Do you blame the kids, or their parents?

Answer 1

For what?

Answer 2

Um... depends on what is the issue. As a mom to a child who has sensory integration issues, I understand now why when my son was a toddler (he's 7 now) had issues with bath time, or crowded places. Little things would set him off. I would have handled some of those instances differently had I known then.

If a child cannot behave in public, and is not listening to directions, the best thing to do is remove him/her from the situation -- and I know some parents don't do that. But that doesn't mean that they have caused the child to act out.

Parenting is complicated -- it's a matter of putting together puzzle pieces sometimes to figure out why a child is acting out (did a relative or friend just put him/her down, or do something without including the child? Is the child seeking attention (subconsciously negative attention is better than no attention), or are there family issues in which the child doesn't feel in control? -- these are just a few of the many things that can affect a child).

The key is to observe what is happening in a non-judgemental way. If you are a by-stander, and can see that a parent has his/her hands full with one or more kids, you can offer to help. You might be turned down, but sometimes you won't be. If you are a teacher, or a pre-school teacher and you have a really "difficult" child, you might want to find positive ways in which to interact with the child instead of having only reprimands and time outs be the main interaction. Again, depends on the situation.

So... there are a lot of shades of gray between "blaming" the kids, or "blaming" the parents.

Answer 3

It really depends on the issue. My neighbors kid has gone down the wrong path in life. Because I know the parents and know how about their family life I can not put the blame on them. They have done what they need to do but it comes down to the child making the wrong decisions. (Also they have two other children that have chosen the right path)

Answer 4

Usually the parents. Because if you are put in situation of blaming someone for the child doing something wrong, it is usually because the child is unsupervised.

However I did have one experience in the mall a while back with my own child where he just needed to go home and we couldn't get to an exit fast enough. My son is three, and had a few temper problems after his baby brother was born, we cought him on one of his bad days, and he threw a fit right in the middle of the mall. I tried carrying him but he was kicking me and screaming in my ear, so I grabbed him by the hand and lead him out instead. While my mother in law took the baby to the car in front of us. On our way out, a rude stranger decided to comment on my bad parenting, and what a brat of a child my son was. The fact is I have a very well behaved child, and he never acts this way. The stranger had no right to judge me or my child. I was quite upset. So there are situations where no one is to blame. I did the right thing. I was on my way out of the mall, and that person had no idea what was going on. They just decided in the 1 minute they saw me coming that I was a parent who had no control over my child.

Answer 5

DO we blame them for what? Getting pregnant?

Thats tough...If parents inform their kids about sex and pregnancy and the kids still do not protect themselves then its the kids fault. But I do feel that alot of kids are not getting the right information from their parents and relying too much on their peers for knowledge. In which case I would say the parents are to "blame" so to speak.

Answer 6

Blame them for what?
If you're talking about a child ending up to be a spoiled little brat, I blame the parents.

Answer 7

depends.
I grew up with a girl with great parents. SHe was always grounded when she needed to be, she had to dress appropriately, be in the hous at a certain time ,had to do chores, keep grades a certain way, no boys til she was old enuf, even in h.s. they were supervised. she still had a great relationship with her mom. her mom was always there to talk.

But she was a CONSTANT screw up. She had every opportunity in life and she has blown them all. i dont blame her parents at all. they did everything right. Some ppl are just born stupid.

Answer 8

before i had kids, i always blamed the parents

now i realize there are alot more variables

depending on the age and the "crime", usually i look at the parents..... sometimes "kids will be kids"

Answer 9

Most of the times is the parents... if from birth the kid hasn't been taught any discipline or rules then is not kids fault they are disobedient or unruly when they grow up.

Answer 10

The parents first, and then the kids.

Answer 11

Both. Parents can only take children so far in life. Eventually it is up to the child to own up to his/her failures.