Why is it wrong for a woman to deny a man to see his children after a breakup?

Question

It seems some people question women who deny a man the right to see his kid, but it does not operate as a two way street is the problem. If a woman is with a man who treats her like gold, but abuses her kids, the woman is asked how dare she date a man who is rude to her kids. And she is told not to see him again even though he is good to her. But yet, when a man is rude to the woman and nice to the kid, how come no one ever asked the kid to stay away from the father, and how could a kid like a man who is rude to his mother. How come the mother and kid are treated as a all-or-nothing package when only the kids are being abused, but are looked at as two separate cases when only the women is being abused. Why is it not acceptable for a woman to just hide her kids from an abusive boyfriend but still continue to date him, the same way a woman is asked to stay out of the picture when ex-hubby/boyfriend somes to pick up the kids. Why the biased treatment and sacrifice not asked of men?

Okay Joscelyn C, let's take your theory and run with it "just because it didn't work out between the woman , does not mean the kids have to suffer" . So if a woman is dating a man who is mean to her kids, just because it doesn't work out between him and the kids, why does SHE have to suffer.

Dr Phil is an oversensitive idiot with no children yet thinks he can advise people who do have children. He also gets upset and hostile when anyone tried to give him advise, he is creepy and weird and his only job is as a lowly talk show host. Big deal. The person who allows himself to be abused is not as bad as the person who is abusing. People don't "allow" themselved to get abused just like women don't "allow" themselves to get raped. You must be a Muslim with those sick views.

Answer 1

it is not wrong for a woman to deny a man to see his children after a breakup in all circumstances...if the man continues supporting the child(ren) then he does deserve some rights to visitation, however, if the man doesnt support the child(ren) then visitation would be completely denied until he decides to pay up for his kids

Answer 2

"Why is it wrong for a woman to deny a man to see his children after a breakup?"

Assuming the breakup was not due to violence, abuse, heavy drug and alchohol use, until that person gets help visitation would be limited only in those cases, otherwise it is wrong for a woman
or a man to deny the children of getting to know their parents. This goes for a man or woman who had been around the kids and taken care of them for a long time acting as a parent.

I was a child of such and I know this is not only difficult but unfair. I think sometime the woman or man is controlling/possesive of the children because she/he may be afraid of what is said about eachother from the other party.

Regarding "If a woman is with a man who treats her like gold, but abuses her kids, and she is told not to see him again even though he is good to her"

This wouldn't even be a question because anyone who abuses a woman or anything, does not or could not love anything including children because they don't love
and respect themself.

It is a shame that it does not always operate two ways as you said. I've noticed women tend to get their way more because they are the "mother". Men aren't often asked the same responsibilities.

"How come no one ever asked the kid to stay away from the father, and how could a kid like a man who is rude to his mother."

Children do not know any better and follow the role model of their parents or often the parent leaving no choice for them.

As I saw once on Dr. Phil, a person who allows the abuse is the same as the abuser. It is a parents job to make sure their children are protected.

Answer 3

Because unless there is some documented, compelling reason barring a man from seeing his child, he has a legal right to do so, that's why. For every situation in which there is an actual cause that would preclude a man from seeing his children there is also another situation in which the children are used by the woman as leverage against the man to manipulate his actions or to cause him pain. The law doesn't want to be involved with all of that...they require proof of allegations of unsuitability for either parent, and if that proof does not exist, there is no legal cause to prevent visitation. Period.

Answer 4

If the ex is good to the kids why would anyone want to keep the kids away from there dad. That is cruel. Kids need both parents in there life if possible, to grow up complete. My son is 13 & his dad took off when he was 1, he doesnt even know him but is always talking about him, he is 13 now & at that age a boy needs his dad. it is very heart breaking, Even tho he was awful to me I would never take that out on my son having a realtionship with his father.

Answer 5

Children are routinely removed from both parents when one parent is allowing the other to abuse them.

Are you saying you want a relationship with your children's father, but to have the father not in their lives? Good for you, but I think it's setting up your kids for really dysfunctional ideas of what a healthy relationship is.

**You wrote in your update:

"Dr Phil is an oversensitive idiot with no children yet thinks he can advise people who do have children."

He actually has two sons of his own, so find a new argument.

Answer 6

you have to be mature about the fact that the child has a life that needs to develop with a mother and father. Just because he is not treating you right doesnt mean he will not be there for your children. The truth hurts sometimes and it is hard to accept but your children need him. You may be heartbroken and want to hurt him by keeping him away but it is just you being selfish. Believe me I want to do the same thing sometimes but it is not about me. You can find another man but they can not find another biological father. Your time with him has passed and you need to give him the opportunity to love his kids if that is what he wants to do. Alot of men dont even want to do that. Stop involving yourself with him emotionally. Keep conversation based on your children and not your feeling about him or how he treats you. I know it is hard but it is life .

Answer 7

Someone that's abusive is more likely to be abusive to everyone eventually. They aren't safe for kids to be around.

I don't think I get your question though, and I'm not going to read through it again because it has about 12 questions in there and I just don't think I'd give a better answer then the one I gave.

Answer 8

you have many heavy questions here....

you are very emotional now through this turmoil you are going through.

when the storm is over, and all he dust settles. you will know. and i think you will calmly approach your life as it is.

the loss of love, irregardless of the cause is horrible...for all of us.

my biggest thing was to protect the kids from hurting. i think a dad, ( most dad's) are good. after all. alot of people don't have any kind of dad.

as long as he is not some crazy guy... let him see his kids, it is his blood too. don't be selfish like that because you are upset towards him.
(think about it...once you loved him alot...there is something good you can find in him) if not even from looking into the eyes of your children.

Answer 9

A woman is stupid for dating a man who mistreats her kids but is good to her.Why? He is going to become MORE involved in her life, if she won't dump him after he mistreats her kid, she will sit by while he abuses them after she moves him in with her.Only a STUPID woman would date a guy like this.Only a low life would mistreat a child.If he abuses the woman and she puts up with it, she DESERVES IT. If a guy is good to her and the kids he should not be denied to see them if they break up.If it is HIS children.If he is a druggie loser then the kids do NOT need to be around him.They probably do not need to be with HER either if she is going to CONTINUE to pick these kind of men.

Answer 10

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