If any physiciatrists are reading this pleas help? I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!?

Question

I hate my life so much because I’m stupid I just had parents evening and looking at the grades I worked hard for all spell failure, I’ve been stupid since day one of school and I’ve tried so hard to change it but it’s not happening. I hate myself because I’m skinny people keep telling I’m skinny I keep denying it but now looking in the mirror all I see is skin and bone, I can’t put on weight because I have a high metabolism and its so depressing hearing it all the time people calling me skinny and its true. I hate myself because I cant do nothing with my life I know when I do my finish school I will have nothing to fall back on because I’m a failure, I've been playing basketball for 3 years now and I know its not taking me anywhere so when I finish school I will have nothing to fall back on.

I hate myself because I cant pull myself into telling the girl I love how I feel about her because she does could never like me in that way and I cant live like that, I’ve loved this girl for 6 years now and I haven't told her how I feel, I cant tell her how I feel because I already know what the answer will be after I tell her so what's the point. I’ve known this girl my entire life and I've been crying all the way through because I love her and it hearts inside knowing the consequences of my actions, I’ve never been out with a girl before because I cant forget about her, she makes my cry, she makes me happy, she's the only thing I have to live for in this world without her I don’t know what I would of done in the past, she is basically my heart. I hate my self so much for not telling her and I hate myself for loving her as well she's a pain she’s my cancer.

I hate my self so much because I cant change the way I am now,, I cant change the person I am, I cant change what I am now and I cant change the way I feel, soon I will have nothing to live for because one day I will tell her how I feel and I know I will hate myself from then on because I will be right for what will happen. God please help me please.

I dont know how long i can hold on for with all these feelings in me love, hate, confusion and sadness i seriously dont know how much i can tak and its tearing me appart

i'm 15 years old and live in england if anyone wants to know

Answer 1

It's so painful to read what you write. I can hear just how desperate you are feeling, just how bad you feel about yourself. It's very hard to write anything that will really reach you when you're feeling like this. I'm not a psychiatrist but I am a psychotherapist, which I think would be more use to you anyway as it's not medication you need most (which isn't to say that might not help a bit) but a context where you can talk and get to grips with the underlying issues.

Although you probably don't believe it now, and nothing I say will change that, you are in fact fine as you are. What is in need of change is how you feel about yourself. If there is a school counsellor, get yourself there. If your parents are the sort who might be willing to finance your going to a psychotherapist, find one through http://www.psychotherapy.org.uk or through your local CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, an NHS thing) - you may not qualify for referral as an NHS patient (though see below re seeing your doc), but they might be able to tell you/your parents of psychotherapists working locally that are experienced in working with people your age.

What do you really enjoy doing? I mean ANYTHING other than lying around in bed. If you like walking, go walking. If you like listening to music, listen to music. Think about how you would look after someone else if they were in the state you're in, and look after yourself like that. Find things you like doing well enough that involve being with other people, and do them (preferably not things that are competitive unless you know you're great at them!).

And go and see your doctor, if s/he is someone you feel OK with. Your parents do NOT have to know, though if you can talk to them at all, so much the better. The doctor may be able to refer you to someone (though it's likely to be a waiting list) and may be able to give you appropriate medication (though that is only a short-term way of soothing, not a long-term solution).

Answer 2

You sound terribly depressed... perhaps the first thing is letting someone know how you feel.. anyone you can trust if not a doctor who you can confide in. I know that life is worth living because there is always one person who loves you and would hate the thought of life without you. You may not be good with your grades but please try not to worry, school isnt the end of the world. You said you enjoy basketball so keep playing it! dont let anyone tell you you are a failure even yourself because you are only a failure if you give up and you havnt done that just yet. There are basketball academies you could go to and when you leave school you could always go and do your GCSE's at college again if you like. There are so many options available for you, you just have to look for them!

This girl who you love.. i empathise with you when you say you dont want to tell her because you are scared of rejection but how will you know if you dont try? if you have known her all your life and your feelings are this strong then even if the worst happened and she didnt want to be with you in that way then you know you tried and you can move on... you may not ever stop loving her but you can let others in to love you like you would have loved her. You deserve the love too and there is someone out there for you!

It may not be yourself you "hate". It may be these feelings about your life and if you could change those thoughts and feelings into something more positive then you will begin to see you are a very unique and interesting person... if she doesnt like you so what? if your parents are disappointed so what? as long as your happy thats all that matters.

Chin up! soooo much more for you to give in this life... school isnt the end.

Answer 3

I can tell you the same thing that many other people would have told you like, be positive, forget about it, love your self first, etc...
for some time in my life i felt the same way as u do and i tried every thing and got similar advices as you are getting and nothing did actully work..
And just one lucky day one thing came to my mind, i remember that how when i was close to god my problems had vanished few years back.
And than once again i looked towards the god i started believing firmly in god and as i came closer to god my problems just vanished and now i know what to do and what not to do.
About your love i will tell you to just go and tell her how much you love her don't let those feeling in your heart they will make you more and more emotional. Get the courage dont worry if you shiver or stammer just say it and you will feel very light after that. You should be proud of your self that you have the patience to love someone for such long time. Just tell her do not wait even a moment more. And do not mastrubate more than once in 40 days and slowly you will gain weight and confidence.
About your carrer, just concentrate on it give it priority.
You will never need any advice ever again if you try just one thing believe in god, remember god, keep his snap in your purse, think about him, visit any religious place of worship regluraly, read about god. Just try it once and see your life change for ever.
best wishes
human

Answer 4

Look dude, even if you're not good at school, find what you really like to do and just do it. Everyone's good at something. You might look into tech schools (instead of traditional college) because they have programs that are a lot more interesting to some people than just sitting for grades.
I used to hate myself, and hurt myself, and tell myself no guy would ever want me, and now I'm married to the most wonderful guy in the world and guess what....he's literally skin and bones, I'm not kidding! :) Trust me, it can get better. Not right away and not easily, but it does. Just hang in there. And even though it's hard, don't compare yourself to other people. Some girls think skinny guys are hot! :) you're gonna love that high metabolism when you're like 40 and everyone else is fat except you! Keep your head up dude!

Answer 5

You will have a chance to change who you are if you're really unhappy - when you leave school you can start at a college doing something you enjoy, when you're 16 you can move out and move away. If you do something like sports science at college, you'll meet a load of people who are just like you and like the same stuff as you and if you keep up the basketball, they'll all envy you because of your size - when did you ever see a beefy basketball player? It sounds like you look the part. You can learn all about sports as well as physical stuff like what happens to your heart rate etc when you exercise and how you can become a teacher of basketball and how to help people who have sprains etc.

If you really want to tell this girl how you feel, you should do it. She can only laugh at you and that'll last about a minute then it'll be forgotten, its better than another 6 years of pain. This is very unlikely because if she's really as great as you say she is, she'll be nice about your feelings and who knows, maybe she's liked you too and is too shy to admit it - boys are awful at picking up signs you know.

Answer 6

Rachel L is right! Seriously, kiddo, you need to talk to someone IMMEDIATELY. What you are experiencing right now is a deep depression, which can be extremely dangerous unless you get help.

Go speak to your parents NOW. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Maybe you could read your post to them?

Or, if your parents aren't supportive, call a suicide hotline. If you're in the US, call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255.

This is not your fault. These kinds of feelings are probably a result of a biochemical meltdown which was triggered by what's going on in your life lately. What you're feeling, real as it may seem, is NOT who you really are. Please trust the adults here. You are so young, you have tons of time, but obviously reading words on a screen isn't going to solve your problem.

You need the voice of a real person. Please call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 to get you through the next few days, but after that you MUST get some medical attention!

Answer 7

Hi there,

I am sorry you are feeling so distraught right now, my heart goes out toyou. I think you would need to see a psychologist or counsellor as apposed to a psychiatrist to talk about your feelings and how to manage them a bit better. I think people who don't have the problem of being skinny can't understand it very well, i mayself have never had your problem, infact the opposite and i battle eating disorders but it can be tough and make you self counscious and i think perhaps you need some dietary advice on this from your gp but also counselling as you need some way of venting these emotions.

best of luck, please seek some help, its nothing to be ashamed or worried about!
x

Answer 8

Hun you need to get yourself some help NOW. I want you to call 911 if you have to. Tell your parents how your feeling and if they dont believe you then call 911. Tell them that your having suicidal thoughts and they will come get you and take you to a place that will help you. I promise things will not get any easier if you dont.
You need to get help. And listen your not stupid. Every one feels like that once in their lifes until some one comes along and helps them realize their not. I had these problems before and I felt that I was just no one to any one and no one cared. But I found out that I was wrong about that and there were people that cared about me and that I could rely on.
Your problem with the girl isnt anything you need to worry about right now. You need to fix you befoer you can be in any type of relationship with any one. You need to start loving your self before any one can truly love you like that. Your parents must care about you and I dont think your giving them enough credit. We are not mind readers and if you act like things are ok then how will they know there is a problem?

Answer 9

stop that please..you don't have to say you hate yourself, this is the worst crime you could do to yourself & it's not fair of you to say tjat becuase you are a child of God as we all are & no child of God deserves hatred of self..instead as hard as it might seem, start saying I love & approve of myself...
I know life is very tough sometimes but you have to get stronger...if you really want to change your life, start by changing what you say to yourself 7 your thoughts..for example instead of saying I hate myself, say I love myself, go against your negativity..the negativity in this world tried to pull us down & we must NOT allow it to do so..fight, fight , fight..
I am think also & sometimes people have said , behind my back, I am thin.. if they said it to my face, I'd say to them, that's my buisness & I love being thin, I'm comfortable like this..do you have a problem with that? I don't tell you about your weight, you might be over-weight or whatever..
they'll soon learn to mind their own buisness!
please read this book, it'll help you alot..if you just put in the mental effort, you'll go far, I promise you..
the book is called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L Hay
you can get it quite cheap on amazon.

Answer 10

Since you requested God to help you, you will be helped! Pl. rest assured and let God help you now!

REIKI is being sent to you for showing you your mistakes in perception, and for showing you the path.

You will feel well from this very moment a different person all together. Allow God to work His magic.

Email me for more personal advice. All FREE.