What rules/arrangements do you set for adult children moving back home?

Question

What does anyone suggest as far as responsibilities, contributions to household expenses, privileges, etc?

How do you set boundaries without treating them like children?
Yet have them be independent although they are living with parents?

Answer 1

When I moved back home things were fine.. I followed the "rules" my parents had..

-Buy food for the pets and toilteries for the house

-Cook 3-4 meals during the week/buy groceries
-Do laundry
-Work full-time/school part-time

* I would go out on the weekends and out with my friends
* I would date, but not have overnight guests
* I would go out of town with my friends on occassion
* I would call if I wasn't going to be home

I did these things... It was when my parents started adding and amending the list is when I decided it was time to move out...
So, my advice to you whether you are a parent/child is that you set some guidlines that work for your family and stick to them... Not add/take away things as you please.. Also, respecting your grown childs privacy is HUGE. If possible set a move-in / Move out date if the situation needs... I didn't pay rent, but I feel that I contributed to the house and was respectful being there....

Answer 2

You should take into consideration why they need to come back home and what their cost of living will be. Charge them enough so that they will understand that being on their own is more beneficial but not too much where they can't put away enough savings to get out. Each child is unique, so there are no certain rules. So "Mom" needs to determine when to get tough and when to bend a few rules for the "grown & back at home child".

The irresponsible gets the tough love and the child that just fell on hard times should get a little leaniancy.

Answer 3

I am 28, almost 29 yrs old and seperated from my husband. Both our daughter and I moved back in with my parents. I have offered to help with expenses(mortgage, utilities), but they refuse. So I pitch in with any little thing I see we are all in need of (groceries, household stuff like laundry detergent, TP, dog food, etc). I take two days a week to strip clean the whole house. I have been told to make a night for myself and go out with a friend if I need a break (daughter is almost 4) and they will watch her, but I cannot bring myself to do this as often as they want me to (I have been out once in 6 months and I was home by 11 PM). I try to be respectful of their schedule. It is their house, their rules. They were kind enough to let me move back in, it is the least I can do.

Answer 4

I don't have kids, but I get so sick of hearing parents complain about their adult children...whom they ALLOWED to move home...just basically being moochers. Look, if you want to let your kids move back home they need to understand BEFORE THEY SET FOOT IN THE DOOR that they will be PAYING RENT. You can set something that's reasonable based on their income. The same with their household expenses on down the line. You cannot set curfews for adults - because you are not helping them if you do. As you have pointed out they are not CHILDREN and therefore they need to come and go as they please. If you are religious and have issues with premarital sex, you can tell them "no overnight guests" of that nature, but I think that should only apply to an irregular stream of "dates" flowing in and out of your house. If they have a regular significant other you shouldn't have a problem with it. Barring it totally from your house doesn't mean it AIN'T happening. Make it clear what noise limits you can stand, parties and all other kinds of social things so that you can all live together. If they have children of their own make it clear that THEIR children are THEIR responsibility. They should not be allowed to move back home thinking that you are going to alter YOUR lifestyle to be a full-time babysitter! Above all, DON'T make excuses or allow them to make excuses if they have SIZEABLE incomes NOT to pay for things e.g. if your son is an engineer and wants to live at home he better be able to cough up decent dough to help you out or GET OUT and find a place of his own.

Answer 5

In those difficult financial situations, many grownup infants are shifting in with their mothers and fathers. it is your place and you're perfect to set regulations on the get bypass. possibly a time shrink could be good too. She additionally should be helping the family in some way. As for what she does exterior the residing house, she's 27 and you will't administration that. for sure, she did no longer embody the morality portion of your ideals, as fornication is illegitimate at any age. I Corinthians 6:9-11

Answer 6

This is an easy one. Sit them down and tell them how much room and board is, what time the doors get locked at night, and if they have kids, how much you charge for sitting when they want to run out and have fun. Then, if they came home because of some financial or marital problems, you should be able to expect them to act like an adult and do the kinds of things it will take for them to get back on their feet again. Then dont forget to tell them you love them too! Good luck!

Answer 7

I presume the reason they are moving back is financial? It is very tough. You cannot erase all the years when they were the child and you the parent. If they are saving money to move into their own place I wouldnt charge just because I would want to expedite the process. As long as they turn the stove off, lock the doors, clean up after themselves, and no noise after your bedtime, I would be happy and then enjoy this time as a chance to enjoy them

Answer 8

Rule Number 1: You're an adult and you best act like one or else I will treat you like a child.
Rule Number 2: Don't start no **** with me, I'll put you out.
Rule Number 3 Obey rules 1 and 2 and we'll get along just fine.

Answer 9

My kids have moved in and out several times. They understand that while we are living together we are roommates. If they're jobless at the time, they contribute by keeping the place clean, cooking, etc. Everyone has responsibilities. As for rules, they're adults. They do what they want as long as it isn't illegal and doesn't keep me awake at night.

Answer 10

Their financial contribution show tae into account what you are providing and what they can afford. The rules are anything you say they are and they have the choice of accepting them or finding other arrangements. This is after all something you are doing as a favor to them and they must be aware of that.