I just had a huge blow out with my mother. Is it me or her or both. I have been needing alot of help from my

Question

mother (finacially and emotionally)because In my 6month preg my husband left. I have been accepting alot of help from her and she try to run my life. I know that there are times I acted like a baby because I know she would come running I regret that. I just didn't want to take care of anything taking her help was much easier. My husband and I have separated a muiltude of times and now I am done. I don't think anybody believes that. Every decision I make that I dicuss with my older sis she suggest that i run it by my mom first. That makes me crazzy. I recently got a better paying job and I am trying to get my bills stragiht, one day she just burst out how I don't appreciate her and I never offered her anything. I asked her if she wanted back the money she has given me she says no. She says she wants to feel appreicated, I come over and visit her I bring dinner, I treat her to dinner or lunch when we are out. I don't know how to please her. I thank her for all the help she me

What else does she want, she says she doesn't want anything back. She knows that i am still struggling, but i do try to compensate her and my sisters. She has accused me of not caring about her when every time she needed me to do anything I did it not out of obligation but because I was truly concerned ie. her heater was malfunctioning I sat over her house all morning waiting for that man to come but he called her and told her the afternoon was better and I had a class that afternoon so I couldn't stay. She says that I try to make her believe she is forgetful but I don't really remember the situaion she was speaking of and she just acted like she could remember every little detail. She says I want to hurt her and the only person I care about is my husband. I don't know why she would think that way. When he was home I had to learn how to spread myself out to her to him for our family and my sis's. She went out of town and my baby was going with her and in the train station she

made a commit that she was only going to watch my baby half the time. she was visiting her cousin who has 10 brothers and I was afraid of my kid being around all those men, she knows why. Why would she say that, I know I need to come to terms to what happen to me but why would she make light of it. She wants me to just get over it, I want to I just dont know how. And I dont think we are ever going to be okay until I do. She told me that she will not change (bossy, opionated,) why does she think she can just push me into getting through that. Just POOF! I love her but right now, I don't know what to do about us, if I stay away she will say I trying to keep her from the baby and she will probably think me and my husband was back together. She says I am paronoid but I think she is too by the things she says like she doesn't have anyone to depend on. With all the molesters in this world who wouldn't be afraid for there children. She is also a victim as I am, how can she not unde

Answer 1

"I just didn't want to take care of anything taking her help was much easier."

it sounds like you were not ready to be married or live out on your own with that attitude. your mother is just trying to help you, but then you won't take her advice. it sounds like you have your hand open, but you don't want to listen to the person giving it to you.


your mother is right, i would not feel appreciated either. you can say the words thank you, but actions speak louder than words.

Answer 2

Lets see, you are pregnant and hormonal, and your mom is most probably hormonal too. Surprised? She may very well be perimenopausal, or even menopausal. Its very common for women in that age group to feel over used and under appreciated. A woman in that age group feels stressed by all the help a pregnant daughter who has a bad husband has and all the things that are laid at her door. Try to handle more thing on your own, you have to grow up, you will have a baby of your own and making your mother responsible for you and your baby could be more than she wants. When you step up and take more responsibility for your life, she won't be in a position she doesn't want to be in, that of actively mothering an adult. You should realize you aren't only angry at what you perceive to be your mothers interference, but your own inability to make your own decisions. She doesn't want your money, she wants you to grow up. Money is the easy part, shes worried you will stay a child even after you have a child. She will calm down, you will eventually give birth, all of you can cut each other a break at such a stressful time. But really, don't keep asking her and then get annoyed when she answers, that would drive anyone nuts.

Answer 3

I think you should try to understand that this is all pretty hard on your mother too. That was nice of you to bring her dinner, but maybe some flowers too next time. Or just sitting her down and telling her all about how much you appreciate and thank her for her support would probably go a long way. And if she's helping you out as much as she is, she probably is going to try to control your life a bit....not to mention that's what mothers tend to do anyways. Stick with it and keep working hard so that you can stand on your own two feet!

Answer 4

Ok you need to understand what this is like for your mother too instead of always what's it's like for you.

Yes it's Hard But No Parent wants to see there child go through stuff like this

And the Fact that even you said I just didn't want to take care of anything taking her help was much easier Says something to me that maybe your mom warned you about this but you didn't listen

I've Been in abusive relationships before and it was hell for my parents to see there daughter being treated like that but they respected me enough to let me break the cycle on my own

Yea that happens in abusive relationships you seperate you get back together multiudes of times on the hope that maybe he'll change but wise up girl they don't change unless they want to change

You have to accept that you allowed others to run your life it's not just them you have a part in this too

Abuse in any form is never right or acceptable but if i was your mom i wouldn't feel appreciated either

Try walking a day in her shoes before you condem her in that she 's been worried sick about you and a part of her died every time you got hurt and was half expecting a phone call that something had happened to you

I know with my Husband that i am filing for divorce from alll i gotta do now is sign the papers my mom and dad took me to the hospital i don't know how many times because of him i 'm sure they were half expecting a phone call from the cops that i'd been found hurt or worse

Cut Her Some Slack Girl , Listen to her advice she can help you to avoid major pitfalls and keep you from screwing up your life anymore than it already has been

How would you feel if that was your child going through all that

Come on girl I don't mean in anyway to sound mean or cold but maybe it's time to get out of yourself and start listening to her and others and if you don't understand something ask

Lets face it we'll never fully understand what our parents go through till we are parents ourselves

But No Parent Wants to see there child hurt

I say listen to her , finally

Answer 5

As a parent we do not really attempt to run your life, just give advise, not always what you want to hear but many of us have been there, or seen that, and the consequences of those actions, and we hate to see our children suffer. Offer her a hug and tell her how much you appreciate what she has tried to do for you. Words are strong things. Good luck to you

Answer 6

Sounds to me as though there are "issues" from years ago.

You could try attending Al-anon meetings (for the friends and families of alcoholics and other addicts). I attend meetings and they have taught me to accept myself and grow tremendously. I have found a place where other people have similar issues and have overcome them. The meetings do not teach you how to change another person, but teach you how to maximize your own good qualities and how to ignore/accept other peoples' stupidity.

Answer 7

Start taking her advice.I bet she told you to dump your ex LONG before you married.I bet she told you NOT to marry the bum.Now listen to her, she will help you to keep from screwing up your life more than you have already.