Our fight turned semi-physical, now what?

Question

We fought because he did not want to have a conversation w/me. He thought what I wanted to converse about was a small and worthless thing, that as smart as I am, I should have figured it out and gotten over it myself. I dont agree. I believe that if I was upset he should have been willing to humor me. Make me feel better if he could. Where I went wrong was that after he shut down as in refusing to speak. I was aggressive with him, I swore at him. I did all of this to get a response. When I could have waited another day, or a time when we both cooled off. I know him so I knew it would work, but I did it for 3hours. I refused to let up. I feel liek I always let up for him, so whynot for me? It was a war of the wills. He has a bad temper that he keeps in check, but I made it flare. He put his hands on my neck. He let go immediately, but it scared us both. Hes apologized. I have to, I pushed him to the edge. And purposefully. I dint think it go that far tho...

well now its been more than a wk. Hes being distant, says he doesnt want to break up. But at the same time hes acting like hes not fully in it. He said he needed time and I feel hes had enough. I cant handle anymore, not knowing where we are headed. A break up, or a turn for the better. Hes not giving us the chance either, bc hes shutting down. He tries to avoid the subject. I dont want us to ride the fence. I love him! I feel this is our breaking point. We were supposed to meet up today. I asked him to call me, bc Ive been doing all the calling. He called at 11 this am, said he had soem thinsg to do and would call me after. Its now 530. Im so scared.

Answer 1

Well I was in a situation like this and I will tell you it isn't right for you to push his buttons especially knowing that he has a temper. However he should be able to handle his temper and he has now shown that he can't handle it. In my past relationship it went from that, to get upset and raising a hand like he was going to hit me, then he started throwing beer bottles at me (missing my head by inches), then he started throwing bigger things, punching holes in walls, till one day he flipped out and it was like a movie when I look back of a husband hitting his wife, he chased me up the stairs, punched me about 15 times on many places on my body, and then I finally got away just for him to bust my front door down, I stood there holding that door for dear life. He left but after we split up his temper was so bad at that point, I got at least 100 calls at my job with threats of killing me, he stalked me would ask who's house I was at, needless to say I had to get a restraining order and it's been about a year now. The whole point of this is to show you it can escalate and very quickly, you should get out while you can, don't stick around for love just to say you pushed in and you wanted to see if things would change, they could change, but possibly not the way you want them to. Good Luck!

Answer 2

He's a little afraid because he knows you pushed him past a threshhold he thought he had a handle on, and he's wisely reflecting on that to make sure that never happens again. If you all continue in this relationship, you both need to learn the value of fighting effectively...there have to be boundaries. No physical aggression is a given, but even beyond that, your fights should be productive, that is, they should be about the issues you're discussing and never about punishing each other or personal attacks. Sometimes getting up and walking away is the wisest thing a person can do...it gives time for cooler heads to assess a situation and affords an opportunity to stop things short of doing harm...that doesn't mean a person is shutting down, it just means they are responsibly taking in the situation at a rate they can handle. Anger management help is in order for both of you, not because you're messed up, but so you won't be. We've all seen things done badly...it's easier to break a habit by never developing it. Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

If a guy shows he will get physical with you, despite the fact you were obnoxious and pushed his buttons, you should immediately get out of the relationship. Just don't go there.

However, what the heck is going on with you, anyway?

Why do you need everything to be your way? What's this need for power in the relationship about?

Relationships should be fun and equal and not power plays.

Your neediness to get him to pay attention to you, even if it's negative, is insecurity at it's worst.


What you're doing to this guy isn't love. It's just you needing someone to tell you that you matter and that what matters to you matters.

Get out of this relationship and then go focus on a relationship with yourself. Learn to love yourself so you don't need someone to pay attention to you to feel worthy.

Only then will you be able to receive and return unconditional love and stop the power playing.

Answer 4

You need to give him more time period.

Respect the fact he needs time dont be selfish. Put your self in his shoes. The only thing you should make sure you do is tell him how you feel when he is ready he will talk to you your pushing him away by losing your cool.

Answer 5

no matter if you had words or not he should have never done that do not become another woman who is living a lie watch enough with Jennifer Lopez and then see how you feel get out of it while you can

Answer 6

Just give him some time. It's kind of hard to give you advice when he won't see you much. But it seems like he truly wants this to work, so give him a shot. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

Well you know the saying....If I got to put my hands on you, I shouldn't be with you. Sorry! Sometimes you got to let sleeping dogs lie.

Answer 8

You can be in a lot wors esituations then that but that situation can get worse and you have the classic... 'its my falet" that could get you killed i would dump him now!

Answer 9

i truthfully can't blame the guy. On the otherhand, this really depends on what the conversation was about.
what was the conv. about?