My fiance & I will be hosting our wedding reception at home. I am excited, but worried about the behaviors of some family members, &I want to be gracious in preventing/responding. To give you an idea:
1) My brother gave the finger to a guest of mine in the past: apparently the guest "took" my brother's parking spot.
2) My father lies &badly, too, e.g., he tells everyone I am a university researcher even though he knows full well that I teach at a community college. I confronted him on this in the past ("What the hell, dad?"), & he says he's getting old: he's only 64, & his memory is fine--he's lied all his life unnecessarily; this is not new).
3) My sister &mother have a nasty habit of making snide comments within hearing distance of the people they dislike, & then deny that they said anything.
None of them drink; this is just how they are in the world. I live a few hundred miles away, so they only know a few of my other guests. I'll introduce them, & then...Suggestions? Thanks!!
2007-07-07 06:33:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Ah, family! Sure wish we had some magic advice for you. If I were you, I'd tell my family just how important this day is to me and ask them to try to be on their best behavior. I'd tell them that this is the one wedding gift that you want and expect of them.
I'd also make a point of telling my friends that my family is a little wacky. To expect almost anything. Perhaps they will then come expecting to be amused and entertained.
Of course, you know something will happen. Then a lot depends on you. If you show embarrassment, then your friends will be embarrassed for you and uncomfortable. But if you can take it in stride and just show your own amusement, then your friends will likely do the same.
Lastly, know in your heart that those who truly love you will never judge you based upon the antics of your family. Have a wonderful day and just don't worry about it too much.
2007-07-07 17:25:35 · answer #1 · answered by Tom K 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. That reminds me of my wedding reception when one of my brothers swung at my limo driver because he got lost following the limo and had to go back to the hotel to get directions.
Then he came into the reception hall just as they were announcing the happy couple and started screaming about the injustices of the world and I had to take him outside and calm him down.
Another brother was making no secret that he was smoking grass right outside the door (and inviting guests to join him) and my best friend's husband was tucking Bible tracts into all the centerpieces and telling the DJ he was going to hell for playing secular music. He stopped the DJ on the floor leading the bunny hop to tell him that, by the way.
He also took a moment to tell my new husband not to let me have the upperhand and to keep me in submission. I was married all of an hour!
This is how I look at it: You can't control these people. When your friends come over to you and retell you something that happened, just shake your head and say,
'they're uh..interesting, aren't they' and change the subject.
Whatever you do, don't dwell on it!
2007-07-07 06:45:36 · answer #2 · answered by mrpeachycat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard thing to say, but I'd tell your family ahead of time that you will NOT tolerate any uncouth behavior. Naturally, someone will slip up, but just take it with stride. Go with the flow and try not to stress yourself out too much over it. If it happens, well, it happens. Most of us have family members that are sometimes annoying or embarrassing, so most people should understand. I know I would.
Good luck.
2007-07-07 08:54:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll ............. if it were at all possible I would suggest having a small family dinner/reception and then have a nice home reception for your friends after your family has all returned to their homes. If that is not possible, I would warn my friends that my family is rather uncouth and ask them in advance to please try and excuse it and not be offended. Failing that possibility, I would seriously consider eloping and sending out notices after the fact. Sorry, but having uncouth or rude family members at my wedding reception or in my home is just not something I would want to do!!
2007-07-07 07:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by naniannie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make it very clear to your family you love them and want to include them in your life. But their behavior in the past has caused you to re-think whether this is possible since their bad behavior has affected your future -in-laws.
Tell them this is not acceptable and you may have exclude them from future family gathering if this occurr again.
Then follow through.
If they continue to be rude, do not included them. If this happens then eventually they will understand their behavior has to change.
But be very firm, very clear. And follow through.
But people do not judge you by your parents if you behave in a correct manner.
If you find this happens even after your warning, you may need to find another [ more civilized] family member to intercede for you at the gathering.
But do not allow it to continue, or this type of behavior continues and can escalate and divide the family.
2007-07-07 06:44:46 · answer #5 · answered by sasha1641 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Family are Family, getting them to change their ways is not going to work unless they want to do it. Getting them into the basic may be a start but not an answer. You have got to be the example and just be YOUR self in these affairs. You cannot control another persons actions no matter what. So buck up and be the best you can be.
2007-07-07 06:53:22 · answer #6 · answered by Tracey Wood 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go to each one of your family members who you think will be uncouth and explain to them exactly how you feel and how you would prefer for them to behave at your reception because it is an important day to you. If they have a problem with it........don't invite them!!!! Your not marrying your family.......you deserve to be happy!!!!
2007-07-07 06:40:37 · answer #7 · answered by WHOISTHEPUPPETMASTER? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're never going to be able to change the "offending" family. Just explain to your guests that they should expect to either here or see some derogatory things. If they're not up to it than it's probably better they didn't go to meet them.
2007-07-07 06:39:18 · answer #8 · answered by Arcangel 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You better warn them that you will un-invite them if they choose to behave like that, and hire a rent-a-cop to in-force this! There is no excuse for them ruining your wedding party, and you should show some authority over your wedding!!!
2007-07-07 06:37:09 · answer #9 · answered by savagegrace 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your family members individually and tell them that their actions are causing problems for both you and your friends. Tell them that you love them but if it continues that you will have to curtail your time with them and you really do not want to do that.
2007-07-07 06:42:12 · answer #10 · answered by bobbyh526 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋