She drank when we dated but now she drinks on a daily basis and can drink more than my guy friends. Should i do anything about it or just leave it alone? My question is: to what degree am I responsible?
2007-07-07 06:44:53 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Food & Drink ➔ Beer, Wine & Spirits
sorry I meant is it my responsibility to do anything about it.
2007-07-07 06:46:57 · update #1
No. It's her life to do with as she pleases. If she asks for help, then you can offer it, but nobody will change unless they really want to.
2007-07-07 06:51:15 · answer #1 · answered by cigarsnbrew 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Legally you are not responsible. I’d say because you are asking the question that you have some guilt about it. You cannot make someone that is an adult stop drinking. If you still have feelings for her I’d try to hook her up with some help by contacting churches and/or programs that have help for that in her area. Sometimes the biggest problem an alcoholic has is admitting it and they need more people to talk with them about their denials. Contact any and all people she has ties to. Family is best if they are not drinking them selves and many times that is the problem too. You have to stay away from drinking partners because alcoholics use that for an excuse to drink. The degree of responsibility on your part is only as what you put on yourself. Look at the future of how you will feel if you don’t do anything, and then look at how good you will feel if you help her get her life back.
2007-07-07 13:57:46 · answer #2 · answered by Gary S 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't understand...
Why would it be your responsibility to help your EX-girlfriend get rid of her nasty drinking habits?!?
It almost sounds as if you're experiencing feelings of guilt or something.
Why should you?
Did you drive her to drink?
Have you ever pushed her or encouraged her to drink?
Your former girlfriend is a grown woman, I gather?
Therefore she is and should be 100% for her own ill actions, am I right?
Personally, I don't think that it is your duty to do anything about it unless...
Unless you have now become relatively good & close friends, maybe?
If that is indeed the case, you could always help her AS A FRIEND, why not?
But then again, do you know how to help alcoholics?
It's a disease, you know...
Here's a link that might interest you, who knows?
Good luck with your little dilemma & personal project, lol!
2007-07-07 17:34:36 · answer #3 · answered by Lolita 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still care about her, just try to be there for her when (or IF) she ever sobers up for a day or two and needs a friend. Other than that, there's not a whole lot you can do. On "reality TV" they do interventions, but I often wonder how successful a forced intervention could possibly be - no one can truly get well unless THEY want help! A person is going to do what they want to do regardless of what the people around them, who care about them, think. Take care, and good luck with things!
2007-07-07 14:50:25 · answer #4 · answered by AGT 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So YOU are the guy that dated her after we broke up.... :) j/k
But I broke up with an alcoholic a few years ago. I could possibly be labelled as one myself, but she was amazing. At first, I thought she was just good at lying and making excuses for her drinking. I came to find out that she was SO deep in denial, that she actually believed the crazy things she would say. She would drink from 5 PM until bartime, wake up sick the next day, call in sick for work, and then actually believe that the alcohol had nothing to do with how she was feeling.
Our last night together, she came home wasted and was bitching at me because I would have a drink at home, but wouldn't spend all night with her at the bar. We got in a argument because I had to get to sleep, and she called the cops and told them I was beating her. I never touched her. The cops didn't believe it either and took her away. The next day, she called from jail and asked me to apologize for beating her. I said, "Um, don't you remember, I didn't touch you...." She said, "Oh yeah".
It was hard breaking up and took months to get over, but I am SO happy that I haven't even talked to her in years. SO HAPPY. I guess she got 3 DUIs in the year following our breakup. None of that was my responsibility, even though I felt like it was at the time.
2007-07-07 14:49:23 · answer #5 · answered by Charlie Mack 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know about the term "responsibility" but trying to talk with her would be the right thing to do if she is still your friend. If you are no longer friends, then I wouldn't touch that problem with a 10 foot pole! Maybe you could ask someone in her family or a close girlfriend of hers to talk to her about it? EVen if you do talk to her about it, odds are good you can't help her much until she is ready to help herself.
2007-07-07 13:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by Brenda T 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing anyone can do to force an alcoholic to seek help. They have to be "sick and tired of being sick and tired". You are in no way responsible to coax her in a direction, in fact, she would simply end up resenting you more. Move on with your life.
-MM (sober 6 1/2 years)
2007-07-07 13:56:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, ur not responsible for her, she's responsible for herself! Besides, she's ur ex. Not ur responsibility anymore. I would just leave her alone. If she's alcoholic then there's nothing anyone can do until she recognises that she has a problem.
2007-07-07 16:43:11 · answer #8 · answered by kiwi_mum1966 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well first everyone is responsible for themselves, but some people need help.... I think that if you still care for her and you guys are friends then you should help her or you might want to get her help or talk to her friends to get her help I hope this helps and good luck!
2007-07-07 14:02:01 · answer #9 · answered by tatuoct 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am in a very similar situation and it sucks. You will never be able to convince her to stop drinking, she needs to decide that for herself. For now, I would advise living your life as you would otherwise. If you ever hang out or try to get back together, refuse to support her addiction.
2007-07-07 17:29:48 · answer #10 · answered by what? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you need to help her. Once you are an alchohalic, you are for llife and drinking in moderation can turn into trouble. It sounds like she alrady has a problem again.
2007-07-07 14:39:18 · answer #11 · answered by redrosepetal 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋