I can't stand my family! Please Help!?

Question

Ok, i need help with my pain in the *** family! First off, lemme just say that i just turned 21, i have been in college for 3 years and plan on graduating in may. I am responsible and have proven myself to be over and over. However, my mom treats me like i'm 12 and wont let me do anything, my father acts like i'm 5, and my older sister treats me like a blonde bimbo who only cares about tv, music and hot guys. I am a nursing student for heavens sake, and one of 30 remaining students in what used to be a class of over 100. Whenever i try talking about science or medicine, my sister has to best me at that too, arguing that what i learn isnt right and that she learned it another way and her ways better. I cant stand it any more.

Thanks to everyone so far for their answer. Its nice to have support, buti guess i should clarify things. First off, i cant just move out, my parents are paying for college. Secondly, if i act immature around them, its only becuase that all they expect of me. even when i try and act mature, they still treat me like a child. And yes, i am the baby of the family.

Answer 1

Your parents are like that because to them you will always be their baby girl. Thats just the way it is....enjoy it while you can and feel greatful that they care. Your sister is showing her envy for you. She doesn't like that you know so much and she is feeling threatned by you. Take it as a compliment. Although, she is being childish by doing so and making you angry. Do not give in to her by letting her know you feel that way. The next time she says something like that, tell her the health field is growing and flourishing everyday, therefore, you are more informed than she on the current health/medicine fields. That should shut her up pretty quickly.

Answer 2

Everybody wants to feel recognized and acknowledged. Oh wouldn't it be nice if it came from the family members. That is not always the case as you're realizing. Just a few possibilities:

Your sister could very well be jealous of you for a whole slew of different reasons. But whatever the case she feels the need to put you down to make herself feel better. understand that this could stem from her own insecurities.

Your mother could actually still see you as her "baby." That can sometimes be the case especially if you are the youngest child in the family. She is being over protective of you, though that can denote how much she cares about you, it still doesn't really make you feel very good.

It could be a similiar situation with your father. Or perhaps he's too clueless and is the type to just pass all of the "parenthood responsibilities" over to your mom.

It's very difficult to say for sure with out more facts but I would suggest either sitting down with each one of them and, like an adult, telling them exactly how you feel when they treat you like this OR perhaps it's time to seek recognition elsewhere.

Answer 3

So because you say you are mature you are expecting everyone to respect that? You admit that you act immature "because that's what they expect you to do". You can't have it both ways.

Grow up. You are entering a profession that in 15 years will have eaten you alive if you aren't on top of your game. Your sister and your parents aren't ever going to see you as anything but the baby of the family, so get over it. You don't need professional respect from them, you need it from your peers. Don't talk about your profession with your sister unless she is also a nurse, except in the most general of terms. Grown ups don't use their education as a weapon to demean others.

Your family is your family, your mom and dad will always, to the day they die, look at you and see a 2yr old sleeping like an angel. That's what they are suppose to do. They ARE respecting you and supporting you by paying for your college and being behind you in encouraging a difficult profession. Thank them for it and stop demanding respect by whining and complaining. Again, something a grown up doesn't do.

Maturity is in your behavior, not your words. If you act like a child, if you act like an empty headed bimbo, if you act like a spoiled brat, then that's what everyone is going to react to.

In a year you will be on your own to be as professional woman, stop demanding pats on the back from your family and act like what you are becoming.

Answer 4

Are you the baby of the family? If you are, parents refuse to let you grow up. Older siblings still see you as the baby too. It's a hard mold to break out of. Hang in there until you graduate and since nurses are in demand all over the country, I'd move. They can't be as annoying 1,000 miles away. As for the know-it-all sister, I'd ask her when it was she earned her medical degree since she seems to know so much about medicine. Sometimes, even being young, you have to take a stand. Good luck.

Answer 5

Are you living on your own? If not then you have to follow your mom's rules. Age makes no difference if you are not supporting yourself. Also, wake up....you will always have rules and people you can't get along with. Nursing involves working with the public and often people that are whiny and difficult. Learn to deal with it. If you can't even deal with your family how can you deal with the public for the rest of your life. Let your family be a learning curve for your career. Try looking at people's opinions and actions (your familys) in a different way, look from their side not just how it makes YOU feel. As far as your sister, take her opinions or her "ways" and use them if you feel it works for you, otherwise just thank her for her opinion and move on. As you enter the nursing field you will be learning from many seasoned nurses and learn many different ways and styles. Graciously take what you want from them and discard what you feel doesn't work for you. Try it out with your sister.

Nurse Tammy

Answer 6

Are you the youngest child? Your parents will always be like that in some way because you are their baby. For example, my youngest brother is almost 15 and my mom does not leave him at home by himself for more than a couple hours and only during the day. Its not that she doesn't trust him, she just gets nervous and doesnt want anything to happen. On the other hand, with me I am 25 years old and own my own house. Yet he still tries to control what I do and such. Its just cuz they love you and care about you. Plus, what else are familie for but to drive us crazy!!! lol

Answer 7

Find a counselor, trusted teacher or other family member who you can speak to about your problems. You can also keep a journal and write down how you feel. If you're too angry or frustrated, grab a pen and just scribble your feelings away. If you keep these emotions pent up, you'll only feel worse like a ticking bomb waiting to explode. Then speak to your mom and sister about how you feel -- calmly. Let them know that their habits/activities bother you and you just wanted to let them know so that they can make a few changes. Explain your unhappiness to them. As for your sister, nobody can MAKE you do stuff - stand up for yourself! Best of luck. Everybody feels a little down once in awhile. It takes a strong person to get back up! *hugs* XOXO, Laurie

Answer 8

Start by not discussing science or medicine with your sister. Save those discussions with your peers at school.
At age 20 you are an adult and shouldnt have to ask if you can do things. Just do them. Be courteous about it though and let people you live with know where you are and when youll be home. Let them have their opinions about you because fighting with them over it isnt going to change it. They probably wont see you as an adult until you are out on your own with your career.

Answer 9

there is this unwritten rule that once you are still dependent on your folks for whatever reason whether you live with them or not, then you respect the rules they have set up. if you feel you cannot take the pressure, then leave. being a nursing student alone doesnt indicate you are made. irregardless of your educational background, social status, etc, maturity of a person is based on what she does and not on who she is. if you really want your family to be off your back, then apply for a study loan, work partime to finance yourself and your studies and move out. can you handle that?

Answer 10

I really hate to be like this... but I gotta say that from what you say, this doesn't seem like a really big problem. I know that from your side of the fence things are different, but to me it seems like your seriously overreacting. Please understand that I'm not trying to dismiss your problems as unimportant, but I would suggest that you stop making a big deal out of it. So your sister thinks she knows a lot, I bet you any money that she feels the EXACT same way about you, and is simple trying to prove herself.
As for your parents, if they don't treat you with the respect you deserve, then (go ahead and hate me if I'm wrong) I suggest you treat them with a little more respect, and stop hatin on them for simply failing to see your side of things. I guarantee you that they have no idea that they mistreat you.