This 6 y/o kid has a gift. He knows exactly how to get to individual persons. His new kick with me is the "I don't love you."--- Today... he doesn't love me because I let him spend 5 hours outside, and now it's time to come back in. Hmm...
I can deal with "I hate you" more than "I don't love you"...
I thought about feeding him bread and butter for dinner, while me and his dad eat a real meal tonight... because "I don't cook for people who don't love me." Is that going on his level, though?
I don't let him know that it gets to me, or he'll do it more! How do I deal with this one?
2007-07-07 10:33:17 · 12 answers · asked by Thinking 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I´d smile and nod and say, "well, i love you to pieces, but you´re not exactly my favourite person right now either!"
Dont let it get to you, kids do that. They don´t have the maturity to express themselves in more complex terms, so instead of saying "i´m frustrated that you´re making me go in when i want to be outside" they say "i hate you" or "i don´t love you" or "i love someone else better". It may also be a way to seek reassurance that your love is unconditional.
2007-07-07 10:50:13 · answer #1 · answered by counsel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, your son does love you. Love is a complex emotion that a 6 year old cant grasp at his age. He feels the emotion but probably can't correlate the word with the feeling. However, your son, along with every other kid out there has grasped the concept that some words hurt Mommy and Daddy the way they themselves hurt or want inside. Remember that children cannot express themselves as eloquently as adults. Anger, hate and love are abstract concepts for a 6 year old. Thus, they are inadequately verbalized.
When your son says these things, tell him it hurts you to hear those words a thousand times more than it hurts him to come inside when it's time to stop playing. Tell him you love him no matter what he says. Tell him that Mom and Dad are the boss and he is just going to have to accept that fact for a few more years. He will come around. The exception to this in my opinion is if there is yelling, screaming or any type of physical violence on his part which must be corrected on the spot. This is all part of being the boss. Remember take his age and multiply by 2 = 12 Min's in time out is my recommendation for this situation.
I hope that I have helped a little. Just remember that your son does love you and will be your best friend to the end.
2007-07-08 02:01:57 · answer #2 · answered by cw2shane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are his mother. You have known him all his life. The perfect kid does not exist and at times they are just horrors. My main concern is that you are more worried about yourself and whatever his age he needs your love without stint and without question, so don't do anything that might leave an emotional scar.
A child who is assured of love can take discipline. You are his parent. You make the rules and decide the sanctions, and so long as the child can see the sense in it, and that rewards and punishments will happen then they will be happy to concur.
What we tend to do as parents is make threats that we can not execute and 'forget' we have offered a reward, and then wonder why our children find us exasperating and are rebellious and stubborn.
2007-07-07 11:47:38 · answer #3 · answered by d00ney 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some kids go threw this, make sure he isn't hearing other people saying mean things like that to each other.
Then just say, "that's ok, i still love you anyway". Just because they say it doesn't mean that they actually mean it. But punishing them for saying something like that, or expressing their feelings, even if they do it in a mean way isn't going to make it better, it will probably make it worse. They learn from example.
2007-07-07 11:27:33 · answer #4 · answered by cris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tell my sone that I love him no matter what he does and that it's okay for him to be angry, but it is never acceptable for him to say hurtful things to us.
If I hear him say it to his mother, I scold him and tell them that he is not to talk to his mother like that. If he persists, he gets time out.
In short, it's hurtful and not appropriate for him to talk that way to us.
Sometimes he gets it, sometimes he doesn't, but we made it clear the very first time that it was not acceptable, and he does it bvery rarely now. He's four.
And, no, you do not want to reciprocate with similar actions. He may say taht he does not love you, but you should exaplin that you DO still love him - even when he acts hurtfully. Don't start playing the "If you don't like me, I don't like you" game. You are the adult and you know better than that.
2007-07-07 10:42:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that would be petty and a very bad example. You're right, this kind of behavior is done for the response and it's best to just not give him one. I usually ignore it. Sometimes I just say, "I know, but I still love you."
2007-07-07 10:41:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be happy. Your son knows that you love him no matter what he says. Just say love you too, now get your butt in the house. Don't ever say you don't love him because kids have a loooong memory.
2007-07-07 10:53:39 · answer #7 · answered by Crystal H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi.. Don't even think about going down to a child's level, that just lets them know their winning!! Every time he says "i hate you" ignore him and when he says i don't love you just say "I'll love you forever" so he knows he'll never win that argument!
2007-07-07 10:43:13 · answer #8 · answered by Ellen O 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wash his mouth out with soap, this is bad words just like curse words
just a drop or two of soap on the tongue should do the trick
2007-07-07 11:53:14 · answer #9 · answered by Emily 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes a 6 yr old.
2007-07-07 11:01:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋