I have 20 year old daughter who has a 20 year old bf. They both attend the same college a few hours away. We live 15 minutes away from his home (he lives with parents). They wanted to go to California for a few days on spring break to visit my parents (staying at their home). No problem. I purchased 2 tickets to Cali for them. My parents were preparing for their visit when my daughter’s bf told her his momma said he couldn’t go. She was upset that I purchased her son a ticket without asking her first. Was I wrong for purchasing a ticket for a 20 year old college student who just so happens to live with his parents?
2007-07-07 08:05:50 · 22 answers · asked by Lisa E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No you were not. This is an adult, why should you seek permission from his parents. His mother has to cut the umbilical cord and let her son have his own life. Granted he still lives with his parents but he is going to college and should have the support of his parents. Tell his Mother to get a life and stop babying him.
2007-07-07 08:11:25 · answer #1 · answered by CRAIG C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The difficulty with this one is that even though the boy is 20 and should be adult enough to make his own decisions. He does still live at home while in college and probably gets financial help with schooling from his parents. It would have been better if both parents talked about the trip before the tickets were purchased to make sure there would be no problems later on.
2007-07-07 08:27:30 · answer #2 · answered by tuls 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, a 17 year old will be an 18 year old very soon, and will be considered a full adult under the law. And really, I would say that at 17 I would have done my best to instill my values and life lessons in her for a very long time and if she hadn't gotten it by then she isn't going to. So I would be rather foolish, I think, to try to prevent her from making her own decision to live with him. It would more than likely only create a wedge between us, or deepen it if one was already there, and set the stage for a very bad scene. So I would simply let her know that I didn't think it was a good idea, but let her make her own mind up even if I didn't like it. I have a 13 year old daughter, btw.
2016-05-20 23:15:19 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's 20 and his parents are still dictating where he can and can't go?
That's really sad.
I have a 21 yr old son and if his girlfriend's parents bought him a ticket to take a trip with her, and they didn't tell me first, I wouldn't be upset with them--but I would be a little upset with my son if HE didn't tell me about the trip first.
But maybe their son didn't tell them about the trip because they have such a stranglehold over his life that he doesn't like confiding in them about anything any more.
Anyway, I don't see that any fault lies with you. It is perfectly reasonable of you to expect that the son would tell his parents of the trip. You should not be expected to know what a 20 yr old man's parents are thinking or not thinking.
He's 20!-- he should be a little more responsible for himself.
His parents are over-reacting. If they are upset because they would have preferred to purchase his ticket, tell your daughter you would be happy to take a reimbursement for the ticket.
If it is that his parents don't want him going anywhere by himself or with his girlfriend....then there's a problem and I feel a definite sympathy for your daughter, being stuck in this situation.
I hope the boy will approach his parents like an adult and tell them he expects them to start treating him like an adult and that he is going on the trip with or without their blessing, because he's an adult now and has to make his own choices.
He should tell them he loves them but they need to give him space to make these choices and live his life.
Good parents would realize it is time to give the boy some space.
2007-07-07 08:16:53 · answer #4 · answered by grrluknow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't 'just so happen to live with them.' As long as he lives under their roof, he should follow their rules, particularly since they're probably footing the bill for school.
What you did was undermine their authority and by the tone of your question, you don't even see that, which is sad.
You don't say if you've met the parents. For all we know, you are a stranger to them, that just paid a few hundred bucks for a ticket to another state and didn't even check in with them.
You're acting more like a friend than a parent.
He isn't living in a hotel. He lives with them. You should have some respect for that.
2007-07-07 08:12:56 · answer #5 · answered by mrpeachycat 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The mother of this 20 yr old student has still got her apron strings tied around 'ol johnny boy there. She also has sepperation issues. No you weren't wronge in any sense of the word. Chances are that you would have gotten an earful from mommy dearest if you HAD of checked it out with her anyway as she sounds like the over protective mother from hell. Don't let it bother you. There have to be people like her in this world or we wouldn't have them to laugh at.
2007-07-07 08:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you were not in the wrong. If one of my children had the opportunity to go , I would be happy for them. I think the son should have said something to his parents. So maybe next time to be on the safe side ask first. Just to keep the waters calm.
2007-07-07 08:15:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anna Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. No, you're not wrong. He's an adult. You would figure the boy could make his own decisions. Don't feel bad about another parent's over-protectiveness. If anything, he should have been the one communicating with his parents before you purchased the tickets. It is not your place to ask another adult's parents if he could go somewhere. No worries! I think it's awesome you were doing that for them!
2007-07-07 08:13:41 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i guess you were wrong. you should have asked her since he still lives at home..he must be a mommas boy and she wants to know his whereabouts at most times. maybe its a clue that hes in college and still living at home as opposed to living in a dorm. maybe youre only considered to be grown when youre no longer living in your parents house according to that family. you know the saying..my house my rules. i guess he should have gotten permission from his parents before deciding. either way i think she would have still said no because she probably wouldnt have paid for him to go.
2007-07-07 08:28:03 · answer #9 · answered by sweetness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As parents no matter what we do it is wrong. Give his mom a call and apologize, (yes even if you where not wrong) and explain that you just thought it would be nice to meet some of the extended family. Have a good talk with her. sooth her mind and she will probably change it.
2007-07-07 08:12:39 · answer #10 · answered by Pengy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋