What do you think about guys that propose, but don't set a date for years?

Question

People can do what they want I suppose. Doesn't it seem like the guy wants to put the women on "lay-away"? I have a few friends like this, my fiance and I joke about it and he even says "those guys are leading them on".

We set a date within a month of being engaged. My friend Josh has been "engaged" for years, and they still haven't set a date.

Answer 1

men who propose with no time frame in mind for marriage are just saying what their chick wants to hear with out any intentions of coming through with a wedding. they are just getting the girl off their backs.

Answer 2

Dr. Laura (with whom I usually disagree) says, "if you don't have a ring and a date, you're not really engaged." I disagree about the ring part. But if you don't have the date set within a few months, I don't consider a couple truly engaged. Engaged means "engaged to be married" and if this is not followed up with ACTION (e.g. actually planning a wedding), then it's not truly an engagement.

As for wanting to put the women on "lay-away" ITA and couldn't say it any better! These guys are leading the woman on, giving the impression of committing w/o really committing, and trying to keep other guys away at the same time. It's also passive aggressive: Tell someone what they want to hear, but do what the hell you want.

Answer 3

Maybe they like it their way. Maybe they think if they actually ever do marry, the magic will leave their relationship.
Telling people they are engaged allows the social acceptance of their advanced relationship, and none of the negativity of singles living together on their own. They can be boorish and aggravating, which your friends most likely aren't. They don't want to be grouped with living together group.
It isn't the best way for most, although there may be personal reasons for one or both partners, where this unique arrangement works for them. The quesy feeling you get about it, is probably related to something which their arrangement allows healing for them, and to stay together. I wouldn't delve any further or worry your pretty little head about it. You've done the right thing and set a date.

If your friends bf is abusing her, or cheating on her, or using her for housing and not contributing his share of the relation, then it isn't right. Maybe they eloped a long time ago, and don't want anyone to know. For some, the social commitment can be damning (I don't know why, it just is for some)

Answer 4

Well, they don't mean it - often just get engaged to get the girl off their back, so she's not nagging anymore. Often, the couples are shacking up...
I'm always more concerned for the woman in that kind of situation - just why she can't open her eyes to what's going on - and hope that she just doesn't think that all guys are like that, or that she's 'settling'. (Read 'independent's answer, who is just hangin' on..... )
My husband and I set a date shortly after getting engaged, as soon as we could book the church, and were engaged eight months. My mom was really wise, and always told me that a woman isn't officially engaged until she has a ring and a date for the wedding. Now that I'm older, it makes total sense!

Answer 5

Fake Plastic Tree, Your fiance and I agree ! But the women should not allow it . They are actually the ones that are in control.Tell them to just stop putting out until the date is set !

Answer 6

my fiance set date for six moths ago -the wedding was all planned and just as we were picking out invitations to send out about a month before the wedding he changed it to this fall and now he's changed it four times...the date is currently set for four years away...it is no longer an engagement to me : it's torture!
I know he's pulling me along by a string of hope-that I've become his safety net...but still I love him...we've been fighting so much lately...marriage isn't the only promise he makes and then breaks...I gave him til the end of the summer to change; in the meantime I've started looking at apartment prices and employment opportunities back home because if by the end of the summer something doesn't change I will be going home and starting my life over w/out him in it...I won't end up like his father : his father was engaged to a woman for seven years and during that time she lived in his house with her three devil children and he raised those children for her and he paid for all of her bills thinking that she loved him; it took him seven years to realize that she would never marry him and that she was just using him...now he hurts...he dates other women but he still loves her and I don't want to end up with that kind of hurt

Answer 7

i am completely against it...it seems that some people forget that "engaged" is short for "engaged to be married".

and to me, if you are enagaged, it means you are actively planning a wedding.

this is why, even though my guy and i are sure we are going to get married, we are not yet engaged...

i think some people just do this so that they can get what they want or justify their relationship without making the real commitment - marriage.

Answer 8

Can't people just getting engaged when they like and why should we have pressure to get married within a time frame, can't people just get married when they want to !!!

I have been engaged to my partner for 3 years and we are very happy, marriage is on the cards at some stage, at some time but it is not the top of our agenda, we love one another and treat one another as husband and wife.

We are happy just as we are at the moment.

Answer 9

My husband and I picked a date before we were even officially engaged. I think agree with your fiance.

Answer 10

Sometimes people have to wait until they an afford it or finish their studies. But sometimes I think the guy just does it to shut up his girlfriend on the marriage thing.....gives him a few more years to get away with prolonging the marriage.