Problems with my 5 year old daughter and her attitude is changing for the worst.Over the last 2 weeks or so my

Question

daughter has been having some REAL attitude issues,but mainly at night. I have an 8 year old son and he is relativly calm in nature. She has always been very head strong and stubborn. But over the last 2 weeks she is not listening to ANYTHING I say,she wont answer me when I ask her questions and when I am trying to put her to bed at night she will scream,squeal, shreak,swing, kick,and just be out right nasty to me. I have tried spanking her-its like I didnt even do it. When she shrills in my face and the asking her to stop,spanking her, threatning to take away a favorite toy, doesnt work I tried to lightly pop her in the mouth with one of my fingers.THAT did not even work. There has been some additional stress in the family do to my mothers Cancer, but this just seems so out of sorts for her. I ususally give my kids choices throughout the day, they get 2-3 choices on what they want to eat,drink,play,etc. I like to have them make their own choices. Any suggestions on what I can try?HELP

I did sit her down last night and try talking to her with my husband there. He was really shocked at how she was acting too. The only way I could get her to listen was when he finally stepped in.. As for my Moms Cancer, I am spending the same amount of time with the kids as I normally do, but I am under alot more stress than normal. I am also alot sadder than normal too. I will try putting her in time outs today and then taking away her privlages as well. We will see how that does..

Answer 1

First of all I'm sure part of the change in her attitude is from the stress she feels at the things she can not control in her life IE: your moms cancer. Whether her attitude is good or bad she is the only one that can control it even when you are trying to make her behave. Secondly all my kids have reached the age of 5 or 6 and started to act out more. They want to assert their independance over everything in their lives and want to see what boundaries they can push with you.

The things that have worked for *us* are:

Speaking in a calm, quiet voice almost a whisper. Children want to get a reaction from you and will feed off your frustrations and anger and will get louder and louder as you do. Quietly tell your daughter EXACTLY what you expect of her. "I want you to go to your room (or where ever her time out area is) and when you calm down and stopping throwing a tantrum I will listen to what you have to say." If she continues to throw the tantrum and will not go to her room take her gently by the hand and guide her there. Make her stay there until she quiets down even if you have to put her there for over an hour...do not react or talk to her during this time. After she has calmed down talk to her about what she wants. Can you compromise with her? if not explain why "its 8:30 and you need to go to bed." simple and short...always end with a hug and kiss. Its important that kids understand that you are mad and dislike their behavior not them.

Be consistant! Do not threaten something unless you intend to follow it through! Biggest mistake I have made time and time again and its hard to break that habbit but the kids know if you are bluffing or really mean it. Also make the punishment fit the crime...if they throw toys take those toys away for a day. Don't punish yourself with something you can't follow through on...you are grounded from going outside for a week. I would go nuts for no week of outside time (I know others who wouldn't be bothered by it though). I use no outside time for an hour, easy for them to understand and I keep my sanity :)

Good luck with your daughter and I hope and pray your mom makes a full recovery from her cancer!

Answer 2

I'm a primary teacher and have taught reception for 8 years. I have also been acting head for 2 years. I find this totally unacceptable and if I had a parent coming to me with this problem I'd have taken direct action immediately and ensured that the problem never happened again. I find it amazing that the children are not supervised closely enough to let it happen in the first place as every school I have worked in, children's toilets and unstructured times such as lunch and play are usually where staff are most vigilant. There are a number of avenues you can take though - you can speak to the LEA yourself and make a complaint and also contact the head of govenors/ parent govenor for your school - this will mean your complaint will have to be dealt with and external forces will act on your behalf within the school. Good luck and act now because as you are aware the foundation years are so important to how your child will progress through school

Answer 3

What have you told your daughter about what is going on with her grandmother and cancer? Does she understand, in kid terms, what is going on? How are you and your family acting and reacting?
Her behavior is a direct reflection on the chaos/emotional upheavel that you and your family are experiencing. Here are a few guidelines that might help you and your daughter get things, more or less, back to "normal"
Be age appropriate and give correct information. Tell the children general information about what cancer is and what
the treatment and side-effects will be. They don’t need too many details but will usually ask if they want more information.
Use the word cancer with a simple explanation “bad cells that are fast growing and crowd out the good cells.”
Tell how you hope to get rid of the cancer (surgery, radiation, chemotherapy). There are over 100 types of cancer with different treatments so it is very important not to compare with other people with cancer that you may hear about.
Explain that cancer is not contagious. It is O.K. to hug and kiss (if no one is sick) and you can never “catch” cancer.
All feelings are O.K. to have. Allow children to have all their feelings. Encourage them to talk and share their
feelings with you or another trusted adult. Help the children have appropriate ways to express themselves.
Be honest. It’s important from the time of diagnosis to be honest about the cancer and treatment. Keep the children
informed/updated on a regular basis. If grandma is going to lose her hair, have new visiable scars, etc. let your daughter know about it. Also let her know that it is OK to be scared and not want to see grandma right away.
Request that they come to you (or another trusted adult) with any questions or worries and explain that you will tell them the truth and if you don’t always know the answers you will try to find them out.
Explain that cancer is never anyone’s fault. It cannot be caused by anything anyone said or did.
Keep the children’s routines the same as much as possible. Allow them to do their activities and spend time with friends
(sometimes using a little assistance from friends and neighbors for transportation if you need to be with your mother).
Give her some projects to do to "help" gramdma feel better by making cards, pictures, writing letters, etc.
Good luck and best wishes for you and your family.

Answer 4

How stressful to have all this going on for you! She may be picking up on the stress from your mother as well, are you spending as much time as you usually do with her? Reassure her that although you have alot going on right now that she is still important to you. However, I would probably start eliminating the choices you give her. Make decisions for her food and drink, clothing etc. Tell her you will start giving her choices again when her attitude changes. Please try not to spank right now, as it is a stressful time, and you would hate to take your frustration out on her. I am not anti-spanking, but I just hope you will find another alternative for now. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

maybe u could say that you want let her do anything and when she wants to do something or go some where don't let her. Reward her when she dosent act up it could help she might get your son doing it he thinks if she can get away with it he can to. Maybe she is upset that your mother has cancer and that she thinks u haven't been paying enough attention 2 her try talking to her and asking why are u acting this way it making it hard on you.You could also threaten her take away her privilages

Answer 6

maybe put her in time out and sit down and talk to her. She may be really upset bout ur mothers cancer.

Answer 7

let her throw the fit, act like you don't care, it doesn't bother you.
or call super nanny