and might really begin to help your father mend and change his ways. Remember the old saying:"to err is human, to forgive is divine".Besides,hatred consumes so much energy and effort that you can spend in a more productive pursuit.So while you are not wrong,you are holding yourself back.Paternal feelings are still buried deep within you, please allow yourself to love again.It is a more positive and constructive emotion.Please keep me posted on your progress and I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

First of all I want to congratulate you on standing up to your father. That is an extremely hard step to take. Now it seems that there is some unfinished business. The fact is you did something right, but now it's time to finish that. if you had no feeling for your father it would not bother you that you are not talking. You have already shown ou are the bigger man, and you have to finish my repairing the relationship. If you don't you'll always wonder, what if, after it is too late. He was wrong, but now that you both know that, let him know you can make it right. You don't have to throw out your pride, just swallow enough of it to let you talk to the man. I am sure there are some things he did right, especially if you came out with the courage you wee able to have that day. Goodluck.

Answer 3

Son, even your dad can learn from such a confrontation, and I think he is rather ashamed of himself, thus his attitude towards you. However! having said that, he is still your dad and your mom is still your mom! So why don't you give him a chance to make amends to you? Tell him you would like to talk to him like father and son, and tell him how you feel, the hurt and the anguish you felt when he and your mom had a row, and that you want it to be a family again. A hug for him just might do wonders for him, I know it would for your mum! Give it a try! And show him that you've grown up too! Good luck my son, and you have a good day.

Answer 4

I had a tough situation kinda like this with my mom, but she was a crackhead! It says alot about you to want to reach out and even want to have a relationship with your father. However do not feel pressured by anyone to make a move your uncomfortable with. A relationship is a two way street and both people involved have to put forth an effort to make it work. Maybe try counseling to get past feelings out so the both of you can face them. I'm sure this one incident is not the cause for the lack of connection.....
I'm sure he would like to have his son back!
Good Luck

Answer 5

It is a tough situation for sure. It was good of you to come to your mothers defense. You and your mother should seek counseling, a support group for battered women is a good place to start. The groups are free, just look in your local paper for listings or call your county health dept and they should be able to direct you. It is good to have others you can talk to who have dealt with these kind of family problems.

Answer 6

i think what you should do is talk to your dad - ask if you can go out to lunch and tell him that you have really been feeling bad about that day. that you want to have a strong relationship with him. tell him you never want to see him angry like that again. i know this will be hard but you need to try to talk to him that is the only way you will have a relationship.

tough one -

Answer 7

You just answered your own questions. In your mind, you "took him out" and in your mind, when you made him back off your mom, you assumed the dominant male role in the family (note that I said "in your mind"). I think you need to just tell him that it hurt you so much, the violence and the turmoil he put you and your mom in, that you just felt like you HAD TO stand up to him, but that you do want to love him like a dad and you do want to be connected to him again. I bet he feels the same way (wanting to re-establish that connection).

Answer 8

It sounds like you woke your father up to his bad behavior. If he has truely changed and stopped being abusive, then you could try some polite dinner conversation and see how it goes.